Profiles, and reading

[Kriss123]

1 minute ago, Brittone2 said:

It was a opportunity to say hello ..I thought I'd sa y something ,Have to get back nice.stay safe everyone .

Say something nice,that was meant to say

[Ab****]

This is awesome 😂

On the same subject, different forum, I had some dummy randomly message me “hi daddy”. Not a single profile or picture of mine depicts me as a daddy or even a switch.

That’s the kind of stupidity that just gets you an instant block lol

[Ab****]

I guess even if I was a daddy type. Who the heck just messages a random stranger like that. To me, that using possessive terms calling someone mommy or daddy. if you don’t know them and they aren’t your mommy/daddy I don’t think it’s polite to address them as such to begin with 🤷‍♂️

[Sir-Taz]

All the lady's,  subs , and mistresses on her are first and foremost people , so until invited to use these titles why not just treat them as such .it doesn't take much to be polite first ....... I'm mean damn dudes . 

[qu****]

With the being called daddy side of things it appears to be becoming normal for the younger generation to use that term, I've had it elsewhere not just here

[SexxyMoeFoe]

I won't even talk to someone without a profile and I won't repeat things that are in mine... I'll send them back to my profile for answers... While the questions might be annoying, it's a great indicator to me, of genuine interest and fuckboys.  Fuckboys don't bother to read anything. They don't care. They are playing the numbers game trying to score with anyone who replies. I don't only mean sex... it could be a sub offering service or a dom looking for a sub. Could mean a copy and paste message. It's a great way to filter for genuine interest because those people who do take the time to read it will at least try to engage me on a more personal level.

Idk if this is because when I was chatting with OP,  @FreeUrMind a few days ago saying that the very limited info in the profile doesn't prompt a lot of interest/questions from me. There was like 1 line about being a hedonist... Everything else I am seeing in the profile now is new - in the last week or 2. 

Of course some people don't care what you say you want or are looking for, but are those the people you want to engage with?  Maybe it is? For me it's not. Would rather they just skip me if I am being honest. Maybe I am one of the few who cares.  I guess it depends what you are looking for and open to... 

[Deleted Member]

If I get a PM from someone that looks vaguely interesting (not "Hey" I got to the profile and read it. It doesn't matter how hot your pics are or whether you have all the right roles, if you don't have a well filled out profile I won't reply. I'm only interested in a mental connection and intelligence. Show me that, not a pick of your dick 🙄

[Jimmmy]

1 hour ago, Lady_Char said:

If I get a PM from someone that looks vaguely interesting (not "Hey" I got to the profile and read it. It doesn't matter how hot your pics are or whether you have all the right roles, if you don't have a well filled out profile I won't reply. I'm only interested in a mental connection and intelligence. Show me that, not a pick of your dick 🙄

Amen to this @Lady_Char. I am forever frustrated at the number of profiles that don’t have any information about the person in them. Over the years, I’ve sent messages to lots of people along the lines of this:

“Hello [name]. There’s not much about you in your profile, so I don’t really have anything to go on for starters, but I’m a polite kind of guy and I thought I’d drop you a message to say ‘hello’. Have a read of my profile and if you think we might share anything in common, feel free to reply. Hope to hear from you soon.”

It’s actually surprising how many people I have then managed to get into long conversations with and have subsequently developed relationships with. These people are maybe a bit like those who stand around the edge of the dancefloor in a nightclub. They’ll never take the initiative to get up and dance, but are waiting for someone to go and get them and drag them onto the dancefloor. Sometimes, these people then relax, let go and dance wildly, like nobody is watching them! These are the people who don’t want to publicly broadcast things about themselves on a profile, but will give you much more information when you engage with them in conversation. Some people actually feel very awkward about committing to writing their fantasies, their desires, what they want, what they want to do and so on, but once in a conversation, they feel more able to do this. Is it a form of shyness? Maybe.

My profile is fairly detailed. I prefer it that way because I don’t get many messages from people, but when I do they’re obviously interested in what I am interested in. My being explicit about my likes and wants and needs ensures that I only get messages from people who are on the same wavelength as me. Well, that’s not strictly true. I do sometimes get messages from people thousands of miles away who clearly haven’t read my profile and are some form of ‘bot or else they’re just having a laugh!

The messages I get from real, genuine people tend to be worth following up on. I consider that putting a decent profile on this site is essential if you are serious about meeting up with someone of a like mind, but if all you want to do is chat in the chat rooms or on the forums, then it’s not so necessary. Personally, I’m a doer, not a talker. I want to be meeting real people and having physical interactions with people, not just talking, arguing, bickering or getting into pointless and unnecessary confrontations on this forum, which benefit nobody and just waste time that could be spent getting to know a potential playmate.

