Slow start way to get into the lifestyle

[CU****]

I am struggling with how to get started in this lifestyle, people get nervous when I explain that I have never had any experience. Any recommendations?!

[Su****]

In my experience, just take it slow and ask questions! 🙂 feel free to shoot me a message if you want to!

[An****]

I am in the same boat, new and trying to learn. It would help if I could somehow focus on just Vancouver Island connections.

[Sl****]

The idea is to communicate your wishes clearly and do not leave room for interpretation. 90% of the experiences are happening in your mind and 10% in reality. Also, your partner has to be lead by your "instructions" and observe what you like or do not like. The atmosphere has to be created for the particular situation you want to be put in... You have to take it slowly and give yourself space to accommodate the events unfolding...is not a rush game like backgammon. Also you have to participate actively and do not build expectations that things will happen if you stand still. You can choose a nice outfit, a beautiful lipstick and be prepared for him to take the control. Patience is the main word if BOTH of you are built for this beautiful lifestyle...

[Re****]

The best way I think, is to go to a local munch. These are sitdown meetings where it's kept vanilla, letting you get as into it as you are comfortable with.

[ea****]

Save your self for the right person and let it be someone you can trust and someone who’s gone take it slow

[Ra****]

Know your likes and dislikes and lots of open conversations with the partners and trusting and feeling safe

[Sircumalot55]

I feel the same way it hard to express your interest but no way in I want to learn the rigging and being a master too

[DA****]

I wonder why they get nervous? Everything in life, there is always a first time for everything. Wwird

[sh****]

You gotta find the rite people to learm so many have no idea what they are doin but really depends exactly what it is you are lookin for

[Do****]

I would look for someone older that been the lifestyle for so long they done everything first things first you gotta build a trust with somebody 1st 

[Kn****]

There's usually a local kink community that posts events and classes. Munches (public vanilla gatherings of kinky people) are your best friend for finding your new kinky friends. As problematic as it is, FetLife is a good way to find your local munch.

[No****]

Go and talk in lobby on here

[FR****]

Honestly your best bet is local forums that focus on BDSM and Kink. FetLife is one such website. Is suggest locating viable groups who do munches and look out for one of them. Some make your RSVP, others let you just give them a heads up your interested. It's a good place to get advice, learn new things, etc. munches are group food meets in public normally reserved ahead of time so it can be held in a more private area. As such free to talk about stuff easier.

[Deleted Member]

As more you talk and chat you can hear and learn. Don't take the answers for the pure truth. You will find out soon, who is a poser and who knows what he is telling you. Give it time and expand your circle. Then you will have the moment you say, "bang, that's the real deal." Don't let you *** in anything.

[Ma****]

10 minutes ago, KnottyLibrarian said:

There's usually a local kink community that posts events and classes. Munches (public vanilla gatherings of kinky people) are your best friend for finding your new kinky friends. As problematic as it is, FetLife is a good way to find your local munch.

Why do you say FetLife is problematic?

[bl****]

It won’t let me message

[Sircumalot55]

Thank you everyone for great advice 👍👍👍

[Ne****]

I am in the same predicament and genuinely would like recommendations as well.

[bl****]

You’ve taken the right first steps, by reaching out here. For the ones that are apprehensive or get nervous because of your inexperience….. screw them!! Weed through them and find people that can give you guidance or advise or just chat with you about the LS in general. You can always DM me too.

[Kn****]

33 minutes ago, Madruck said:

Why do you say FetLife is problematic?

Their security is lacking. I watched a kid build a data scrap@r for it in less than an hour and he scrap@d data on private groups that dangerous men hide from their activity logs. Now that people can delete things as well, there are fewer ways for submissives to evaluate potentially dangerous Doms. They made it so much worse.

[Deleted Member]

Definitely get to a local munch-if you’re nervous about going just let the host know it’s your first time. Making in person connections are really helpful

[Fu****]

36 minutes ago, Madruck said:

Why do you say FetLife is problematic?

I went once, the first thing i read was a dozen or so old men telling a young girl "real" sluts took cream pies from strangers.
I decided my SAFE was rather different than there's and never went back

[Ne****]

There is a lot of great advice given here and I am appreciative of that. In regard to local munch how do you get information

[Ba****]

Step 1) introspection
Step 2) ?
Step 3) success

But jokes aside start worrying about other people after you got an approximate idea of who/what you want to be

Apart from that don’t claim experience you don’t have but you can lead with what you know theoretically to demonstrate that there is at least some understanding already present instead of over-focusing on your lack of practice

Everyone starts somewhere, nobody is perfect, even experienced people have things they haven’t done before, stack up little things, build a strong foundation, question things, move at your own pace and other pseudo-inspirational stuff