CopperKnob Posted September 29, 2021 Posted September 29, 2021 Getting a reference from a Dom’s friend or current play partner is like asking Donald Trump what he thinks of Donald Trump. Get references from people your potential Dom/play partner isn’t on good terms with. When someone tells you how obedient you should be as a sub, ignore them. Kink is supposed to be fun. It’s not a cult, religion or a professional undertaking. People with “BDSM textbooks” know less than those without. Do you. Be you. Love you. Nobody speaks about consent quite as convincingly as a particular breed of predator. Never trust someone based on their words. Those who run events are often worthy of their roles, but mostly, they’re just people who have the resources to host. Their parties aren’t a sign that they’re safe. When someone ignores your small boundaries, listen to what they’re telling you. They will move on to “greater” things. Consent ***s can stack up in secret for many, many years. Just because someone writes a profile claiming to have been in the lifestyle for x years, doesn’t mean they respect their subs. Playing within the BDSM community is safer. Safer is not the same as safe. Subs can violate consent as well as Doms can, and one of the best ways to prevent that is to know yourself and be true to your own needs. Learning that someone you know from your vanilla life is also kinky is less scary than you think. It’ll probably make your friendship ten times better. Safe words are tools. They aren’t flaws that devalue your submission. Dom's can't learn topping skills from instagram memes or YouTube just as I can't learn to be a Surgeon by Googling. There is no aspect of BDSM which has to be dark or serious. Be who you want to be, even if that entails lightness and laughter and you have to wait longer to find your Dom.
ey**** Posted September 29, 2021 Posted September 29, 2021 Yep - all very very valid. there's bits where, for example, I'm an advocate for partaking in the kink community - but for example : munch leaders are pretty much self-appointed roles events, like you say, usually someone has the required resources but then might often rely on volunteers which aren't, always, thoroughly vetted....
Psuedom Posted September 29, 2021 Posted September 29, 2021 Dearest Knob (of the coppery variety), I've had a multiple proverbial kicks in the nuts over the last week or so, consequently it has shredded my desire for public writing, hence a previous lack of personalised response amongst the plethora of retorts you did actually receive. In any case I will say that your last instalment, although sadly less satirical than your other recent efforts, is very munch on point and to a the standard that many site members have come to expect of you (OK, maybe just me, but it sounded grander that way). So I offer you this; If you do not take the hint of your ice-cream always being served in a waffle cone, I will take the fuse out of the freezer plug, I will also agree to buy you the dress if you can behave like anything other than Miss Chief herself and I promise under any circumstance the only decoration on the Christmas tree this year will be you.... because you're such a F***ing angel. Much love, Psue.
Deleted Member Posted September 29, 2021 Posted September 29, 2021 Interesting reading. One point depends on who reads it, and how he practices BDSM. But I totally agree with you that you shouldn't go beyond your own limits.
Matttster Posted September 29, 2021 Posted September 29, 2021 I find your list to be a bit sad, I hope you learned good things as well. It is sad that people have to learn these things. There are too many people using kink as an excuse to be abusive. Also too many people that watch some bdsm porn, think it’s hot and think it is kink. I have had too many (1 is too many!) friends learn many of the same things the hard way. Some in a very hard way. I see so many people join this app saying they are new and seeking a Dom and I cringe at the responses these subs may get. Thank you for posting these lessons, hopefully some people new to kink will see them and it will save them from having to learn the lessons the hard way.
CopperKnob Posted September 30, 2021 Author Posted September 30, 2021 6 hours ago, Matttster said: I find your list to be a bit sad, I hope you learned good things as well. It is sad that people have to learn these things. There are too many people using kink as an excuse to be abusive. Also too many people that watch some bdsm porn, think it’s hot and think it is kink. I have had too many (1 is too many!) friends learn many of the same things the hard way. Some in a very hard way. I see so many people join this app saying they are new and seeking a Dom and I cringe at the responses these subs may get. Thank you for posting these lessons, hopefully some people new to kink will see them and it will save them from having to learn the lessons the hard way. It wasn't supposed to be sad, I know this is a dating site but theres a sense for me, that there is a lack of guidance here for newbies either side of the slash so I write what I'd have liked to have read when I first joined as well as the funnies, which are meant to give the message, 'you can do BDSM however you want' as long as it's consensual and because well, hopefully for most they're funny. Unless of course, 'you're' an 'old school,' text book reader and follower of boring rules
CopperKnob Posted September 30, 2021 Author Posted September 30, 2021 8 hours ago, Psuedom said: Dearest Knob (of the coppery variety), I've had a multiple proverbial kicks in the nuts over the last week or so, consequently it has shredded my desire for public writing, hence a previous lack of personalised response amongst the plethora of retorts you did actually receive. In any case I will say that your last instalment, although sadly less satirical than your other recent efforts, is very munch on point and to a the standard that many site members have come to expect of you (OK, maybe just me, but it sounded grander that way). So I offer you this; If you do not take the hint of your ice-cream always being served in a waffle cone, I will take the fuse out of the freezer plug, I will also agree to buy you the dress if you can behave like anything other than Miss Chief herself and I promise under any circumstance the only decoration on the Christmas tree this year will be you.... because you're such a F***ing angel. Much love, Psue. Dear Psue, I guess that fuse is being removed, who needs waffle to detract from the pleasure of icecream? Not to worry, the icecream will just have to be eaten. That's fine, patience isn't a virtue I have Agreeing to buy me that dress is simply manipulation no? I mean, to get it I can't indulge in impish behaviours? Thats nit fair and just blatant meaness on your part!! And yeah, correct, I am an angel, so straight to the top of that tree for me, no hooks required, perfect! You're welcome, Knob, of the Coppery variety
Matttster Posted September 30, 2021 Posted September 30, 2021 I’m sorry my comment came off so negative, I liked your post and actually told someone ( a newbie) about it. I guess my point was more that you felt the need to provide the guidance for the newbies. It’s sad that there are enough people out there that there are so many warnings. I have had submissive friends, both newbie and experienced end up in bad situations.
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