Introducing a Submissive to Anal Play Through Toys – Tips, Techniques, and Open Discussion

[Vi****]

Hey everyone,

I’d like to open a thoughtful, respectful discussion on introducing a submissive partner to anal play using toys, specifically within a BDSM context. Whether you’re a Dom, sub, switch, or just curious, your insights and questions are welcome here! Let’s foster a supportive environment for sharing experiences, advice, and concerns.

Why Anal Toys?
Anal play can be an intensely pleasurable and intimate experience, but it’s also an area where safety, patience, and communication are critical. Toys provide a controlled, gradual way to explore new sensations and build comfort, especially for those new to anal play or looking to train for larger penetration in the future.

Getting Started: Communication and Consent

Start with an open conversation about interests, boundaries, and any anxieties. Consent is non-negotiable.

Discuss expectations and fantasies, and check in regularly throughout the process.

Step-by-Step: Introducing Anal Toys

External Exploration: Begin by touching the anus externally with a finger or a small, smooth toy. This helps your sub get used to new sensations and reduces anxiety.

Start Small: Use the smallest toy or finger first. Even if it seems tiny, it’s usually the right starting point for beginners. Anal training kits with multiple sizes are ideal for gradual progression.

Lube Is Essential: Use plenty of high-quality, body-safe lubricant. Never skip this step-comfort and safety depend on it.

Slow Progression: Once the smallest size is comfortable, gradually move to larger toys, increasing the time spent with each size. Don’t rush-let your sub’s body set the pace.

Relaxation Techniques: Encourage deep breathing, a relaxed environment, and perhaps even idle play (gentle, non-focused touch) to help your sub associate anal play with positive, low-pressure experiences.

Safety First: Always use toys with a flared base to prevent accidents. Never switch a toy from anus to vagina without thorough cleaning to avoid infection.

Incorporating BDSM Dynamics

The Dom can add elements like commands to wear a butt plug for a set period, or use restraints to heighten sensations (always with prior consent).

Idle play, such as casual touch or massage while watching TV, can help normalize and relax the experience for the sub.

Make it playful and lighthearted-laughter and joy are just as important as intensity.

Open Questions for Discussion

What techniques have helped you or your partner feel more comfortable with anal play?

How do you navigate nerves or anxieties, especially for first-timers?

Any favorite toys, brands, or training kits to recommend?

How do you incorporate power dynamics or rituals into anal training?

Tips for aftercare or addressing discomfort?

Let’s keep this thread welcoming and informative-share your stories, advice, and questions! Remember, everyone’s journey is unique, and there’s no one “right” way to explore.

Looking forward to your thoughts!

Please note: All play should be safe, sane, and consensual. Respect boundaries and privacy in your responses.

[Deleted Member]

Well always start off with a shower and making sure the back door is clean
When I started out it was using fingers first than moved up to small anal plugs.
My very first receiving a cock he took it slow and made sure we had plenty of lube and time. Never rushed anything

[Ch****]

Slow with lots of communication and make sure there is time for after care especially the first time.

[Deleted Member]

I like to start with warm oil massage. Plenty of touching relaxes my Sub! The warm oil feels great and eases the tension of penetration. Never inserting beyond the second knuckle of my finger. Always very slow while communicating the entire process! I prefer my Sub not be anxious or nervous about Anal play, this takes time, communication and patience!

[Cu****]

Honestly just learned so much via this post.

[Deleted Member]

Curvygirl you should never be apprehensive with your Dom. Patience and communication are absolutely essential in helping you with any play! Aftercare is also important, hope you grow and always be yourself!!!

[Cu****]

2 minutes ago, Grumpy460 said:

Curvygirl you should never be apprehensive with your Dom. Patience and communication are absolutely essential in helping you with any play! Aftercare is also important, hope you grow and always be yourself!!!

Definitely blessed with an amazing dom. As a newbie love learning lots and exploring. Thank you ♥️

[Go****]

I may have missed it in the post, but: lube, lube and more lube! If you aren’t sure whether you have enough, add more.
I also find the more aroused I am, the easier anal play is, so a pre-anal orgasm is always helpful!

