I am 18 and want to get into BDSM but unsure and little nervous on where to start

[Evho_ghostie]

I just turned 18 and have been dreaming about the day I can finally get into bdsm but I am unsure on where to start and little scared on how to go about it. I haven’t had much sexual experience besides the make outs and some fingering and grinding.

 

any tips for someone who is a complete virgin to this part of the community and how to go about getting into it?

[Deleted Member]

Merry Christmas evho, and welcome. I’m way too far away to help you physically unfortunately, however I’ve been around this for 30 years, so please feel free to ask me anything and use to me lean on as you move forward x

[Deleted Member]

I would say go slow and find someone you trust that doesn't put any pressure on you, knows your limits and start with basic stuff work from there 😊

[Deviant_Ric]

Firstly welcome to this gloriously seductive world.
Rule no 1 - read lots and ask lots of questions.
Rule no 2 - don’t believe everything you read or everything you hear.
Rule no 3 - take your time. You have all the time in the world, and remember that once this path is travelled your life will never be the same again.
Rule no 4 - enjoy, embrace, explore.
Rule no 5 - you ALWAYS have the absolute right to say no thank you.

There are countless wonderful people in this world who will be only too happy to guide, mentor, answer questions, point you in the right direction, and generally be honest with you.
Beware this world also has way more than its fair share of bullying, manipulative, and generally unpleasant characters. Do not, under any circumstances, put yourself into a position where you have no emergency exit. Ever.

Have a wonderful time. There’s nothing else quite like it

[da****]

Hey think of bdsm as different levels, the first level is research into what u may be interested in or searching kinks u have heard or haven’t etc the second level is to know how to safely do these kinks then third level with a trusted person experiment. Honestly just talk and ask questions and it’ll make it a lot easier. I’m not very good at giving advice as such but if u wanna ask questions then just message me I’d be more than happy to help

[Matttster]

As many have said, take your read and take your time.

Read: Do more than read, research. Understand things. There is a lot to BDSM, mentally and physically. Research things that pique your interest. Don’t rely on someone to tell you how things are, research them and understand them.

Take your time: Don’t just find some person and go start playing. Make sure you know, trust and respect the person (it does not matter if a Top or bottom) before getting your kink on. This ties into research as well, research before play.

I will add be safe. It is not difficult to get hurt (mentally or physically) in kink. For example many people are into breath play and there are ways to do this safely. But not doing it safely can easily damage the windpipe. Or take rope work, even ignoring suspension and just “simple tying” can easily cause nerve damage (trust me I learned this the hard way). Again, there are safe ways to do this. Be sure to understand basic safety if you are a bottom and thoroughly understand it if you are a Top.

[TheBookCollector]

Firstly welcome.

The best way to get involved in BDSM is to educate yourself about how to stay safe, research red flags, question everything you are told. Beware the dominants that ask for tributes or those that tell you "You have to do it because im the dominant". Learn about limits, safewords, and safe calls.

Read lots of articles on subjects you.are.interesred in. Undersrand there us no one True way all dynamics are different.

Find your local kink community, the best place for that is fetlife.com, go to munches in your area, and meet people in a social setting.

Trust your gut, if something moves too fast ask why, is it to stop you asking questions.

Never use honourifics with people until you know them and have agreed a dynamic.

Be.careful what pictures you send people.

[Matttster]

Let me add: Welcome to BDSM!! Kink can be incredibly fun and liberating. As I hit send, I realized that my comment sounded kind of down. I have had too many friends (1 is too many really) hurt, both mentally and physically. Things happen and people can get hurt, but with precautions the likelihood is much less.

Take your time and enjoy what kink has to offer :)

[Kieran-8774]

The biggest bit off information I would say is communication and re search. Maybe do a bdsm test to see if your dom or sub and go from there. I'm not greatly experienced but I'm allways happy to help where I can 😃

[EmilyDDD]

Welcome and good luck. The reason we, as a community are all telling you about caution is because there are true Dom/mes out there--the people who recognize and respect that submission is a gift given by a sub when they are safe. And then there are fake Dom/mes--those who will try to manipulate a submissive to their will to gratify their desire.

I'm switch, which means I do both. But please also keep in mind, not everything within bdsm is necessarily tied to a D/s dynamic. Some things fall into bdsm simply because they are not "normal" or outside of traditional sexually accepted practices.

Reading is helpful. If you can find a mentor, that's also useful. Finding someone, even if it's just a friend who is, as we call them in the community, vanilla but will not judge you for your actions or desires and will allow you to tell them about what you are exploring is useful.

