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Vanilla girl brand new to any and all kinks; where the hell do I start?


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I've had an extremely conservative upbringing and didn't even know about kinks. Until last year I saw rough porn where the woman was ragged around (by James Deen) and I was instantly turned on. I partner at the time thought that women who wore skirts were "slags" That's how conservative he was so I couldnt even think about telling him thay I liked the idea of rough sex.


Now I'm learning through reading and watching bdsm porn but where the hell do I start? How do I meet someone who will explore this with me? How do I even talk about it? I don't know what I like, where do I start?!? I feel very alone in this like it's a shameful disgusting secret.


Hi, feel free to ask questions. We all have common interests. You can also message me directly and I will do my best to answer your questions. 

You take your time and don't rush. Explore and think about your limits soft and hard. Talk to others in the kink. Beware of fakes, there's nothing disgusting about your desires.
Posted (edited)

Here is where you start, make friends explore questions, share fantasies and find someone to help you grow.  I have to say the chatrooms are the warmest I know of.  

Another thought is finding your nearest "munch", a place to meet folk in a vanilla setting.  It helps to filter the strange ones from the stranger ones.

Edited by BMBen
I had another thought

Welcome to Fetish.com :)  I am sure you'll find many answers here, we have a vibrant community of very helpful and lovely kinksters. Your desires aren't in anyway shameful, take your time and see what's out there. When you're ready, you can look into events in your area (munches are a good place to start, kinky people meeting in a vanilla setting, often a pub) and sometimes jumping into a play event (where people will be actively engaged in various kink/BDSM activities) can be a good way to start. :) 

Hay. I know the feeling. I came into this about less than two years ago. Come from a very religious and conservative background. The truth is you’ve already made a start. Your looking into it and your here. Reading, watching and asking questions help loads. Take it slow, be safe and smart about it. Identify what specifically about what you’ve watched or read you liked. Don’t plung in the deep end, start small and work up. Find your limits. Make friends. Go to events.
Hiya & Welcome! Feel free to come chat to folks, ask questions, find documentaries on YouTube & read, lots. 😊 X x x

I would suggest - taking your time to explore 'sites' like these.

Posts on forums ;)  Much advice to be received and discussed.

Message people - chat - ask people about their experience - where they came from - how they got into it.


Somewhere along the way something will 'click' and no doubt lead to something else ;)


...oh and enjoy yourself along the way.

Then again wtf do i know.  ;)  Appreciated the line  -  women who wore skirts were "slags"   - i can relate to that to a degree in my current situation.



I agree with much of what has already been said, in particular the forums - do not be shy, just post a question if there is something you would like to know and there is surely someone out there with similar experiences. Just look at the responses so far.

also, you can follow certain discussions in the forums so you get notifications when people post. It does increase your e-mail traffic but at least you do not miss out when that particular topic close to your heart appears.

Best of luck, and as both myself and others have said, feel free to ask if there is something you would like to know. We have all had slightly different journeys. 

For myself, it has been a long journey...



Only play with people you are completely comfortable with and set boundaries at all time have safe words in place

Do only what you feel like never be pushed into stuff you don't 

Venture onto porn hub or hamster  both free video sites or just plain old google to see what floats your boat

It's a big world out there and if you don't like something move on 

Chat to people on here from both sides of the fence (doms and subs )most will offer good advice and happily chat about the lifestyle


if your location is accurate, Manchester is a fairly hotbed of stuff - there are many munches, events, dungeons : both around Manchester and in other nearby cities like Liverpool and Stockport.  And possibly my recommendation for a friendly social with dungeon is Miss Tilly's in Stockport.  As well has having wonderful hosts, they have many work shops and it's important to know safety and how things work.  I appreciate part of the thrill is feeling your not safe at times, but still overall you need to know you're in safe hands if and when you do engage in any play.

However, I'd recommend going to anything when you're ready - you don't need to rush out. Hell, you may not need to go out at all.

Munches are socials and can be very helpful for someone starting out - to meet new friends into the lifestyle, to share tips and see how some people work.  Anyone who tries to push you into a play or a relationship on your first munch are the very types of people you should consider never dealing with.  

There are a lot of good resources on this site - and also on other sites.

When I started I found reading a lot of people's opinions was helpful : even those I didn't agree with (it taught me what NOT to do) 

Remember, there are no short cuts - this is a journey, the best road is the long winding one.  

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

... And possibly my recommendation for a friendly social with dungeon is Miss Tilly's in Stockport.... 


I recommend Miss T's too. wonderfully welcoming people there!

Munches are the best way to meet someone you're attracted to and take it from there. Read about different things and talk in detail about what youre curious of and also limits. Don't rush!!! Best of luck
  • 4 months later...

I agree, I'm fairly new to this, I'm finding reading different stories you get different buzz from, the ones you get the biggest buzz from is the ones you should explore, and no need to rush, unless your an oldie like me, lol

YouTube. Dr.Doe she keeps it pretty basic on YouTube but if you decide to follow her to her site she goes more into detail. I have gained many resources from her.
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