The Excitement of the Discussion

[Deleted Member]

Through my time in Kink I’ve found the exploration of my partner(s) fantasies and desires bring about an excitement and satisfaction for me just as much as the act itself. The planning, the logistics and the time spent is almost like an act of edging. I wonder if others have similar experiences.

I also have been contemplating what I could add to the discussion. Getting my partner to open up and tell me what they enjoy is always exciting, but I understand for some it’s easy, while others may find their desires harder to express. For those that would classify themselves as a Sub or Switch, how do you feel when your Partner or Dom expresses interest in making your fantasy come to life? What do you feel is the most inportant part of that conversation?

[ey****]

it is exciting, but an important thing to add to the discussion is also what your fantasies are and what you want out of play/relationship/etc 

[an****]

If the fantasy is the discussion and the exploration and the excitement of unwrapping the gift I would caution you in seeking ways to unwrap those gifts quicker.

I would invite you to adjusting your own process in discovering and unlocking.

Exposure in the slightest or most delicate way can be received much better than the anxiety or commitment of questions. So while asking a lot of questions is beneficial and there's data it can't feel like an interrogation and a yes, no, maybe, can feel like a commitment to make a decision, and decision fatigue is real.

Since you did ask for suggestions I will tell you that one thing I have had good luck with is setting up a table or scene or story or prop having many different options and explaining that my sub will take any items, shut any doors, or close any box that they are not comfortable with and put them in the bag or box or closed and it doesn't mean they ever have to say yes and it doesn't mean that they ever have to say no it just means that for today these items are not part of today.

Then I leave the area while they sort things out and when I come back I reward them for making choices, some sort of acknowledgment and appreciation.

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, anotherusername said:

If the fantasy is the discussion and the exploration and the excitement of unwrapping the gift I would caution you in seeking ways to unwrap those gifts quicker.

I would invite you to adjusting your own process in discovering and unlocking.

Exposure in the slightest or most delicate way can be received much better than the anxiety or commitment of questions. So while asking a lot of questions is beneficial and there's data it can't feel like an interrogation and a yes, no, maybe, can feel like a commitment to make a decision, and decision fatigue is real.

Since you did ask for suggestions I will tell you that one thing I have had good luck with is setting up a table or scene or story or prop having many different options and explaining that my sub will take any items, shut any doors, or close any box that they are not comfortable with and put them in the bag or box or closed and it doesn't mean they ever have to say yes and it doesn't mean that they ever have to say no it just means that for today these items are not part of today.

Then I leave the area while they sort things out and when I come back I reward them for making choices, some sort of acknowledgment and appreciation.

Thank you for the words of caution, I understand my error in how I wrote this topic but you also made a point that I should reflect on.

I will absolutely adjust my process because of your words. I already have ideas of how I’ll change my approach in the future and I’ll be stealing aspects of what you wrote.

[an****]

15 hours ago, Awfulmonk said:

Thank you for the words of caution, I understand my error in how I wrote this topic but you also made a point that I should reflect on.

I will absolutely adjust my process because of your words. I already have ideas of how I’ll change my approach in the future and I’ll be stealing aspects of what you wrote.

One thing to keep in mind is that no one is a perfect dom or perfect sub we are all forever still learning and growing. Keep posting and keep reflecting. So many of us start out too shy to post or reply or to even talk about things and these topics help the community more than we can see.