I'm sad to say that you will meet a lot of perverts, block them, they are not worth your time if they only see you as a sexual object. Unless you're looking for quick fun, and then there's no judgment in that either.

Good luck and I feel free to reach out if you ever need someone to talk to.

[Lord_Talion]

There are specific web sites that have been around for decades that are filled with active members of this community. Fetlife, though mostly full of bad apples, has the most access to munches and events and is probably your best betbfor getting to know this community with others from your area

[RAMB]

Welcome to the universe please be careful what ever you do i am new also never been to a munch ect good luck

[TheBookCollector]

3 hours ago, Lord_Talion said:

There are specific web sites that have been around for decades that are filled with active members of this community. Fetlife, though mostly full of bad apples, has the most access to munches and events and is probably your best betbfor getting to know this community with others from your area

Fetlife is no different to any other website interms of "bad apples". It also has by far a better selection of forums than here especially those that are active and well moderated.

[ey****]

I often feel a bit mixed bag about Fetlife.

I wouldn't tell someone to avoid it - but when I recommend it, it's often with reluctance.

It is good for finding munches and events but this is, harshly, because a lot who organise munches and events are lazy. They tend to create an event on there and that's all the promotion they do.

Their groups/forums I find is a very mixed bag.  Because anyone can create on there are often multiple for the same fucking thing which results in a lot of cross posting.  Also as anyone can be a mod there it removes the level of quality control, it means groups are often left unmoderated if the person needs a break or simply can't be arsed.  There's also a lot of inconsistencies.

A lot of the forums are just a mess of personal ads or thirst posting - or guys collecting for their wank bank.

That's not to say there's often not good notes or good threads or good advice - but - a lot can be difficult to navigate.  It's seriously in need of a long overdue overhaul.

[Nylon-Nellie]

There is some sound advice already been given. Trust your gut instinct. Attend local munches and ignore the inboxes from thirsty men wanting to be your mentor. Read forums and ask lots of questions. Everyone will have an opinion, but an opinion from a variety of people is what matters. No honorifics, no sending of nudes and no submitting. 

 

@Lord_Talion This site has bad apples as well, not just fetlife. It is learning how to deal with the said bad apples. I have come across bad apples on both sites.

 

Enjoy the start of your journey.

[ey****]

for some on topic advice

whichever site you use - ask questions publicly and often expect replies publicly.

If someone tries to give you advice privately - who are they, what do they want? Is it to help you or prey on your naivety? 

[Nylon-Nellie]

^^^This^^^

[Koby]

Avoid individuals who wish to "train" you lol.

No actual reason to be nervous..... For me, BDSM is about your own "journey". At the beginning, I explored every role that I could until I found my place and made it my own. 

But it's important to understand that there are no expectations or requirements or demands. Some peeps are so anxious about finding themselves  within BDSM that they end up not enjoying the "Journey". 

Lastly, the normative way of thinking is to put ourselves in boxes e.g.  I must stick to rigid boundaries.  Read, Comprehend and Explore. This is about your personal experiences.

 

Evie Lupine on yooootube is a great starting point 

[Phoenyx]

Welcome everyone.  I should add, don't believe what is shown in BDSM porn.  That is more fantasy than reality.  Same with the cliche Hollywood version.  That actual "Scene" has a much different vibe.

[Dancingbear225]

I would advise that the first thing to study is yourself. What do you want in your heart of hearts, and that can be the most difficult thing in the world, because for it to have any meaning you have to be honest with yourself, stripping away what you believe other people want or expect of or for you.

[Ae****]

Research. Google. Then make sure you find a kind, smart partner who has patience and can learn with you or teach you. Filter. Be smart about who you settle on for a relationship.
Then have fun.

[Cougar-Alley]

I'm 50 yrs young and I wanna experience this world and believe me I have a colourful experience with men and yes a few woman but I prefer men sorry ladies but I know what I want...so I'm single and yea I get a dom locally but tips or advice
Thanks ahead 🐾💋🐾

[PrinceCruel]

You are 18, full of life and with the whole world to conquer, don't give in to ***, jump into it and stand strong for you are making a significant step into your own journey of self discovery. You may be a newbie but not for long, use your confidence to say "yes please" and "no thank you", questions will come up so ask, research, challenge, question and make your own mind from your own experience. You will find in you ***s you have no idea of and practice will help you master/mistress of those. Good luck

[ey****]

I suspect given this thread is over 2 years old - and that the member is no longer on the site

she's either embraced the lifestyle or not bothered 

[PrinceCruel]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I suspect given this thread is over 2 years old - and that the member is no longer on the site

she's either embraced the lifestyle or not bothered 

lesson learnt! Check the original date of posting...