🔥 Let’s talk body types, attraction, and body confidence in BDSM.🔥

[TripleXHexxx]

1 hour ago, jaxnorth said:

Are we pretending that people don't care about looks? I mean really more than once I was chatting with someone they were definitely interested and then they said hey could you send me another picture or a first picture and I did. And by the way I don't send d**k pics I'm talking about a normal picture. And upon receiving it they just blocked me. So don't talk to me about personality

Let me also point out that I came to this app to try to find who I am looking for outside of real life events because I only meet people in real life at conferences and events right now. Dating apps and online connections often lead to a lot of talk and a lot of objectification. If you have been unsuccessful with your face pictures gleamingthe results you are hoping for, maybe it isn't your looks but the personality you display in your messages... like your initial comment to me in response to 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾.

Two women agreed with one another and you inserted your argument as to what we literally said we want. You should unpack that. Seriously. Do better.

[ja****]

7 hours ago, TripleXHexxx said:

Let me also point out that I came to this app to try to find who I am looking for outside of real life events because I only meet people in real life at conferences and events right now. Dating apps and online connections often lead to a lot of talk and a lot of objectification. If you have been unsuccessful with your face pictures gleamingthe results you are hoping for, maybe it isn't your looks but the personality you display in your messages... like your initial comment to me in response to 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾.

Two women agreed with one another and you inserted your argument as to what we literally said we want. You should unpack that. Seriously. Do better.

I love that there's no version of this where you can acknowledge that maybe people are shallow. Well unless they're men right? Ask any normal looking guy on here without a 12-in cock and they will tell you how rare it is to get a response. The fact that you have no sympathy or empathy for the male experience speaks volumes about your personality

[ja****]

7 hours ago, TripleXHexxx said:

Are we pretending that people are nit a monolith and that demisexuals exist? Are we pretending that BDSM is only for people who have sex with their partners?

Wild take, man. I've been active in the real life community foe over 20 years and looks have never been a prerequisite for play nor a dynamic for me. I have also never experienced a drought in the play partner category. I'm am far more select about who I enter a dynamic with but I can assure you that looks have never been a determining factor for me and that is probably why I have been blessed with so many beautiful people in my life.🤷🏾‍♀️

Also, I'm going to say what I haven't seen in this thread:
Judging a person's health and ability based on their weight is ableist and fatphobic. I have known BBWs who have better stamina and run literal marathons. I have seen them outlast their thinner counterparts often. The people who equate size to health are woefully ignorant about ability.

Yeah you're a woman, all you have to do is show up and you're part of the space lol. It's amazing how you can call yourself a presenter but are unwilling or able to recognize the different experiences that men might have instead what's your default? To shame me and say that there's something wrong with me. You say that we're not a monolith but something tells me when people comment on Race you don't say Hey Now white people aren't a monolith. Give me a break

[TripleXHexxx]

2 hours ago, jaxnorth said:

Yeah you're a woman, all you have to do is show up and you're part of the space lol. It's amazing how you can call yourself a presenter but are unwilling or able to recognize the different experiences that men might have instead what's your default? To shame me and say that there's something wrong with me. You say that we're not a monolith but something tells me when people comment on Race you don't say Hey Now white people aren't a monolith. Give me a break

I can tell you that you should seek therapy. I don't say that to be funny or condescending. I don't say it as an insult. I say it because you took this in so many wild directions because you are projecting. You need to unpack that.

I can also tell you that the reason you get blocked has nothing to do with your face pictures and everything to do with the personality and character you displayed in this thread. An emoji set you off. You went in on me over a literal emoji. Grow up.

I don't call myself a Presenter because I thought it was a fun title to make me look good. I am a Presenter because my resume and history says so. People and organizations ask me to present. They ask me to teach. I do that. You can be mad about it all you like but you can't take that away because you're mad you weren't chosen or because I agreed with another woman for having more emotional intelligence than you by posting "👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾."

Bold of you to try to bring race into this. Think what you want, pumpkin. It doesn't change what I do or who I am.

[TripleXHexxx]

2 hours ago, jaxnorth said:

I love that there's no version of this where you can acknowledge that maybe people are shallow. Well unless they're men right? Ask any normal looking guy on here without a 12-in cock and they will tell you how rare it is to get a response. The fact that you have no sympathy or empathy for the male experience speaks volumes about your personality

Not all are shallow. Just small minded people who think looks are enough to build a relationship on as if people's looks, bodies and experiences don't change over time. Why should I have any sympathy for you? You don't display it for anyone. There are a ton of men that I respect in the real world community and none of them have a problem building healthy dynamics because they don't move the way you do. You don't have to believe that there are men I respect. I have a literal digital footprint that shows it. It's not hard to find.

