Etiquette on profile viewing

[Sq****]

It's been an incredibly common reoccurring theme of individuals perceiving someone viewing their profile as some sort of consent or greenlight to skip straight to disgusting, disrespectful, or even predatory messaging despite posted limitations.

It's simple to pass and move on, but, that becoming the normal behavior is probably not healthy for the community. I thought this could potentially be a good discussion point for newer individuals that haven't quite figured out what should be unspoken etiquette.

Yes, there will always be the ones who lack basic human decency. It isn't an attempt to fix that. I am very open to hearing the other side of the argument making this approach acceptable, even if it will likely never fall into my perspectives on kink.

Hard discussions can lead to a safer community.

[Da****]

The counter argument is that this is an OPEN forum platform. Don’t want a bunch of messages, change your filters and your message requirements (like text length for example). In the meantime, get over it.

[ey****]

is this, as in, you have a notification someone viewed your profile?

if so.... generally, someone viewing your profile is meaningless.  It came up in search, they stumbled, they liked something you had to say... had they wanted to message they would have. That's the top and bottom

If someone is REPEATEDLY viewing your profile, then there might be a question of why. It wouldn't be unreasonable to ask

This said of course also, it's a free world and that perhaps someone checking out your profile may cause you to check out theirs. You might also want to drop them a line, that's fair. But don't get hopes up - they already looked and didn't drop a message.

[Deleted Member]

Good comment

[Sq****]

11 minutes ago, Dante_88 said:

The counter argument is that this is an OPEN forum platform. Don’t want a bunch of messages, change your filters and your message requirements (like text length for example). In the meantime, get over it.

The last line gives a fantastic insight to your mindset; as nothing about the post is upset or questioning free will. It's etiquette based. Thanks for the input.

[Sq****]

12 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

is this, as in, you have a notification someone viewed your profile?

if so.... generally, someone viewing your profile is meaningless.  It came up in search, they stumbled, they liked something you had to say... had they wanted to message they would have. That's the top and bottom

If someone is REPEATEDLY viewing your profile, then there might be a question of why. It wouldn't be unreasonable to ask

This said of course also, it's a free world and that perhaps someone checking out your profile may cause you to check out theirs. You might also want to drop them a line, that's fair. But don't get hopes up - they already looked and didn't drop a message.

I don't disagree with your input on it, this was geared specifically at the ones taking an unsavory approach to that initial message. Not directed at someone respectfully engaging off of a mutual view or any other sort of circumstances unfolding from this.

[Br****]

It tells people I've "viewed" them or "crushed" on them all the time when I've never even gone to their profiles or swiped right on anyone ever. It's definitely glitchy. But yes I had someone just this morning message me some foul things just cause he thought I viewed him. I explained to him everything and he still asked me to accept his friend request so he could send me pics. I asked of what? Cause I just had a feeling...🙄 He said "you'll see. 😏" I was like yea, no thanks then. Bye. 🤦‍♀️

[UK****]

33 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

if so.... generally, someone viewing your profile is meaningless.  It came up in search, they stumbled, they liked something you had to say... had they wanted to message they would have. That's the top and bottom

If someone is REPEATEDLY viewing your profile, then there might be a question of why. It wouldn't be unreasonable to ask

Sadly, the site imposes some automatic age filters (without the users consent), so visiting a profile and not messaging may not be disinterest.  Repeat visits may be a case of checking if filters have been adjusted enough to allow an initial (respectful) email

[Da****]

I agree i have found myself being very cautious to what profiles i view if the person doesn’t look like someone i would talk to i pass without even looking because i’ve been in that position where i’ve looked just to check it out find we’re not looking for the same thing and then next i know i’m being asked if i want to fuck right at the get go like one i don’t know you and two we’re not even looking for the same thing and the worst part is I’m extremely polite to a fault so it’s hard for me to just be like fuck off but i’m getting better at it for sure

[Sq****]

20 minutes ago, DarkCherry28 said:

I agree i have found myself being very cautious to what profiles i view if the person doesn’t look like someone i would talk to i pass without even looking because i’ve been in that position where i’ve looked just to check it out find we’re not looking for the same thing and then next i know i’m being asked if i want to fuck right at the get go like one i don’t know you and two we’re not even looking for the same thing and the worst part is I’m extremely polite to a fault so it’s hard for me to just be like fuck off but i’m getting better at it for sure

I'm sorry you've experienced this, yes, it does get exponentially easier to deal with them but that still doesn't make it okay to approach someone like that. However, the silver lining is red flags announcing themselves immediately.

