Signs to look for

[Deleted Member]

What are signs that tell you this person might be into or be open about bdsm?

[de****]

This is a good question, I’ll be looking into this. There have been ppl that make me wonder

[Lo****]

I ask them if I’m interested, no guessing 😉

[ey****]

1) They are on a fetish or BDSM website

2) they are at a fetish event or munch

those are probably the two biggest tells

 

[Br****]

Be an adult and just ask. Closed mouths don't get spit in

[Zi****]

Just ask, goes for everything. Maybe dont overload them with everything you like, just start small

[To****]

Honestly, after enough time in this lifestyle, I’ve stopped looking for obvious signs.

A certain profile, a joke, the way someone talks about control or boundaries can make me curious, but none of that tells me they’re actually into BDSM.

For me, the real signs are usually much quieter. Someone who is comfortable talking about boundaries, curious about power dynamics, or asks questions rather than just making assumptions.

And sometimes the biggest sign is simply that they don’t shut the conversation down when the subject comes up.

I don’t assume. I give them an opening and see what they do with it. That’s usually far more telling than trying to decode them.

[pr****]

saying yes ma’am to me even when visibly older than I

[Ba****]

So far i found that people don’t hide if they have no reason to
I‘ve always been open about it so most people just told me themselves and it’s usually better to assume someone to be closeted until they themselves tell you otherwise
Too many alternative subcultures use BDSM/kink/fetish elements in their fashion for any external signs to be reliable and some even have the potential to be dangerously misleading

Also if you have to guess and can’t ask then it’s just none of your business

[Un****]

🛑 There are no signs, Communication is crucial for everyone. No Consent no play

What kind of question is this anyway 😡

[Vi****]

You'd think a "dom" would be better at communication

[wa****]

I just recently was with a young girl and started out fingering her and the rougher I got the more she pushed herself into my hand and the next day she said she couldnt wipe herself after taking a *** so said why didnt you ask me to take it easy and she said she dosent feel *** when shes turned on
I said you might be like me and she said how do you mean
I told her im a sexual deviant by society standards and I like to push limits
She said im in

Just try getting a little rough and gauge her response if you dont want to come right out and ask

You may unleash something in her she never knew she wanted if it's new to her

[sn****]

unless there are signs like a coller i dont really know how else you could tell just by looking unless tattoos are visible

[ey****]

43 minutes ago, snowy85 said:

unless there are signs like a coller

Even stuff like a collar. Like, I came up through Goth/Alternative subcultures and trust me - there are plenty of people (and not just those into Goth) who wear different forms of collars etc purely for fashion reasons and not because they are kinky

Mind. I have in public spotted collars I can say with somewhat certainty are for kink. They're usually a little more subtle and more of the metal ring.   However, while it tells me they are very likely to be into BDSM, the subtly of the wearing and style suggests they're an owned sub - and... like.... what is one going to do with this info anyway?! Go to someone in the middle of the street "I can see you're kinky!"

[Deleted Member]

Observers will know. There's a difference between being *into* bdsm and having experience enough to have a healthy, safe relationship wrapped in bdsm. Many will show their true colors quickly while others have learned enough lingo and etiquette to pass initial watchful eyes. There are no clear cut signs, but those actually experienced will know the difference between the posers who will get people hurt and those genuinely wanting or are experienced in bdsm.

[us****]

IMO the best and clearest sign is when they respond with an affirmative when I ask if they're kinky.

[be****]

It’s BDSM-dar you just know

[ma****]

Absolutely just ask don't be shy

[Ro****]

If you’re judging just on appearance alone I don’t feel like you’re likely to see any obvious signs. Especially if you’re including ppl who may be open w/no knowledge that they may even like certain things. For that just having a conversation on the topic is probably your best bet. As far as others who are more into the lifestyle it’s prob a mixed bag but I’ve seen enough contradicting appearances & personalities to preferences in the bedroom that you’d never guess if you didn’t know.

[Ki****]

Probably tell tail sign as if they’re on this website considering it’s pretty much the baseline that this website is focused around

[je****]

If it’s a woman, just mention the two words every sub loves to hear.. good girl. Watch her reaction. If she bites her lip, blushes, smiles she’s into it. If she looks at you like ur insane, she’s not lol.

[Y7****]

3 hours ago, jessie1988 said:

If it’s a woman, just mention the two words every sub loves to hear.. good girl. Watch her reaction. If she bites her lip, blushes, smiles she’s into it. If she looks at you like ur insane, she’s not lol.

This!!!!
So accurate, haha. You described it so perfectly...!

[Do****]

No need for signs. Just ask.

[lQ****]

So true that’s why subs are powerful

[Ki****]

Sometimes it’s so much fun to be so good at being so bad