[ka****]

I think on an app it’s hard, for both sexes, apps are made to “judge” by looks first and insides second. As a woman I want someone to know me, however that being said I like everyone else have an idea of what I think I like. Right or wrong everyone does this to some extent. As a woman I look for a comparable partner this is age, health, personality etc. looks will always fade personality and love hopefully don’t (idk yet 😂 just a theory). I think everyone is a little self conscious about not only looks but even who they are. As I sit here and dare to comment I’m worried I’ll get hate mail or something. We all do this, we all have our own thoughts and desires, wants and even needs. That being said if we were being honest we all just want a chance at something. And maybe if we were more vocal about what we want and what we need it would speak to the other person. I think when you want to make someone feel truly wanted you have to accept all of them. Every roll or flat stomach, every freckle or mole, and I think that this takes time for someone to believe because we are all our own worst critic. A true partner would know what I’m secure about and pay extra attention to that area or insecurity until I trusted that that flaw didn’t matter to him like it matters to me. Sometimes I think we are shallow with others because we exhibit that behavior on our self. Idk just some thoughts

[co****]

Thursday at 07:30 PM, BZBEE said:

As a BBW who for 22 years was told she was fat, ugly, disgusting, revolting… just to name a few!
It is important that you see yourself through the eyes of someone who appreciates your unique beauty (whatever the body type!!) and allow yourself to feel appreciated!!
Not being able to accept the compliment and admiration of someone is not a rejection… but the symptom of a trauma long lasting enough to have damaged someone.

I know therapy can help … but sometimes (and I say this cautiously..) allowing the person who sees your beauty to photograph you… and then see that image as how they look at you … can be transformational in a very good way!

The most powerful way to convey genuine desire to someone who feels insecure about their body is to make them feel that your attraction is not conditional on their learning to love themselves first. You see them, you want them, and you are not merely overlooking the parts of themselves they struggle to accept. You are attracted to the person they are, exactly as they are.

Instead of simply saying, “You have nothing to be insecure about,”
try: “I know you see things about yourself that you wish were different. But when I look at you, I see someone who genuinely attracts me. I notice the things you may try to hide, and they don't make me want you any less. I want you to know that my attraction to you is real, personal, and entirely my own.”

Here are some different ways to say things:

Reassurance says, “You're beautiful.”
Desire says, “Come closer. I want to kiss you.”
Reassurance says, “I don't mind your body.”
Desire says, “I love the way you feel in my arms.”

It’s all about how they (this body type person) makes you feel!!!

Tell them how you feel when you are around them… how they arouse you when the do certain things or wear certain clothes… how you cannot help yourself and your hands have to envelop this person …

Best of luck … be patient… be kind !
And I hope you both find joy ❤️💕

Absolutely fantastic perspective and very useful tips! Thank you for that! 💯🙏🏻😎

[ED****]

To truly love and care, means acceptance:

of blemishes, freckles, moles, scars, burns, wounds, amputations, anything almost excepting your preferences,

as with all discrimination, prejudice and judgement, of creed, colour, religion, beliefs, shape, size, etc, etc,

what makes us stronger, survivors and partners are all those “things” what we learn from *** and from good experiences too,

open your mind, let it happen if secure and safe, explore, experience and find joy and bliss, ecstacy does not come freely, risk is always about measurement,

whether to proceed or withdraw, your gur and intellect tells you which are the green flags to move on, and the red flags 🚩to withdraw from, preferably amicably like mature adults can, always with dignity and respect, if not then pass, then if needed block.

[Ra****]

I’ve never had “a type” per se but I’m also not blind and obviously aesthetics play a significant role in our attraction.

Cookie cutter or societally constructed beauty standards are often part of our greater cultural programming or are purely instinctual biological responses.

There’s something wonderful to be found in transcending our own programming- finding beauty in unique traits or acknowledging/addressing a partner’s insecurities from a place free of judgement and centered in honesty & altruism.

Not to say we need discard our concepts of beauty entirely, but we may find ourselves with far more worth admiring (or turning us on) if we simply question our standards. Plus we may bring about a partner’s healing through unconditional acceptance or chosen admiration of their
unique skin-deep characteristics.

[FE****]

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