[ra****]

Life gets easier when you assume that other people don’t have the same knowledge/experiences as you decide that you don’t owe anyone a response.

[Sq****]

6 minutes ago, raleigh953174 said:

Life gets easier when you assume that other people don’t have the same knowledge/experiences as you decide that you don’t owe anyone a response.

You assume this is a complaint or a discussion point for conversation? We've handled these individuals for years, together or a individual. There are a significant amount of people who have dealt with stalkers, harassment, and a plethora of other traumatic events that make these encounters exponentially more heavy than a fire and forget indifferent response. While you're not wrong, it doesn't change the fundamental discussion on etiquette proposed here and that isn't a one size fix all for everyone. I am glad it works for you.

[Ni****]

The best interaction I’ve had so far was someone reaching out to me- I looked at their profile and we were the exact opposite so I didn’t respond. On top of that reason- I have more than 200+ msgs in my inbox(and that’s WITH distance filters) I don’t respond to 90% of them if I’m being real. I can’t.

The person sent a second msg accusing me of not being into mixed men then proceeded to post on his own status that I was a “racist cunt” when I gave him an explanation of why I wasn’t responding initially. Felt really good. Cunt? Maybe. Racist? Absofuckinglutely not!

[sardonicus87]

Heh, the responses of a lot of people here, particularly women, is why I hate on the treasure hunt (and vocally complained about it), all the ones that require you to view someone's profile to find them.

It's been many times I will view a profile necessary to get the treasure hunt thing, only for said profile to then view-bomb me for days or weeks.

It makes me not even want to ever visit anyone's profile at all (generally, not regards to treasure hunt) because I don't want anyone then getting mad at me just for looking at their profile or something.

[si****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

is this, as in, you have a notification someone viewed your profile?

if so.... generally, someone viewing your profile is meaningless.  It came up in search, they stumbled, they liked something you had to say... had they wanted to message they would have. That's the top and bottom

If someone is REPEATEDLY viewing your profile, then there might be a question of why. It wouldn't be unreasonable to ask

This said of course also, it's a free world and that perhaps someone checking out your profile may cause you to check out theirs. You might also want to drop them a line, that's fair. But don't get hopes up - they already looked and didn't drop a message.

I am here mainly for the forum right now. I live with ADD and suffer from CRS -Can't Remember $πit. When I am impressed by somebody's response, I will check out their profile just out of curiosity. But because I have a sieve of a brain, I'll forget the second I'm off their page. I might see their profile name a couple of days or weeks later and recognize it as one that I see frequently, but don't remember anything about the profile. So I might check it out two or three times.

[ra****]

2 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said:

Heh, the responses of a lot of people here, particularly women, is why I hate on the treasure hunt (and vocally complained about it), all the ones that require you to view someone's profile to find them.

It's been many times I will view a profile necessary to get the treasure hunt thing, only for said profile to then view-bomb me for days or weeks.

It makes me not even want to ever visit anyone's profile at all (generally, not regards to treasure hunt) because I don't want anyone then getting mad at me just for looking at their profile or something.

People take things so seriously. I’ll shamelessly view a profile without hiding my tracks and if someone decides that’s an invitation to send me a message, I get to decide if I want to open, read or respond to it.

[Sq****]

8 minutes ago, NinjaKitten said:

The best interaction I’ve had so far was someone reaching out to me- I looked at their profile and we were the exact opposite so I didn’t respond. On top of that reason- I have more than 200+ msgs in my inbox(and that’s WITH distance filters) I don’t respond to 90% of them if I’m being real. I can’t.

The person sent a second msg accusing me of not being into mixed men then proceeded to post on his own status that I was a “racist cunt” when I gave him an explanation of why I wasn’t responding initially. Felt really good. Cunt? Maybe. Racist? Absofuckinglutely not!

This is exactly why I try to discuss etiquette to newcomers. Not only will people have exponentially better success they'll also have higher chances with posivite experiences, and safety.

