Did you read or had a Mentor help you?

[al****]

Many have learned kink in different ways. How did you learn and what would you recommend (yourself if you want) to a Newbie.

[No****]

I just learnt by doing it.

[Mr****]

There's thing that can be read but there's thing that need to be experienced start where you feel comfy and adjust from there

[Cade]

I had a mentor (several for different activities) and read, but I think the best teacher has been just actual experience. It's much like the difference between studying something and doing something: my mentors and reading helped me with the technical aspects and additional considerations one might not gain from just experiencing it (as experiencing it is more personal, and dependent on how we perceived and interpret). Though, the experience is where that knowledge is put into action! Perhaps the true test of the value of knowledge collected.

[Re****]

I learned in a group setting public play. I'm extremely lucky to have had such a variety of skilled people to watch and learn from!

[m8****]

Wym

[Mi****]

I learnt from the dinosaurs but I’m classed as an ancient one now.

[Fe****]

I am still looking for that awesome mentor that I vibe with, because my experience is mostly trauma from my younger days.

[Daddybrains]

When I lived in a small town without other opportunities for learning, I learned on the internet. There were a few online sources that I trusted, and also many that I didn't. Those trusted sources were my first "mentors."

Later, I found instructional books, video tapes, and DVDs. Not porn - actual teaching. And again, there were a few instructors that I trusted, and many that I didn't. These were my second round of "mentors."

Then I moved somewhere (Seattle) and somewhere else (San Francisco) and somewhere else (Los Angeles) that had vibrant scenes and whole organizations dedicated to teaching. Bondage. Domination. Daddy skills. Impact and breath play. Anatomy. Scene negotiation. Polyamory. At last I had in-person mentors, and people I knew in person and looked up to for their craft, both paid and volunteer -- and I did some mentoring myself, mostly for rope bondage.

How this plays out for you, depends on where you live and how comfortable you are with structured learning in groups of strangers. Your profile mentions Conroe - if that's Conroe, TX then you're not too far from Austin, and Austin has lots of opportunities for in-person learning.

[Daddybrains]

LOL I meant Houston, not Austin.

[no****]

Pretty broad question there, which one my experience doesn't help you much in terms of the kink umbrella.
I read tons of books myself, and the more I read, the more I learned about how little I thought I knew.
Certain topics and such are definitely easier to learn from experience, but you've got to know enough to even know where to start.
What are your interests? What would you like to learn?
One of the first books I read was "Different Loving" which gives you insight into a lot of different things that fall under the umbrella.

[Sh****]

I’ve read online posts by BDSM hosts and experienced persons, and what info peaked my interest within this app.

But mostly, it was open discussions before, during , and after each session.
This is what really made things click for me, having others who are willing to trust in each other to speak truly, no matter how shocking it might be.

Talking out loud about things you’ve learned, see how it sounds/feels to you.
If it resonates, then dig deeper, if not then move on.

But above all else, just chat with someone when possible, which you already took the first steps and created this post👏

[RO****]

Greatly questioned!

[Li****]

I learned on my own. With a combination of watching a massive amount of movies or falling down a rabbit hole in my many many days/weeks/months (seemed like forever) on the web searching. I would double check and recheck and verify with different Internet search results. Then, I started to explore my wants for kinks/fetishes alone after I felt comfortable with the knowledge I had assumed I had. I'm not an expert by any means but I enjoy what I learned and grew from

[Ni****]

I was introduced to Fetlife very early on in my discovery. I used the discussion groups for research and met someone who kindly listened to my hairbrained ideas and guided me to better understanding.

One of the most valuable things she taught me was YKINMKBYKIO
Your kink is not my kink, but your kink is ok. She also helpfully added - but keep it away from me! Not kink shaming, just recognizing that not every kink is FOR you, and that it is alright and even necessary to create boundaries and limits.

Learn your limits. Fetlife has a very handy kink dictionary where you can get real information about almost any kink you can think of, and if something sits wrong, make it a limit!

Saying you have no limits is just boring and tells me you have no idea what you're talking about.

[LE****]

I read, a lot. And has created some incredible experiences.

[Ma****]

When I first started I had a mentor. She walked me through my first introductions and groups. I learned a lot from her including good books to read. She was also good for pointing out good people who could top me so I could experience how toys felt. This helped me weed through some toys I like and some I don't.

I will say if you decide to play with someone, always start out in public. Be where you are in a safe environment.

[Wo****]

Malaria said…
I will say if you decide to play with someone, always start out in public. Be where you are in a safe environment.

It should start with a personal vibe. Would you hang out with this person? Talking about EVERYTHING is, IMHO, everything. Different Loving is, as mentioned, a good place to start.

Navigating porn is risky but a way to see what turns you on. The risk is that the very next clip may go too far.

FetLife is a great online community, but can be a bit troll heavy for people presenting as women.

To answer your question directly, I started out in the 80’s in NYC, so I could watch from a distance, learn from Eulenspeigel Society events, and “date” like-minded people.

[Ma****]

16 minutes ago, Woofish said:

Malaria said…
I will say if you decide to play with someone, always start out in public. Be where you are in a safe environment.

It should start with a personal vibe. Would you hang out with this person? Talking about EVERYTHING is, IMHO, everything. Different Loving is, as mentioned, a good place to start.

Navigating porn is risky but a way to see what turns you on. The risk is that the very next clip may go too far.

FetLife is a great online community, but can be a bit troll heavy for people presenting as women.

To answer your question directly, I started out in the 80’s in NYC, so I could watch from a distance, learn from Eulenspeigel Society events, and “date” like-minded people.

My name is Maliria, not malaria. Feel free to call me Mal.

[sn****]

I read I would love a mentor so 1 day I might find a mentor

[Sq****]

Both can be great, if they're reputable individuals on both brackets.

I'd recommend learning how to vet properly before even delving into your wants and needs. Without proper vetting, understanding how the interactions should be handled; this realm of existence can be unsavory at the very least and dangerous at the worst.

[m8****]

Sure

[ey****]

as perhaps a spin-off.   in recent years I've seen a lot of people arrive online (and, rarely, in community spaces) and be "I'm new, I need a mentor" and this in itself is, well, if someone is going to mentor you - it can't be a time drain for nothing in return and also, ok, what efforts have you already made?

Even with mentoring there is a difference of course between general rinse and repeat - and - helping you find your own answers.  

But still. How I started.   A lot of self-learning.  Reading, videos, etc. But one thing important is of course in kinda even knowing who is reliable/trustworthy writers/creators and so I will often say that it's always best to look at a variety of sources.  When I started going to events, some of the first events I did was demos and workshops - these often gave a more interactive way of learning - as well as being able to see what people were doing, and hearing, always an option to ask questions. Often have a go yourself.  And I remember folk helping with my stance and posture when I was doing impact play on someone.  Directly, these weren't mentors - it was more... p@@r learning... community learning.  As I say a bit, while it can be a case of knowing who is reliable/trustworthy from a writer/creator perspective, the same is true from a mentor perspective.

Whilst I also tend not to dabble in "there's only one way" - typically mentors wouldn't be play partners, they were there for coaching, support, training, "how to", etc that would typically be the nature of your relationship.  Anything else has a conflict of interest, for example they would be mentoring you based on how they want to play with you, not general mentoring - and if the relationship ended that would also unfairly end the mentoring. 

To go back to something I said in the first sentence also - with mentors there has to be benefit to them, and often the benefit may just be "making the community better" but for that to be true you actually already have to show you are interested in community. 

[m8****]

I learned from my
Pure ***istic instincts, I’m a double ♏️ with no complaints ever and I’m in the triple digits…