BDSM and Trauma

[su****]

One of my hobbies is to study the brain. I want to go back to school to get a masters in clinical psych to help people heal from trauma.

I personally believe that much of BDSM interest is a trauma response in most people. For instance, because of my childhood abandonment trauma I have a deep seated need for attention. It’s a trauma response I can’t control. It’s part of my praise fetish.

Wondering what other people think about this.

[ec****]

100% agreed. lots of how i operate comes from childhood trauma, glad to see someone else thinks this as well.

[Au****]

I think its great ya wanna do that. Never let anyone tell ya that ya cant. Seein that makes me so proud. I praise ya

[Gu****]

Its been well and proven for quite some time now that kinks and fetishes developed from early childhood experiences/trauma and can even be influenced by slight differences in brain chemistry from person to person. not only are you predisposed to develop a kink or fetish biologically you can also develop them from the environment you live in and the stress it may give to you.

[Gu****]

its really interesting to read up about it, id link some articles but im not sure if thats allowed here

[OT****]

Hard agree. A lot of my education directly informs my interactions with BDSM. Much of play is an attempt to reframe / control prior experiences, and I enjoy being part of that process with people.

[Qu****]

I am also into the psychology aspect of this and have decided to give bdsm a try to see how I respond and heal through exploration. This is due to trauma and the need to feel empowered and sovereign. In a sovereignty coach and help teach women to do this, and I truly feel bdsm will help me learn on a deeper level. Although I wouldn't go so far that you dont have the control over the behavior, its a programming. If we want to change we have to make that choice and take micro steps towards that change.

[Sa****]

If you look up the "Psychological characteristics of BDSM practitioners" by A A J Wismeijer et al. They discuss this in a bit of detail. Decent study. Uses a control group and also separates submissives from dominants in the results.

[su****]

19 minutes ago, Guile3317 said:

Its been well and proven for quite some time now that kinks and fetishes developed from early childhood experiences/trauma and can even be influenced by slight differences in brain chemistry from person to person. not only are you predisposed to develop a kink or fetish biologically you can also develop them from the environment you live in and the stress it may give to you.

I’d love to see them if you can try posting 

[FE****]

26 minutes ago, Guile3317 said:

its really interesting to read up about it, id link some articles but im not sure if thats allowed here

Links like that aren't allowed, give title and the name of the site.

[Ms****]

A really interesting topic. As someone with adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and adult CPTSD, I would agree with what you’re saying. Also worth looking into trauma informed somatics.

[Gu****]

16 minutes ago, sub03038 said:

I’d love to see them if you can try posting 

Childhood Sexual ***, Adult Attachment Styles, and Involvement in BDSM Practices in Adult Intimate Relationships - Pubmed Central National Library of Medicine.

[Da****]

I’m actually pretty new to BDSM. Part of what draws me to it is the opportunity to explore some of my ***s and past trauma in a safe, intentional way. I think you’re right that, for me, it’s partly about revisiting certain experiences and receiving affirmation that can help challenge some of the core beliefs that have kept me stuck. I’m still learning, but that’s a big part of what I’m hoping to gain from the experience.

[am****]

S/A started young for me (11?). I firmly believe that the part of my appetite for p@in is a trauma response to that. My brain learned early that men wanted to hurt me, and several of them r@inforc@d it. So I learned to enjoy it as an outlet for them I think.
The submission is because I have to keep my life in such tight control to feel safe within it, I need to be able to unclench long enough to finish. Not to say that the trust is automatically there with anyone, it’s definitely not. But with the right person in charge, I feel more free to melt into them.

[su****]

41 minutes ago, Dangerotica said:

I’m actually pretty new to BDSM. Part of what draws me to it is the opportunity to explore some of my ***s and past trauma in a safe, intentional way. I think you’re right that, for me, it’s partly about revisiting certain experiences and receiving affirmation that can help challenge some of the core beliefs that have kept me stuck. I’m still learning, but that’s a big part of what I’m hoping to gain from the experience.

The tough part of this is thatwe’re all still human. And unless somebody is an experienced Dom, they’re not going to understand. I thought I had met someone who I was compatible with. And I bared my soul to him and explained my entire history, but when he had to suddenly cancel a date and I reacted with trauma he blocked me. It makes me feel like no one will ever care to understand me enough to make me feel safe. I can’t control my trauma reactions. Mentally I understand why they’re happening but the rising anxiety, f@ar, depression, etc. I can’t control it. It makes me feel hopeless and I’m intelligent. I know what’s going on, but I can’t stop it.

