A newbie Mistress learning from an experienced sub

[Vi****]

Hello, I'm curious if this is common among newbie Mistresses to use their subs as a source of knowledge how to properly guide a submissive man.
I don't mean fake dommes but everyone was a beginner once and gained necessary knowledge step by step from various sources. So the question is addressed to those Mistresses who are aware of their beginner status but want to learn and improve their skills.

[Deleted Member]

I received my education under a well established Dom, accompanied by a sub he knew well. When I was doing that the rule was quite clear, do f*+k her until we have connected. It was like three months or so if I recall. During that time I’d talk regularly with the alpha dom on my progress. Eventually the sub and I became a couple and lasted for a couple years.

[MistressMiya]

Oh absolutely. A guiding hand is welcome no matter who it comes from. I personally learned from a couple. Very sweet pair actually. The mistress like 20 years of experience and helped me get comfortable, and the sub had almost 16 years of experience so he was a great teaching tool in his own right. It is absolutely amazing to learn from a dom and a sub because both teach you differently.

[Le****]

In my experience as a dom ypu should always take time to learn from your sub. Everyone is different and likes things done to them differently.

[ro****]

Wow?! Both of you guys provide vantage points in which I feel are valuable. I am new.. I would like an “established” dom as my instructor but how do I know if he is the proper teacher? I do feel the woman will tell me what she needs to makes her be willing to give her power (sub) to me but then I wonder will she manipulate just to her benefit? Any solutions to either course of action

[Vi****]

@rowlett70096 I think , from a sub perspective that a good Dom teacher should tell you to pay attention to your sub's needs/desires but also her doubts/***s. In general be focused on her not only on what you want to practice with her.

[ro****]

Victorian, thanks the advice is indeed welcomed brother.

[ro****]

VictoJorgssen, thank you again brother, my autocorrect butchered your name.

[Vi****]

You're welcome

[ey****]

Some of this feels somewhat loaded, but still...

I mean on paper, all Dominants of all descriptions and experience levels can learn from their sub.  If nothing else, even if they've however many years experience and played or had relationships with however many people - not everyone is the same

However.  I've seen somewhat of an issue where - 'experienced' male subs have used the idea of training a newbie Mistress to their advantage to project and manipulate - rather than to offer actual help or guidance.   Depending on the overall context, a new Dominant would learn more from other Dominants, and also others in relationships together on what works and doesn't for them.  While also being aware this isn't a one-size solution.

A Mistress learning from their sub(s) merely teaches them what their subs like.  

[Vi****]

An 'experienced' sub trying to manipulate his Mistress is shame. He should share his reactions/feelings to help his Mistress to notice thingd she normally could omit to see. But I agree of course with you, that seeking other Dominants' advice is crucial.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, rowlett70096 said:

Wow?! Both of you guys provide vantage points in which I feel are valuable. I am new.. I would like an “established” dom as my instructor but how do I know if he is the proper teacher? I do feel the woman will tell me what she needs to makes her be willing to give her power (sub) to me but then I wonder will she manipulate just to her benefit? Any solutions to either course of action

On the first point.  Not only a who are you choosing as an instructor, but why are they choosing you? Most people really have too much on to train every single person who decides they need it.   Though you asking if the person did become available if they're right is a valid question

This is why you take time to get to know people in your community, then people can see if you are 'worth' training and you can see if they are someone you'd want to be 'trained' by - but then consider still everyone is busy so stuff like any form of one on one training is only going to happen on their terms.

It's always worth getting info from more than one source, and the internet is a wealth of knowledge as are, again, ***rs in your community

if you think someone is going to manipulate you then they're not the person for you.  The only kinda issue is sometimes Dommes give instructions the guy decides to challenge and just assumes he's being manipulated cos it involves him doing something which actually benefits her. 

[Ne****]

You might want to connect with your local lifestyle scene. Munches & other social events are a great way to network. You'll be able to meet people from the whole spectrum & if you're lucky, get a mentor.

[ey****]

As a slight thought.  Like, I am someone who *could* be described as an experienced sub.  And I have at times done stuff wit Dommes who were new - often as part of training they were doing with another Domme, or sometimes bouncing in private play.

Like my experience is simple in the.... I can tell you what  *I* like.  I can tell you what a hypothetical "some guys" like.   There's probably some toys and equipment I can show how to use.

However, there's a lot where... like there are a lot of people who are somewhat self-taught and that's a mixture of trial and error and their own research. Everyone should be responsible for research in kink.   But also stuff where... yeah, they need another Mistress' perspective.

There's probably a few blogs I can recommend which were written by Pro Dommes, and some of this is some of the nightmares they've had with subs, especially owned/personal subs who've moved outside the paid arrangement and think they're set.... cos from a sub perspective these can be good on *what not to do* and from a Domme perspective a lot of stuff which... well... if your sub is creating you more work and leaving you exhausted something isn't right.

[sa****]

From a Mistress of 74 years I have been have had the honor of training each one. I want to p op

[sa****]

Train them to fit me and my needs. Yes but I need to know the needs of my subs to see if we can get along in and out of bed.
Each sub has such different needs. Who controls her subs yes I do but it also to care and make them feel needed with out them what am I

[No****]

Is that what you are saying you want or are frustrated by

[mi****]

I need a mistress so bad but I’m female

[Bosslady96]

Well to me there is no arm in learning from an experience sub we all have different journey and different life so I don't expect your to be same ways as mine but you could also learn all of this buy having a mentor a mistress you watch or admire that could also be a good step so you wont get boring to your sub

[Al****]

Hiii would love to join the conversation