[On****]

I'm surprised by the number of people recommending "lots of lube" and then what? Just going to go at it huh? The OP nailed proper training and you all didn't hear a damn thing. Proper training is gradual excercises in stretching, training and proper mindset, not just lube it up and have a go. Proper training will ensure it's not just another hole to use, it will ensure she enjoys it, desires even craves it.
Training starts with smallest plug, 30 minutes with an orgasm required before or after once a day or any time she wishes to masterbate. It won't take long before she wants to try a medium plug and receiving direction from you as to when, again couple this with an orgasm with plug in now. Longer periods of time, possibly during a movie, grocery shopping or other daily tasks. This will be weeks training not hours people.
I also release her from any orgasm restrictions while plugged, no permission needed although she can of course ask if she wishes. Another huge problem is tops/Doms using anal as punishment, don't do this! If you already do this.. stop! Just my 2 cents, don't like it get your refund at the door ✌️

[Deleted Member]

27 minutes ago, One4theRoad said:

I'm surprised by the number of people recommending "lots of lube" and then what? Just going to go at it huh? The OP nailed proper training and you all didn't hear a damn thing. Proper training is gradual excercises in stretching, training and proper mindset, not just lube it up and have a go. Proper training will ensure it's not just another hole to use, it will ensure she enjoys it, desires even craves it.
Training starts with smallest plug, 30 minutes with an orgasm required before or after once a day or any time she wishes to masterbate. It won't take long before she wants to try a medium plug and receiving direction from you as to when, again couple this with an orgasm with plug in now. Longer periods of time, possibly during a movie, grocery shopping or other daily tasks. This will be weeks training not hours people.
I also release her from any orgasm restrictions while plugged, no permission needed although she can of course ask if she wishes. Another huge problem is tops/Doms using anal as punishment, don't do this! If you already do this.. stop! Just my 2 cents, don't like it get your refund at the door ✌️

Yes indeed. I should of followed through with my post. I did say patience! This unique muscle stretches from the inside out very easily, but the reverse is not so. I always ask my subs if they are willing to try anal play. And so very true I never use it as a punishment. Stretching the Anus muscle takes time, and all of my subs have come to enjoy the diversity of it. For each Sub I purchase, with their input, a training set of plugs. I feel this is very important to have them included in the process! And if any sub wishes not to continue then I honor that boundary! At any training secession, 1-3hrs, only one size, smallest to large is ever used! Complete relaxation is useful and an orgasm is the perfect way to follow with anal play! Very slow insertion and I rotate the plug slightly to ease penetration during aftercare! I always suggest they put the plug in and wear it as long as possible, even to work, encouraging their choices! By adding naughty, self play, I feel the “ enjoyment “ grows! And again you are correct about adding anal play while doing every day activities! I have purchased a remote control plug before and used it for a special treat, this was a great way to have a sub enjoy the experience and be totally herself at the same time! Again you are correct about the gradual increase in size, my subs when enjoying this have asked for bigger! I will add in closing that it takes us about 2-3 months of play to achieve her desired results of penal penetration! The wait, patience, encouragement, is a very small price to pay for her trust!!!!

[Go****]

11 hours ago, One4theRoad said:

I'm surprised by the number of people recommending "lots of lube" and then what? Just going to go at it huh? The OP nailed proper training and you all didn't hear a damn thing. Proper training is gradual excercises in stretching, training and proper mindset, not just lube it up and have a go. Proper training will ensure it's not just another hole to use, it will ensure she enjoys it, desires even craves it.
Training starts with smallest plug, 30 minutes with an orgasm required before or after once a day or any time she wishes to masterbate. It won't take long before she wants to try a medium plug and receiving direction from you as to when, again couple this with an orgasm with plug in now. Longer periods of time, possibly during a movie, grocery shopping or other daily tasks. This will be weeks training not hours people.
I also release her from any orgasm restrictions while plugged, no permission needed although she can of course ask if she wishes. Another huge problem is tops/Doms using anal as punishment, don't do this! If you already do this.. stop! Just my 2 cents, don't like it get your refund at the door ✌️

I seem to be missing the part where someone has advised using lots of lube and to then “just go at it.”

The OP asked for additional advice to enhance theirs; that is what has been given. 

[Bo****]

I have found over the years with some of my partners who are kind of resistant to any type of anal play or insertion isn't because they don't enjoy anal at all.. it's usually because they've had former partners who haven't been willing to take the time to let them adjust to the idea.. you cannot just take a new partner who has never done anything anal and just start sticking things of different sizes up their anus.. it has to be a slow process.. if done the wrong way it can be extremely ***ful and then everybody wonders why their partner doesn't want to do anal because they've had a partner in the past who caused incredible ***.. if you're going to get into anything anal the best thing to remember is that slow and easy is the main rule.. plenty of lubrication start out with smaller toys.. and be patient let your partner get used to the feeling.. if they say it hurts then respect what they're telling you.. even for a partner who likes *** it can be very disturbing and ***ful if not done correctly.. just take your time bring your partner along slowly and hopefully they will start to enjoy the pleasure that anal sex can be at certain times.. don't let it be about yourself let it be about your partner.