Da**** Posted 21 hours ago Have been having a ldr with a woman 100 miles away since October. We had been friends for years and I was there as she was getting sober. Was there when she was going through her divorce. She came out to me that she wanted a d/s relationship with me and it was good we have visited each other a few times when life let us. Then she had to step into a store management position at work. At first it was good I know she has new responsibilities and the like. Though in the last month communication has become spotty. She said she had a rough week..next it was as soon as I have a moment and now have a message un read for 48 hours. I know work is stressing her..we all have a life.. I also k ow when she does respond she will be apologetic. Here is my question.. be you dom, sub, poly or whichever, how do you handle the feeling that you are slipping lower on the priority list? Can it be fixed or what is your thoughtful approach?
Br**** Posted 19 hours ago Asking for one message a day isn't much. Writing something like 'Today was tough. Hopefully tomorrow will be better' takes less than one minute, but shows a continued connection with others. Not responding for 48 hours isn't good. I will mostly try for a week, and afterwards I will write a message saying that I am stepping back, but giving the other person the opportunity to write to me whenever they feel ready to get back in touch. No pressure. Then it's up to them, but I can move on and not worry anymore. For me, it's about self-respect and setting boundaries. Even if life is tough, finding one minute a day to write a short message shouldn't be too much to ask and should be the bare minimum.
Vy**** Posted 19 hours ago Hm honestly, it really depends on your situation and your specific relationship. What kind of life your partner lives as well as how things used to be. If she used to respond right away and usually checks her phone/uses it all day and she doesn't respond....unless something major changes or there is something big that you do not know about....it is probably best to consider the relationship to be kind of over ngl. You need to provide more info for better advice. If she rarely checks her phone anyways, works 15h a day and has other things going on....she might just be busy. If she regularly checks her phone, has regular work hours and nothing else really tying her down....you are too much of a hassle to respond to and that is a good sign you should find someone else. Very different situations as you can see. Wait until she has a day off, then, call her, or drop by and tell her how you feel and ask her straight up what's up and whether or not she wants to end the relationship. If she is that busy....find a way to make time for each other. Otherwise do yourself and favor and find someone else. But that is just my viewpoint. I'm a very direct and straightforward person. If you are ppl who are used to beat around the bush, you might need to be more subtle.
23**** Posted 18 hours ago You can always reply in a day.. toilet time or just a minute...if your partner cant/ doesn want to..then talk about it... Ask her..and tell how u feel about it
Se**** Posted 18 hours ago This is going to sound brutal and it really isn’t meant to. I am a strong believer in “if they wanted to they would”, I do believe that if people want to be in contact with someone they will be and they will take time to explain if/why they can’t be. That said (and I am NOT saying that this is the case here) I am also very aware of how certain situations/illnesses can affect a person and despite being desperate to read or respond to a message or reach out they are wholly unable to do so for reasons that may make no sense to others. Personally, I think the best way forward would be to have an open, honest conversation with them regarding how you’re feeling and what you need from the relationship/communication to enable it to continue. Things like this can escalate and fester quickly and easily - if there are genuine reasons for communication slowing then you will know and be able to adjust your expectations or walk away if your needs can’t be met, if the reason is lack of interest then opening the communication may give her a chance to tell you what she’s feeling.
Ed**** Posted 18 hours ago What she do with her time is her problem, the better question would be, what would you want to do when you have someone in life like this? Being a dom might crave structure but also be aware that you are crave that spike of excitement when you were with her. Stepping back from the whole D/s situation, and ask yourself, if you have someone else available in life that live closer and more stable, will she be the one you still miss?
St**** Posted 17 hours ago does she have like any like mental problems like anxiety depression and chronic impression maybe on PTSD cpsd see his friend anything like that like that will cost her to kind of dissociate maybe and miss her messages and not read her you know
my**** Posted 17 hours ago It sounds like you are slipping lower. A hundred miles is a fair distance to maintain. Some will say it’s nothing and they drive that far for coffee, but it’s probably two hours plus out of your life every time one of you travels. So that can suck. I’ve done LD more times than I want to think about and it always ends like this. Sooner or later one person or the other slips away and wants more. The best advice will be to talk it out. Explain that you’re feeling like you’re not a priority to her and ask her how she feels. This will probably be the end, but there is no reason to drag things out. Few things are worse than that moment in the dynamic when the sub begins to pull back the power she has given you. It feels like being unmade.
pr**** Posted 17 hours ago Man follow your gut. Sounds like you already know the truth. On to the next one.
Ta**** Posted 15 hours ago I agree with @pretzelFolder, time to let her go brother. I know it’s difficult but the longer you take to accept it, the longer will take you to find someone that wants to be with you.
ka**** Posted 15 hours ago People make time for what they want to make time for. I also learned this the hard way.
La**** Posted 15 hours ago If she is your sub that is unacceptable... and seems to me that she is moving on but doesn't have the guts to say it. Don't you all have a good morning/good night rule? Or is this not 24/7?
ra**** Posted 14 hours ago As a person that work is more a priority rn… especially after going through a divorce.. once you have slipped off my priorities.. i am not even thinking about you. To regain, it would take time and effort without pushing… but consistency and not giving up. If it is all sexual it will be hard to regain. At least for me. I also agree that people make time for what they make time for. I won’t make time for someone that is just sexual… when i have work… might be horny but connection is key too.
