Sm**** Posted 21 hours ago This is something I’ve thought about, watch people discuss online, and have never really gotten a general consensus. So hopefully this community can help! In the past, I’ve had female friends, that I thought were platonic, reach out and ask if I’m down to hook up. Even if I wasn’t into it, it wouldn’t disgust me because it seems like the better option would be to ask a friend versus a stranger if you really needed that satisfaction. Also, in my experience, I have asked friends who I thought were platonic if they’d want to hook up. That typically goes where they know, followed by ghosting. In some cases, the response was around the lines of “that’s really weird, I can’t believe you would ask me something like”. I guess what I’m getting at is, are there double standards when asking for sex male versus female?
al**** Posted 20 hours ago Whether it’s a male or female, if you are platonic friends and established as such then ask for sex later then you’ve crossed the boundaries of friendship. That would quickly end a friendship for me. Btw, “you” is not referring to the author of this thread. It’s a generalization of two people in the above situation.
Wi**** Posted 20 hours ago Yes this is a double standard Women are allowed to ask for sex directly Friend or not and a man is expected to go around the long way Instead of being direct
al**** Posted 20 hours ago This is why a lot of men get ghosted. You shouldn’t be asking your female friends for sex directly or indirectly. Unless it’s been an agreed upon “maybe” when you first were becoming friends.
Am**** Posted 20 hours ago There shouldn’t be a double standard at all. We’re all human and we all need to be satisfied at times. I think it’s the female generation that has the double standard through!!! Meaning it’s fine if they want it but how dare a man try and get any with a single lady. I honestly blame the female personality and forward approach to sex! Also a lot of younger people have been brought up sex is good for ladies but not good for men in general and idk ware this came from. My message to other men is shoot your shot and if you get rejected remember their better mermaids out their
Sm**** Posted 20 hours ago Author 46 minutes ago, aligurl80 said: Whether it’s a male or female, if you are platonic friends and established as such then ask for sex later then you’ve crossed the boundaries of friendship. That would quickly end a friendship for me. Btw, “you” is not referring to the author of this thread. It’s a generalization of two people in the above situation. I mean that’s a beautiful paragraph but that’s not how normal people become friends lol. You don’t just meet someone and be like “this will be platonic, it will never change, let’s be friends”. There’s nuance and most people take a little longer to establish boundaries, usually letting the flow kinda decide. Like if we had police telling us who to have sex with and who to befriend then this would be a perfect law to write down in the books. But it completely disregards what actually is happening.
Sm**** Posted 20 hours ago Author Wait Ali why did you block me before I even responded? I’m so confused lol.
al**** Posted 19 hours ago 8 minutes ago, SmaccDaddy said: Wait Ali why did you block me before I even responded? I’m so confused lol. Didn’t block you. Blocked the content so I didn’t keep getting notifications. I realized that this was just going to be a female bashing post so decided to step away from the conversation and let it happen without me. Take care.
Zis Posted 19 hours ago From my experience: If you ask for sex in a friendship without the attention for something serious, you dont care if the person is in your life or not. Because the question it self puts the friendship at risk. Beside that, I never had a guy friend i want to have sex later, and if I did... he never was a friend.
Sm**** Posted 19 hours ago Author 5 minutes ago, aligurl80 said: Didn’t block you. Blocked the content so I didn’t keep getting notifications. I realized that this was just going to be a female bashing post so decided to step away from the conversation and let it happen without me. Take care. Oh, ok. Yea I clicked on your profile and it said I was blocked 😂. Sorry you felt it was going that direction. I think people were just speaking their idea of what it could be based off their own experience. Some gender dynamics have a deeper psychological effect on women/men more than others and I will always be open to letting people say what they want and welcome heated discussion. But you’re valid for taking your own initiative to preserve your own mental health.
Am**** Posted 19 hours ago 3 minutes ago, Zis said: From my experience: If you ask for sex in a friendship without the attention for something serious, you dont care if the person is in your life or not. Because the question it self puts the friendship at risk. Beside that, I never had a guy friend i want to have sex later, and if I did... he never was a friend. I sorta get that but I also think things change with time. Also so you you don’t want to make sense that cared about u happy? Know im not saying woman should band all their male friends
Zis Posted 19 hours ago 1 minute ago, Aman94 said: I sorta get that but I also think things change with time. Also so you you don’t want to make sense that cared about u happy? Know im not saying woman should band all their male friends Not in a sexual way, maybe emotional, but that wasn't the question.
