Popular Post jo**** Posted August 12 Popular Post When I “joined” the BDSM community years ago, it was a result of a sub training me to be her Dom and taking me to local events. I met a large group of people (mostly couples) that cared about each other, loved each other and helped each other. After having *** and moving several times, I remained dormant in the community for years and discovered online forums and groups (whiplr, anyone?) Since that time, I have met more members of the community but been sorely disappointed in the number of assholes that use BDSM as an excuse to just *** people under the guise of being a “Dom.” I joined this app thinking it would provide something different and I am not disappointed. I have met Dom/Domme and subs here that have restored my faith in a living community that cares. Thanks everyone!
Ur**** Posted August 12 Yeeees!! I was just going to open a discussion about this. I’m so tired of fake Doms/Dommes infiltrating this community. They just want an excuse to use power over somebody with the disguise of calling themselves a Dom/Domme when really they’re just not a good person. It’s not OK to gain the trust of a sub just to use them! Reason why a lot of us are into kinks is to help us work through any in all traumas that we may have and/or to explore outside of the social norms and not feel weird about what we’re into. But my main point is I’m so tired of meeting people, opening up to them/discussing boundaries (which I don’t open up easily at all so it takes time), and then once they get what they want they go ghost/discard. That really messes with someone’s mental. I appreciate this app as I’m able to express myself, but I still run into very abusive, self-centered doms/dommes.
Pr**** Posted August 12 8 minutes ago, UrfavMuse78 said: Yeeees!! I was just going to open a discussion about this. I’m so tired of fake Doms/Dommes infiltrating this community. They just want an excuse to use power over somebody with the disguise of calling themselves a Dom/Domme when really they’re just not a good person. It’s not OK to gain the trust of a sub just to use them! Reason why a lot of us are into kinks is to help us work through any in all traumas that we may have and/or to explore outside of the social norms and not feel weird about what we’re into. But my main point is I’m so tired of meeting people, opening up to them/discussing boundaries (which I don’t open up easily at all so it takes time), and then once they get what they want they go ghost/discard. That really messes with someone’s mental. I appreciate this app as I’m able to express myself, but I still run into very abusive, self-centered doms/dommes. I’ve had the opposite experience. People here chatting and getting a bit into stuff and then you get real. and they bail. Very transactional only.
si**** Posted August 12 34 minutes ago, UrfavMuse78 said: Yeeees!! I was just going to open a discussion about this. I’m so tired of fake Doms/Dommes infiltrating this community. They just want an excuse to use power over somebody with the disguise of calling themselves a Dom/Domme when really they’re just not a good person. It’s not OK to gain the trust of a sub just to use them! Reason why a lot of us are into kinks is to help us work through any in all traumas that we may have and/or to explore outside of the social norms and not feel weird about what we’re into. But my main point is I’m so tired of meeting people, opening up to them/discussing boundaries (which I don’t open up easily at all so it takes time), and then once they get what they want they go ghost/discard. That really messes with someone’s mental. I appreciate this app as I’m able to express myself, but I still run into very abusive, self-centered doms/dommes. I just wanted to touch on the ghosting. I don't understand that at all. If I'm not a fit for you, just tell me! I'm a big girl, I can handle it! And the thing is I will go back over our texts to see if there's something I said that they may have taken the wrong way and I'm pretty clear and concise so it baffles me that we have these awesome and amazing convos one day and the next day I'm blocked and ghosted. I just don't get it. It's like running hot and cold. Nothing cuts quicker than being ghosted for me.
Ur**** Posted August 12 8 minutes ago, sinfulsub said: I just wanted to touch on the ghosting. I don't understand that at all. If I'm not a fit for you, just tell me! I'm a big girl, I can handle it! And the thing is I will go back over our texts to see if there's something I said that they may have taken the wrong way and I'm pretty clear and concise so it baffles me that we have these awesome and amazing convos one day and the next day I'm blocked and ghosted. I just don't get it. It's like running hot and cold. Nothing cuts quicker than being ghosted for me. It cuts so deep! Especially when you think the person understands you after you expressed your trauma and why and how you got into the Kink community. And then it’s like they take that as a blueprint to hurt you. At the end of the day, we’re all adults here and a big part of this community is communication and trust. Sometimes you have people who can absolutely do that and then other times you just have people who destroy it. And I hate having to heal inside of a community that I seek salvation in.
va**** Posted August 12 Serious inquiry here, but where are you finding people? I’ve been on here for well over a year, and have had nothing but ghosting and just straight rejection without talking. Maybe I just need to accept I’m not as young as I once was and maybe I’m just objectively ugly? This app was recommended by somebody I trust but I’m only seeing a community that wants to gatekeep and won’t even acknowledge a “newbie”, or just a bunch of scam profiles.
