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New to this, Wife not so keen, what do i do

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Hi everyone, 60y/o guy here, married to a beautiful Asian lady for 25 years, i finally joined up as i am keen to get more involved in the BDSM lifestyle, but my Wife is not so keen, however i think her problem may be due to losing complete control over what i, or others may do to her.

A few years ago i bought a basic BDSM kit,  consisting of 4 long straps with velcro wrist/ankle restraints on the ends, a blindfold, 2 pony whips (not leather) a leather paddle pig, a butt plug with a pony tail on the end, a gagging ball, nipple clamps, and a few other bits, oh, and i bought the Wife a really nice BDSM outfit, consisting of a bra, sexy nickers, corset, garter, stocking etc etc etc.

She has dressed up in the outfit, but it very quickly came off and i never got to enjoy it with her, all she wanted to do was have her usual massage, some foreplay, and then have our usual fuck.

I have managed to get her to strap me to the corners of the bed and told her  that i was her slave and to do whatever she wanted to me, hoping she might show some interest, but i end up getting frustrated with her lack of interest and usually lose the whole plot and can't carry on with what we started to do.

I have managed to strap[ her to the bed, and i did get the blindfold on her face, but she freaked out because she was scared of what i might do or try.

One thing tho, she absolutely loves laying on her belly on the bed and have me spank her on the butt cheeks with the leather Pig Paddle, and when i say she loves it, she can actually have an what appears to be a clitoral orgasm , but i don't really know if it is, but whatever is is, it is an identical reaction to the orgasms that she has when playing with her clit, very intense and often leads to her hitting me and begging me not to touch her.

I ended up losing interest in this type of activity some time ago because she just doesn't seem to want to try this lifestyle, she just likes to hit the bed with her toys, we have a massage, some oral with the toys, and a fuck to finish it off.

She also seems to think that sex should be carried out in the bed, i have tried getting her to do it on the couch, outside, in the bath, even trying it in the workshop, but she ends up wanting to go straight to the bedroom.

I am also into Anal play, as in i love my Perineum and Anus being licked by her, she is fine with this, and i always keep my Anal and Pube area shaved, so that it is a lot cleaner for her, and more pleasurable for me, i alsys have an enema well before our sex sessions, and sometimes she will use one of her sex tous on me, and penetrate my Anus with them, but she doesn't like to look at what she is doing, don't know why, may have something to do with making a mess or something.

She refuses to have Anal sex, we tried it once, but as i was entering her Anus she would flex her musles and i ended up cumming , so after tht i stopped persuing it with her any more, all i do now is rimm her with the tip of my toungue, and i know that she loves it but she often withdraws because i think that she is ***ful that i will try to penetrate her again, which i would never try and do.

All of that stuff aside, i need to ask the following.

Would i be better off looking for a mistress who runs a BDSM service, and make a booking to have a few sessions with her, just so that my Wife and i can get a real feel for how all this works, and to give the Wife some time to take it all in, and possible get her interested enough to do this in our own home.

It has to be a Female, my Wife is very shy, and has never been naked with another man before, i was her first and only sex partner, so she would be more at home with a Female showing us the ropes, and so would i as well.

Apologies for ranting on, i have a lot more that i could say and talk about, but i just want to kick things off with BDSM and go from there.

Vheers everyone.


Ask your wife not us?
It’s the typical scenario when a man want something that his wife not into! You can’t *** her, persuade her, change her mind if she’s not interested by now she won’t be ever!
You been together long enough to seat together and have a serious talk about it.
The professional approach is the best option, providing she’s agreed to it, and she fully trust you. Playing with another woman can created a jealousy effect that might impact your life!


Your wife sounds like she is very vanilla. If your not naturally kinky the chances are you never will be. You won't be able to change this in her. My ex was similar, she did try, but you could see her heart was not in it. Ultimately we wasn't compatible and just became unhappy with each other and drifted apart. So you have to weigh up if you are happy or not. That will be your answer


The last thing you want to do is put pressure on your wife to engage in sexual activities that she feels uncomfortable with. Going to a Professional Mistress may add to her anxieties as she may feel that she is being cajoled into something that she simply doesn’t need or want. As you mentioned she is very shy and a sensitive discussion with her is probably the best approach. Time and patience is required and a need to accept her wishes. Now the weather is warming why not try creating a private temporary bed area in the garden that way you get the excitement of sex outside and she has the comfort to enjoy it possibly?

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