Ro**** Posted 14 hours ago From my perspective, when you’ve no longer become a priority in a person’s life you won’t get that back. “Sorry I have been busy” is just a weak person’s way of saying “kick rocks”.
F1**** Posted 14 hours ago Iv been in a few LD relationships before and, every time one of them got distant it was cuz there was another person I their life that they held more as a priority than me. It sucks to think that maybe the case but id honestly just shoot her a msg saying how ur feeling and if its time to move on then so be it, but the time yall had was fun.
Da**** Posted 14 hours ago When it gets to that stage it's time for a big talk and reconsider of the relationship...2 days is a massive amount for partners to have no communication,maybe try set up designated call time daily ?
al**** Posted 13 hours ago Women don't want what they can have . I'm dealing with it now . I treated her like a queen and she doesn't care bout me . You walk away they come back . Psychology 101. . Find a younger woman let her catch you
Lulu_13_BTT Posted 13 hours ago My Sir and I live apart and whilst it's not really a LDR we are an hour away from each other and both have busy lives, but we are at the top of each others priority list, we do not go a day with out messages. If I have a bad/tough day He is the only person I am going to message, even if its to say, I've had a really bad day a need to shut down for a few hours I would never leave Him guessing as to how I am and He pays me the same courtesy. And that is so so important in a relationship that involves disyance and time apart. I think it may be time to explain your feelings to your partner, open and honestly and unless their response is on of 'you are priority I will do better' then I'm sorry to say it may be time to walk away.
Wi**** Posted 12 hours ago Unfortunately, for the last 40 years, it's been my experience that LDRs have an expiration date. It's not just the distance. It's the lack of everyday interactions that are absent. The being there. Being able to put arms around someone and hold them close. It's not being able to share meals,talk about the day,do things together. It's about not being lonely and alone. LDRs are okay until they aren't. LDRs aren't intended to be permanent, but sometimes people don't think to discuss things like that to start with. Sometimes, things change. One thing is sure ,deep discussion is the only thing that holds relationships together. If you think she is having problems, talk to her and listen to what she says. I was married to my wife for 41 years. We had our problems just like everyone does. But, finding an option to a problem is a team effort. One thing is true. Questions never asked, are questions never answered.
lu**** Posted 12 hours ago I get into trouble when I try to read into what someone else is thinking. My own f@ars, desires and insecurities tend to cloud those assumptions. So I try to take it at face value and respond in kind. That sometimes means pulling back when I want to pursue. The part I struggle with is expressing what I want in a clear way before pulling back. That feels like a delicate step - not my strong suit. I tend to read they're not that into me, when the truth is they're focussed on something else and would really like to get back to me. But then i end up starting a fight trying to express my needs or I just walk away. In either case it's my ego making me think that their behavior is about me. And then insecurity drives my behavior and a real problem does emerge. Assumptions and expectations are my fav tools for ruining a good thing. Still working on communication and awareness as tools to build the good things. I dunno what you should do, but if it's a good thing, find a way to talk past the assumptions without bringing your ego into the conversation.
To**** Posted 10 hours ago Distance already makes things harder, so communication becomes the main thread holding it together. When that thread starts getting thin, people feel it From my point of view, life and work absolutely can get heavy. New responsibilities, stress, long days… it happens. But priority usually shows in small ways. A short message, a check in, even “busy but thinking of you “ That doesn’t take much time, just intention. In a D/s dynamic especially, consistency matters. Not constant attention, but reliability. When that starts fading, it’s worth talking about it calmly instead of silently guessing where you stand Sometimes it’s just a rough period that passes. Sometimes the connection has shifted. The only real way to know is to bring it into the open and see if both people still want to invest the same energy into it
Ed**** Posted 10 hours ago That's just the reality of LDR. Its not exclusive and shes moved on to someone else.
Ta**** Posted 9 hours ago I was in a long-distance relationship for over seven years. It’s definitely challenging—you’re relying on calls, messages, and only seeing each other every few weeks or months. That said, if the connection, attraction, and genuine interest are there, it can work—but both people have to consistently put in the effort. However, if your partner is going days without communicating and doesn’t have a valid reason, that’s a red flag. At that point, you should seriously consider moving on. Silence isn’t neutral, it’s a form of communication, and it often says more than words.
ey**** Posted 8 hours ago 12 hours ago, Dash121 said: have a message un read for 48 hours 48 whole hours? Like, I get this - it's hard. Especially if it was someone you were in regular contact with, but you already know she has thrust on more responsbility at work and is finding it stressful. Even if you have, temporarily, shifted down the priorities cos of workloads, it doesn't mean you're down and out - especially when you know she'll be apologetic. I think it could be a little that if she is struggling a bit, impatience here might end up adding to her struggle and workloads - she may need a tad more energy to respond. It may be worth seeing if there's anything you can do to lighten the load, though appreciate this is diffult with distance.
Li**** Posted 8 hours ago Since October? You're definitely in that period of time where even in person Dom/sub connections get tested. If your connection is purely sexual, it's to be expected that that alone isn't sufficient fuel to keep things running smoothly over a long term and especially over distance. If your intention was something more, did you talk about that? All that said, it sounds like things have fizzled out I'm afraid. That's not necessarily a reflection on you. But as you say, this is a woman who had issues to overcome and seems to be getting things back on track - the sexual self, especially expressed in 'low' times, is not usually the self people want to view themselves as when they begin to feel better.
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