That's an incredibly disturbing and disgusting event, I'm sorry that happened to you. It shouldn't reflect the greater community.

[Da****]

8 minutes ago, NinjaKitten said:

The best interaction I’ve had so far was someone reaching out to me- I looked at their profile and we were the exact opposite so I didn’t respond. On top of that reason- I have more than 200+ msgs in my inbox(and that’s WITH distance filters) I don’t respond to 90% of them if I’m being real. I can’t.

The person sent a second msg accusing me of not being into mixed men then proceeded to post on his own status that I was a “racist cunt” when I gave him an explanation of why I wasn’t responding initially. Felt really good. Cunt? Maybe. Racist? Absofuckinglutely not!

I had something similar happen to me though i wasn’t call racist more like a coax about being afraid or that i need to be turned and that’s even after telling them bluntly that i’m just not attracted to them. It did feel good for sure. Just wish people would be cordial with they’d get further

[Sq****]

7 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said:

Heh, the responses of a lot of people here, particularly women, is why I hate on the treasure hunt (and vocally complained about it), all the ones that require you to view someone's profile to find them.

It's been many times I will view a profile necessary to get the treasure hunt thing, only for said profile to then view-bomb me for days or weeks.

It makes me not even want to ever visit anyone's profile at all (generally, not regards to treasure hunt) because I don't want anyone then getting mad at me just for looking at their profile or something.

You are more than welcome to add us to search for treasure. We won't approach you and we aren't bothered by you utilizing our profile. I'm sorry what should be a positive, fun event feels like that. More people should be able to feel safe in this realm of life.

[Da****]

8 minutes ago, sardonicus87 said:

Heh, the responses of a lot of people here, particularly women, is why I hate on the treasure hunt (and vocally complained about it), all the ones that require you to view someone's profile to find them.

It's been many times I will view a profile necessary to get the treasure hunt thing, only for said profile to then view-bomb me for days or weeks.

It makes me not even want to ever visit anyone's profile at all (generally, not regards to treasure hunt) because I don't want anyone then getting mad at me just for looking at their profile or something.

I agree when my husband wasn’t on here i would look at the profiles of people i was already talking to because i knew they were safe

[Sq****]

10 minutes ago, raleigh953174 said:

People take things so seriously. I’ll shamelessly view a profile without hiding my tracks and if someone decides that’s an invitation to send me a message, I get to decide if I want to open, read or respond to it.

We are allowed to take our hobbies, interest, and safety seriously. I'm thrilled it's casual for you or those types of encounters are your 'thing'. We state very clearly that we're for education and discussion only. So, we leave ours open fully because we do get a significant amount of curious questions or individuals wanting to learn something. That's our preference. It doesn't remove etiquette from the equation.

[Br****]

I also think that a lot of the ones that do start of conversations that way and immediately get nasty in my messages are the "fake doms". No real Dom would jump in my messages talking that way, telling me they're my daddy now, etc. I'll block a lot of them that do it, but I always look at their profile first before blocking. You can tell just by their profile they're only here because they have a certain expectation or opinion that people that are into bdsm must be freaks and want to be talked to that way. 🙄

[u-6a1379509f386]

It is very frustrating when people try to dive straight into nasty as an opening message. I finally took my profile picture down and it's been lovely not being bombarded with messages all day.

[Sq****]

9 minutes ago, Brea1608 said:

I also think that a lot of the ones that do start of conversations that way and immediately get nasty in my messages are the "fake doms". No real Dom would jump in my messages talking that way, telling me they're my daddy now, etc. I'll block a lot of them that do it, but I always look at their profile first before blocking. You can tell just by their profile they're only here because they have a certain expectation or opinion that people that are into bdsm must be freaks and want to be talked to that way. 🙄

Extremely good feedback for this post. That summarizes the vast majority of interactions and what to look for on red flags, in case someone hasn't quite learned some harsh lessons yet.

[Sq****]

5 minutes ago, u-6a1379509f386 said:

It is very frustrating when people try to dive straight into nasty as an opening message. I finally took my profile picture down and it's been lovely not being bombarded with messages all day.

It can become mind numbing and discouraging just seeing the shear volume of that for a lot of people. I'm sorry you have to go to that length for a sense of peace.