[Deleted Member]

As someone who has experienced trauma on multiple levels and throughout my life, ive found that Im very insecure when it comes to sex and being dominated and praised heals me a little each time. Trust is everything in the bdsm community and that really helps me feel secure and less anxious. To be able to trust someone is the only way I can open up and explore the desires I was shamed for.

[Ms****]

You are NOT the problem. They are! Work on boundaries to protect yourself and listen to your gut.

[Ch****]

I admire what you hope to do. As someone who has done a lot more formal training than you, let me help you know what to expect. When you've done a few years of training, you'll likely think "wow, I think i have every illness out there". When you've done more than a few years, you'll think, "wow, i don't know anything". Your analysis of your own childhood experience and current kink may be spot on, but be careful with using words like "I believe most people...", especially due to your own experience, because it may not be so simple. BDSM interest does not have to be a trauma response, nor should it be expected to be a trauma response, even if it is at times.

[Qu****]

Yes you can with non attachment friend

[Da****]

Responding to @sub03038; nbsp;
I've been working on this for years, and it's surprisingly difficult to find a Dom who shares this level of interest and commitment.

I'm completely okay with being single. In fact, I've found that being transparent and direct tends to filter out the lightweight connections pretty quickly. I'd rather be alone than partnered with someone who isn't genuinely interested in me, because that does far more harm than good.

For me, a meaningful dynamic includes the freedom to communicate openly, discuss challenges honestly, and adjust behaviors in ways that support mutual growth. Being able to speak freely and evolve together isn't a burden—it's a reward, and one I'd gladly welcome.

[os****]

Dr. Jung explored some sexual play. It's a beautiful experience. Especially when love happens. Much deeper than a brain can wrap around it.

[Mr****]

You are not wrong and I have seen it plenty myself

[JJ****]

You would enjoy carl jungs work and getting into psychology deeply. I've been studying his work ever since I was a ***ager. The human condition has always really intrigued me as well. When in therapy as a ***, my therapist introduced me to jung, and I took off from there. I've personally experienced a lot of childhood trauma. Sexual, emotional neglect, etc. BDSM is definitely a place where many people with core trauma (which is C-PTSD and not PTSD) tend to navigate towards. The thing is, it isn't about the sex it's psychological. It's about something deeper, which is what jung studied. The human psyche, time, and reality are fluid. The brighter your light is, the darker your shadow. When you see someone who is narcissistic and a part of you gets annoyed, angry, etc. It's a time for self reflection of your own self-worth, confidence, ability to take up space unapologetically, etc. You need to work on within yourself. Most people spend their entire lives living ***ly, and so they believe they can't control how they respond to the external world around them. The greatest gift you can give yourself and to those around you is to integrate your shadow so it isn't running ***ly wild. Which isn't the same as fusing your light and shadow self together. It's a delicate process and has to be balanced with care. I wish you luck! ❤️

[Ba****]

You may have good intentions but this is basically a assumption on the level of „all antisocial people are criminal“ and „all criminal people are antisocial“ while in actuality the percentage of antisocial people compared to general population is just higher in prison, a lot of which serving longer sentences by default because of the inability to feel guilt/remorse and the increased likelihood to be repeat offenders

Similarly most people with trauma are not involved with BDSM and most people involved with BDSM are not dealing with trauma it’s just easier to find a connection between kink and trauma among kinky people with trauma
Someone with your backstory could just as well be vanilla with a anxious or even avoidant attachment style

[su****]

1 hour ago, Dangerotica said:

Responding to @sub03038; nbsp;
I've been working on this for years, and it's surprisingly difficult to find a Dom who shares this level of interest and commitment.

I'm completely okay with being single. In fact, I've found that being transparent and direct tends to filter out the lightweight connections pretty quickly. I'd rather be alone than partnered with someone who isn't genuinely interested in me, because that does far more harm than good.

For me, a meaningful dynamic includes the freedom to communicate openly, discuss challenges honestly, and adjust behaviors in ways that support mutual growth. Being able to speak freely and evolve together isn't a burden—it's a reward, and one I'd gladly welcome.

I agree, wholeheartedly. It’s very important when one enters into a relationship like D/s for both partners to completely understand each other. And be accepting and understanding of each other’s flaws as well as their strengths.