pr**** Posted yesterday at 06:53 PM Does any other owner get that heavy weight of inadequacy when their pet does everything they can to disregard the rules they put in place? And not even in a beat way but in a genuine idc way. Ive tried so much changing things talking to her and explaining how it makes me feel when she does it and it physically hurts me every time she says shes js gonna do what she wants. And i dont know if this is a reflection of me maybe im not strict enough or im too strict but ive tried everything i can think of and its just not working.
Do**** Posted yesterday at 08:11 PM It honestly sounds like it may be a miss match of personalities. I have certainly been in your shoes and unfortunately sometimes you have to accept that things are not going to work out. If you have had legitimate conversation about these things and how they make you feel and they are still doing the same behaviors its time to move on.
Slats Posted yesterday at 08:20 PM Has it been this way from the beginning, or is this a new occurrence?
ey**** Posted yesterday at 08:26 PM 14 minutes ago, DominateD92 said: It honestly sounds like it may be a miss match of personalities. I have certainly been in your shoes and unfortunately sometimes you have to accept that things are not going to work out. If you have had legitimate conversation about these things and how they make you feel and they are still doing the same behaviors its time to move on. yep - pretty much the only sensible comment on the thread the two of you are not meant to be.
pr**** Posted yesterday at 08:36 PM Author 16 minutes ago, Slats said: Has it been this way from the beginning, or is this a new occurrence? In the beginning she was good yea we had sometimes its a playful not listen bc shes js a brat but blatant rules that i set that we both agreed upon and modified to work for us both she simple started just randomly saying "idc about that ill do what i want" and will simple just disregard them
pr**** Posted yesterday at 08:38 PM Author 17 minutes ago, Rayzer2026 said: Start putting your foot down honestly. But what if i tried that and it was met with an idc attitude. I can only be so strict to the point where then i feel like it leads into an abusive area in our dynamic and id eat a jean jacket from a toilet before allowing it to get like that
Slats Posted yesterday at 08:47 PM 11 minutes ago, prettyXpuppy said: In the beginning she was good yea we had sometimes its a playful not listen bc shes js a brat but blatant rules that i set that we both agreed upon and modified to work for us both she simple started just randomly saying "idc about that ill do what i want" and will simple just disregard them That gives me more to work with than. Alright, let's break this down and see if we can find the source of the problem. Others have already said that it simply might not be a good match. That is a distinct possibility. Other causes could be a) inconsistency on your part, b) outside stress are mental factors on her part, c) trust erosion, d) topping from the bottom. In all cases but D, a serious sit-down discussion Is the only way you will get to the bottom of it. With D, well, you should know how to handle that. I would recommend the conversation. Say something to the effect of "We need to discuss this, and we need to discuss it now. Have a seat, and let's talk this out." If she refuses, show her to the door. Because either your dynamic does not mesh, or she needs help that you can't provide.
pr**** Posted yesterday at 09:03 PM Author 15 minutes ago, Slats said: That gives me more to work with than. Alright, let's break this down and see if we can find the source of the problem. Others have already said that it simply might not be a good match. That is a distinct possibility. Other causes could be a) inconsistency on your part, b) outside stress are mental factors on her part, c) trust erosion, d) topping from the bottom. In all cases but D, a serious sit-down discussion Is the only way you will get to the bottom of it. With D, well, you should know how to handle that. I would recommend the conversation. Say something to the effect of "We need to discuss this, and we need to discuss it now. Have a seat, and let's talk this out." If she refuses, show her to the door. Because either your dynamic does not mesh, or she needs help that you can't provide. Yea im going to talk ab it with her today because id rather js have that convo and hope we can work something out on why and what we can do because our communication is really good js gotta start the discussion
OF**** Posted yesterday at 09:04 PM so the number one thing is here she does not value you or respect you as per Dom/owner. if you're in fact her Dom / owner. however your profile indicates your more of a subby switch so probably partners at best and a discussion to meet in the middle instead of requiring certain guidelines to be met maybe the only option for you. if that doesn't work then it's time to move on and find someone that does work.
pr**** Posted yesterday at 09:04 PM Author 16 minutes ago, Slats said: That gives me more to work with than. Alright, let's break this down and see if we can find the source of the problem. Others have already said that it simply might not be a good match. That is a distinct possibility. Other causes could be a) inconsistency on your part, b) outside stress are mental factors on her part, c) trust erosion, d) topping from the bottom. In all cases but D, a serious sit-down discussion Is the only way you will get to the bottom of it. With D, well, you should know how to handle that. I would recommend the conversation. Say something to the effect of "We need to discuss this, and we need to discuss it now. Have a seat, and let's talk this out." If she refuses, show her to the door. Because either your dynamic does not mesh, or she needs help that you can't provide. I was js trying to get some insight from the more experience if that makes sense
Ja**** Posted yesterday at 09:05 PM Maybe ooen up the dynamic. Maybe she is actually an alpha sub and needs to dom while subbing. Maybe she needs to see a proper sub actas they should. Or if either of u are not ok with this. Maybe u need to switch roles from time to time? Let her be the top and behave urself and follow properly. Show her by example. Then swap back l, if her attitude doesn't correct, swap the next time and start showing her how it feels by doing the same back. Halfway through apologize(make a sacrifice) and start behaving again. Let her feel thay devotion slip and return and see if that helps. Otherwise the other gents may be right. It may be time to move on.