Sm**** Posted 19 hours ago Author 7 minutes ago, Zis said: From my experience: If you ask for sex in a friendship without the attention for something serious, you dont care if the person is in your life or not. Because the question it self puts the friendship at risk. Beside that, I never had a guy friend i want to have sex later, and if I did... he never was a friend. See I don’t know why you think friends can’t have sex, but I’m sure it your individual life it could never work. I personally have two women I’m friends with today this day and we used to hook up back in the day. It’s technically platonic, but when we all hangout and have some drinks there’s definitely some playful flirting and the door always seems like it’s unlocked for that, but we have our own lives now and as adults spontaneous sex doesn’t always hit the way it did when we were young.
Zis Posted 19 hours ago Exactly...when you were younger. Friendships are deeper now and more complex from experience.
Sm**** Posted 19 hours ago Author 8 minutes ago, Zis said: Exactly...when you were younger. Friendships are deeper now and more complex from experience. I agree, I just think it’s putting your self in a box when you say “if you have sex you were never friends” to me if you are good friends and also have had sex before (not like a usual thing) that’s just a deeper friendship in my opinion. If yall find lovers, then obviously that part of the friendship gets locked again and at that point any bad decision made is simply a human error, not an issue with the practice of deeper friendships.
Zis Posted 19 hours ago Careful, dont say i put myself in a box just because i keep my friendships platonic, thats patronizing. I dont criticize your behavior either. For me, it is easy to have sex with men, if I want to, so I dont have to ask my male friends and risk the friendships. There are enough other options.
la**** Posted 19 hours ago Is there a double standard sure there is. Our society is full of them. Even in the kink community, female kinksters are typically hesitant for a litany of reasons whereas their male counterparts are not.
ke**** Posted 18 hours ago We are human beings with our own wants and desires. I see nothing wrong with a woman asking for what she desires to experience. But I think the biggest point would be. People shouldn’t worry about what others may or may not like. We are all different and are allowed to choose how we experience our own lives.
Sm**** Posted 18 hours ago Author 59 minutes ago, Zis said: Careful, dont say i put myself in a box just because i keep my friendships platonic, thats patronizing. I dont criticize your behavior either. For me, it is easy to have sex with men, if I want to, so I dont have to ask my male friends and risk the friendships. There are enough other options. It wasn’t about what you do with your life. You said “if you ask for sex and a friendship without the attention for something serious, you don’t care if the person is in your life or not.” That seemed like a societal box that you aligned with otherwise you wouldn’t have said it. And sorry, I’m not gonna police everything I say so that everyone doesn’t feel patronized. Barking up the wrong tree with that one. If you feel like im condescending just close the app, thats what I would do if I felt like someone was trying to make me feel small online.
Zis Posted 18 hours ago 🙂 great reaction... thought you wanted to have a constructive conversation, but that's not the case. My bad.
Sm**** Posted 18 hours ago Author 7 minutes ago, Zis said: 🙂 great reaction... thought you wanted to have a constructive conversation, but that's not the case. My bad. I love it, we are having a normal conversation. You react and accuse me of patronizing you. Then when I matchyour energy all of a sudden, I’m the one reacting. Lol 😂 I hate stereotypes but what you just did is exactly what keeps them alive haha.
Leroy-1774 Posted 17 hours ago I think women also face a double standard around approaching in general though, because it seems less "feminine" in societies eyes. Approaching friends can be liked a game of roulette though, since you could lose said friend if feelings aren't reciprocated. Not that I don't think anyone should just sit back and leave stones unturned though, because I'm also sure there's a lot of couples who are held back because they were already friends. It's more a case by case thing if anything.
kerri_kamden Posted 16 hours ago 4 hours ago, Will616 said: Yes this is a double standard Women are allowed to ask for sex directly Friend or not and a man is expected to go around the long way Instead of being direct 1ncel chat
ri**** Posted 15 hours ago Most of the time that's I've been with a woman, usually it's just happened, but I've been asked a woman once and all I said "yeah, when?" I didn't view her as less than feminine, honestly it's was kind of a turn on for real, just straight up asking instead of doing the shy and bashful, which I'm not into for real. Rather would have a woman ask to hookup, instead of risking my freedom, and image. Tbh gender norms and roles are kinda weird when you get to the point of it fr.
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