Pr**** Posted August 12 8 minutes ago, valenurso said: Serious inquiry here, but where are you finding people? I’ve been on here for well over a year, and have had nothing but ghosting and just straight rejection without talking. Maybe I just need to accept I’m not as young as I once was and maybe I’m just objectively ugly? This app was recommended by somebody I trust but I’m only seeing a community that wants to gatekeep and won’t even acknowledge a “newbie”, or just a bunch of scam profiles. Same! People place a note in their profile about willing to be friends. Then… they are not. 🤷🏻♂️
ey**** Posted August 12 there are good and bad everywhere and I'm glad you've found some good. With due respect, whiplr was terrible - not helped they did pay people to be on it and promote it who had no interest beyond that. But yep, I definitely feel a little like what you get out is akin to what you put in, and it sounds like you're putting a lot in
Th**** Posted August 13 1 hour ago, valenurso said: Serious inquiry here, but where are you finding people? I’ve been on here for well over a year, and have had nothing but ghosting and just straight rejection without talking. Maybe I just need to accept I’m not as young as I once was and maybe I’m just objectively ugly? This app was recommended by somebody I trust but I’m only seeing a community that wants to gatekeep and won’t even acknowledge a “newbie”, or just a bunch of scam profiles. No not just you 🤣 I’m young and just too young for a lot of these women
Gy**** Posted August 13 Crazy... to me falling in this place just ripped all joy from me all willingness to exist i was even left with a numb nerve in my hand for like a month not to mention the psychological stress some dates have left me i just decided not to leave me house ever again at least for a while. I feel this place killed the joy I had for the only thing i truly liked and enjoyed.
Gy**** Posted August 13 2 hours ago, valenurso said: Serious inquiry here, but where are you finding people? I’ve been on here for well over a year, and have had nothing but ghosting and just straight rejection without talking. Maybe I just need to accept I’m not as young as I once was and maybe I’m just objectively ugly? This app was recommended by somebody I trust but I’m only seeing a community that wants to gatekeep and won’t even acknowledge a “newbie”, or just a bunch of scam profiles. Nope... people are plain jerks i get ghosted a lot i get mistreated A LOT i put effort on conversations i try to connect i try to be a FRIEND dang i even bought a gift for someone i met here and all i got was BS so i became hateful and resentful and unable to enjoy anything anymore.
jo**** Posted August 13 Author 3 hours ago, AjaxRain said: You should checkout fetlife too I am on there, too. This is more interactive though for me
va**** Posted August 13 47 minutes ago, joesarciii said: I am on there, too. This is more interactive though for me What is that? I don’t see anything when I search up fetlife too
jo**** Posted August 13 Author 21 minutes ago, valenurso said: What is that? I don’t see anything when I search up fetlife too Fetlife.com
Hannah93 Posted August 13 I must say I find it difficult to really connect with people here. First you get so many bs messages then only a few really read profiles. And then if you think you connected you get ghosted or they only want millions of pictures. Meeting people here is so much more difficult then a few years ago. Back then I really loved this community, now it’s a little bit sad. And yes there are also so many fake doms that can really kill the joy.
Ni**** Posted August 13 This is an excellent post. Thank you for sharing. There are malicious and malevolent people everywhere - every group, circle, region, etc has them. Only through rigorous cultivation and pruning could you get rid of them... so open communities can never be both open and without them. Fetish or not. Sexual or not. But at the same time, there can and often are many wonderful and good people of all genders, races, cultures, religions, as well. Is it frustrating to wade through crud to find them? Yes. Is it worth it? Also yes. Enjoy the journey!
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