wi**** Posted yesterday at 09:10 PM Im more of a dom than a pet owner. But in the dom setting if she doesnt stick to the rules she gets punished. Which is a part of the dynamic that is agreed upon so it doesnt go beyond her limits but reminds her who is in control..im not an experienced "pet" owner for humans but for ***s (which from my understanding has similarities for this particular dynamic) there are two ways I train my ***s. For cats. Its to distract them away from the bad behavior and reward the good. Being consistant. For example my cat is not allowed on my couch but there is an *** couch for them. Didnt take me long to distract from the forbidden couch and reward the *** couch. Now i can be gone for a few days and he wont get on it. For dogs..there is positive rein***ment training technique for training amd for correcting a stern "no" followed by an easy command and reward for execution of the comand. since dogs respond well to a single no as a reprimand. Cats dont respond to no they get vindictive and angry not ashamed like like dogs do. One thing I never feel is "hurt" because my ***s are not following training. Its a reflection on my effectiveness of my training. Not the ***. I imagine its important to distinguish which *** ur pet is protraying and providing the correct corrective training.
pr**** Posted 23 hours ago Author 10 minutes ago, OFFICIALBULL100 said: so the number one thing is here she does not value you or respect you as per Dom/owner. if you're in fact her Dom / owner. however your profile indicates your more of a subby switch so probably partners at best and a discussion to meet in the middle instead of requiring certain guidelines to be met maybe the only option for you. if that doesn't work then it's time to move on and find someone that does work. With her i was always in the dom role and she was always im the sub role. Its been like that since we started and we actually talked ab maybe switching but she always said she only wants to be a sub so maybe yea we need to talk ab possibly meeting in the middle somewhere that works for us both
pr**** Posted 23 hours ago Author 10 minutes ago, Jack0131 said: Maybe ooen up the dynamic. Maybe she is actually an alpha sub and needs to dom while subbing. Maybe she needs to see a proper sub actas they should. Or if either of u are not ok with this. Maybe u need to switch roles from time to time? Let her be the top and behave urself and follow properly. Show her by example. Then swap back l, if her attitude doesn't correct, swap the next time and start showing her how it feels by doing the same back. Halfway through apologize(make a sacrifice) and start behaving again. Let her feel thay devotion slip and return and see if that helps. Otherwise the other gents may be right. It may be time to move on. Can you explain what alpha subbing it bc ive never heard of that. And also that might be a good idea to switch roles and leading by example
Ja**** Posted 23 hours ago 7 minutes ago, prettyXpuppy said: Can you explain what alpha subbing it bc ive never heard of that. And also that might be a good idea to switch roles and leading by example An alpha sub is in a 3+ dynamic u always have 1 dom, 2 subs, however sometimes 1 sub also has dom needs and tendencies. Something like when a married couple brings in another playmate. Her marriage, her house, she the main woman right? Well that translates into the dynamic most of the time. Make her the alpha in a 3 way and have the other sub service her while u mostly direct both and service primarily the alpha sub as well.
wi**** Posted 23 hours ago 7 minutes ago, Jack0131 said: An alpha sub is in a 3+ dynamic u always have 1 dom, 2 subs, however sometimes 1 sub also has dom needs and tendencies. Something like when a married couple brings in another playmate. Her marriage, her house, she the main woman right? Well that translates into the dynamic most of the time. Make her the alpha in a 3 way and have the other sub service her while u mostly direct both and service primarily the alpha sub as well. Im just a bored outsider with an opinion. So dont take this the wrong way but if this person is unable to handle her as a sub just one on one. There is no way they will be able to handle 2 subs. As someone experienced with 3ways. As well as having a primary. There is a bit of a juggling act when it comes to the dom giving both subs the attention and direction they required to allow the subs to feel comfortable with each other and not competitive. They may need to get a handle on their current sub before branching out like that. Switch may be more their s***d to lead by example
pr**** Posted 23 hours ago Author 14 minutes ago, Jack0131 said: An alpha sub is in a 3+ dynamic u always have 1 dom, 2 subs, however sometimes 1 sub also has dom needs and tendencies. Something like when a married couple brings in another playmate. Her marriage, her house, she the main woman right? Well that translates into the dynamic most of the time. Make her the alpha in a 3 way and have the other sub service her while u mostly direct both and service primarily the alpha sub as well. Me and her have had that conversation of we would be okay with a third but i refuse and she refuses to bring anyone into our relationship or situation till we know we are solid enough for that to happen but okok i see thank you for explaining
pr**** Posted 23 hours ago Author 7 minutes ago, willwantsit said: Im just a bored outsider with an opinion. So dont take this the wrong way but if this person is unable to handle her as a sub just one on one. There is no way they will be able to handle 2 subs. As someone experienced with 3ways. As well as having a primary. There is a bit of a juggling act when it comes to the dom giving both subs the attention and direction they required to allow the subs to feel comfortable with each other and not competitive. They may need to get a handle on their current sub before branching out like that. Switch may be more their s***d to lead by example Yes thank you sm i will talk to her ab maybe switching and we will discuss that it sounds like something that may work
ey**** Posted 23 hours ago yeah, whatever you do - or don't do... bringing in additional partners to any degree is just a recipe for disaster. You need to solidify what you have first.
OF**** Posted 22 hours ago 1 hour ago, prettyXpuppy said: With her i was always in the dom role and she was always im the sub role. Its been like that since we started and we actually talked ab maybe switching but she always said she only wants to be a sub so maybe yea we need to talk ab possibly meeting in the middle somewhere that works for us both I don't know if you would be willing to share but what transgressions are they,? no judgment! just information! that can make a huge difference in a lot of these answers I think
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