Slow start way to get into the lifestyle

[DarkArts1066]

Are you sure that it is nerves they are expressing ?

It’s perfectly possible, -but you identify as a submissive, meaning that you probably engage more with Doms, than other subs, -would that be fair to say ?

A Dom who lacks confidence isn’t the right fit for a sub who is new to the lifestyle, -as a general rule.

I know a Dom and a sub who were both new, and decided to explore together - only as play partners, not in a relationship.
It didn’t end very well.

She was vague about limits and interests, he was unable to manage his own limits and had little control during sessions.

Attending Munches - as someone else has already said, is a really good way to meet other people.

Don’t rush to organise sessions, try and be patient. Learn from people you meet at Munches….. they will help you.
Read. Online ….. books….. anything you can find, and form opinions, develop your own Modus Operandi……

And never feel obligated to enter into anything -until you are happy that the person you are considering has what YOU need in mind.

[be****]

No matter what, be true to yourself. Get to know the man in a vanilla sense and only when you’re completely able to trust him, then carefully consider anything more. Another tip, take a picture of his license plate so if needed you can identify him

[Deleted Member]

Honestly, everyone has probably said what I am about to say, but I'm going to be a little different in how I say it

A dominant person that you should look for, should have the personality of a gardener to a rose, one that will help you grow and bloom, not cut off your petles at the start

Your best way is to join a midweek munch, as overwhelming as that might feel, it is no more then an evening at a pub, a few people drinking together, wearing standard vanilla clothing.
If you go to a midweek, get their early, so you can say hi to the organisers, and slowly mingle as people enter

Dip your toes before the rest of the body

[Pa****]

Communicate………communicate…….commmunitcate some more. Take ur time No need to rush into things. It’s the same as dating. Look for the red flags, aka questions, go to munches, and follow your gut if you feel something is off it means there is something u need to watch out for.

If possible find a mentor who is willing to lead u with nothing in return. U need to learn trust and healthy communication along with having someone to keep you accountable for your own actions.

Thinking a D-type knows exactly what u need is a pipe dream. They learn from what u tell them. Don’t be afraid to say no or use safe words. NO ONE SHOULD EVER MAKE U FEEL BAD FOR USING A SAFE WORD. They should praise u and comfort u.

Dont be afraid to reach out to others to learn from their experiences. But when u reach out set boundaries for yourself and don’t break them.

[me****]

True???

[bi****]

It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed. The right D won't run away from zero experience they will see it as a blank canvas to build something safe and beautiful together.

[Se****]

4 hours ago, birky21006 said:

It’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed. The right D won't run away from zero experience they will see it as a blank canvas to build something safe and beautiful together.

I would agree with you birky21006. And even a less experienced Dom sees an opportunity to grow as well. When both are willing the possibilities are open!

[ma****]

As an experienced dom for over 30 years I feel opportunity is always there weather what the experince is for the sub. As I seen in previous comments it can be a blank canvas which is correct. I have had new subs and subs that have been in the lifestyle for sometime. I treat every new sub to me as a blank canvas . My techniques may provide similar outcomes but exact. I hope this helps have a great day

[Mr****]

My recommendation would just be yourself, take things slow, and figure out what it is you want and what you like and what you want to explore about yourself. All about opening up and trying new things. If you try something and dont like it, no harm no foul but you might have seen or heard something you want to try. The LS is the place to try things cause the majority of people in it are all just good and fun loving adults.

[ne****]

I feel the same way. Like how do you slowly and safely get started.

[3z****]

You got this, just be your most authentic self, take it at your pace and whoever isn't into it, wasn't for you, BUT every person who walks away opens space for those who are for you. Reminding them that your a clean slate for training might be a turn on for most, so that's something you could say. They probably nervous because of that fact, actually.

[Jf****]

Find someone you can discuss your concerns/ potential interests with before starting anything. If they are respectful and want to help you ease in then they should know to take things slow.

[gr****]

Its important to to have an in depth talk with your partner about their interests and boundaries. As a dom or a master it is important that you always be thoughtful of your submissives emotional and physical responses or reactions during any activity you do. I like talk with my partner a little later after each session to so that we better understanding each other and help recognize where each other's boundaries are in practice.

[si****]

Same here. Minneapolis area. A confusing start. I am going to munches. ( as elsewhere) it's more difficult to break into cliques. People say just keep coming to these. Wish I could get approached more. But ALWAYS hopeful.

[co****]

I'm new to the lifestyle. I started with playing with toys then found someone who helped me with playing with toys better. Eventually I decided to find someone who could train my holes finally and give discipline.
I was very selective and found an older gentleman. He came to my place and he gently opened me up and introduced me fully to kink.
Now I'm grateful to him for making my fantasy come true.

[To****]

Honestly, I’d take “I have no experience” over someone pretending to be an expert…

If you’re new, don’t try to jump straight into the deep end. Start by getting to know yourself first. What you want, what you’re curious about, where your boundaries are and what being submissive actually means to you

Then find a Dom you genuinely feel comfortable with and start by talking. A lot

As a Dom, I’d rather learn what makes a woman tick, what she needs, what scares her and what she wants to explore than rush into playing a role

Experience comes from paying attention, taking responsibility and learning each other. You don’t need to know everything on day one

And if someone loses interest simply because you’re inexperienced, they probably weren’t the right person to learn with anyway

[co****]

I agree with that