On the point of “hot pics”, who knows that these aren’t just scooped up off somewhere else on the Internet? That’s why I agree that having a decent profile helps to verify that the profile is from a real person, someone who actually exists, someone who is genuine about making connections, and isn’t just going to want some form of wank fodder from you.

It’s also my observation that those with extremely poor grammar and spelling tend to be the ones that get involved in petty squabbles, name-calling and pointless arguments on the forums. Members who are articulate and able to express themselves without having to resort to swearing and obscenities tend to be the ones that provide the most engaging interactions. My experience is that physical encounters with such people also tend to be the most rewarding. Those with a tendency to engage in childish squabbles on the forums don’t tend to have mature approaches to physical encounters either. I’ve previously made the mistake of meeting up with such people a couple of times and I won’t do it again.

So does that make me judgemental? Does that make me snobby? Does it mean that I’m being discriminatory? Well maybe I am a bit of all of those, but only in the interests of my own safety, standards and ultimately, my own pleasure. So I’m obviously selfish then? Well yes, I am selfish in the way that I go about choosing a playmate, but once that playmate has been chosen, I’m definitely not selfish. But it’s necessary selfishness that acts as a filter, because without that mental and / or emotional connection, without that spark of interest, it isn’t going to develop into any kind of physical interaction at all. 
So please, people, put a decent profile of yourself up, and actually READ the profiles of those that you send a message to! 😀

[SexxyMoeFoe]

What's equally frustrating is when someone with no profiles says "Hi, I find you interesting, read my profile and let me know if there is interest".

Interest in what? The city you live in? Or maybe they think pics are enough? 

As pointed out - I don't know if those pics are actually the person I am chatting with... If they aren't fakes, I always assume they are not 100% accurate (older, when they were slimmer etc), so while pics are good, they are not enough to interest me. If you have nothing I can relate to, no commonalities, shared kinks, then no I am not interested

[De****]

There are probably a lot of people here (like me) who are not fully comfortable divulging information no matter how minute it is due to personal lives. "Then why are you here" you ask? I am personally here to look around, maybe connect with some on a friendship level and to learn. I have been into kink for years but I am married to a vanilla man (30 years) and its on the rocks because I am struggling with hiding my kink. Im ready to let go and be who I am but there is so much to lose. My profile is scarce because I am in limbo.

[Deleted Member]

21 hours ago, Depraven0209 said:

There are probably a lot of people here (like me) who are not fully comfortable divulging information no matter how minute it is due to personal lives. "Then why are you here" you ask? I am personally here to look around, maybe connect with some on a friendship level and to learn. I have been into kink for years but I am married to a vanilla man (30 years) and its on the rocks because I am struggling with hiding my kink. Im ready to let go and be who I am but there is so much to lose. My profile is scarce because I am in limbo.

I totally get you x

[BadDesires]

A good social profile can take time to get right to attract the right attention. I can respect people also need to protect there identity so will also be cautious with what they share as they aim for the right balance. Does everyone use there real date of birth on profiles as it's one of the most valuable bits of information a hacker can obtain so I tend to use rough dates out of habit. I also wouldn't validate a persons honesty by it if it is different in a more private discussion where a level of trust has been established. As for people not reading profiles its probably a mix of laziness and some people not wanting to show up in a persons viewer history.

[Ae****]

Maybe be more relaxed about the whole thing. Some people read the profile, many don't.
Expecting them all to read it, or for yourself to not get questions from people that you've already answered in the profile, over and over, is not a thing to have on your mind. Comes with the territory of being a Huish and living in a society.
Besides, if it bugs you that much, be grateful for this. If you care that much, whoever doesn't read your profile let's you know straight away that they aren't what you're looking for. You save time. You win either way.

[Wi****]

I've made it very simple for myself. If I visit a person's profile and it is empty, I pass them by.
In determining if someone is compatible there has to be some reference point. The reference point is the profile.

If a person isn't willing to fill out a profile it tells me that they have a lack of interest in real connections.

Taking the BDSM personality test let's people know if your interests are comfortable with thrirs or not.

Ok, say some people want to protect their identity. I Ok with that.
So, use screen name and put pictures with face in a private section. That's easy enough. Even use a nearby zip code.

Okay ,now you are anonymous. So fill out the profile.

Now there's just a few reasons left not to fill out the profile.
1. Just lazy.
2. You are a romance scammer.
3. You really aren't interested in connecting with real people to start with.

So there are other reasons, but they all have the same result. They provide no incentive for people to contact you if they are seriously seeking. And, it wastes my time having to see a blank profile pop up.
It's hard enough to connect with people who are compatible without having to sort through prostitutes , romance scammers and just purely lazy people .

[ey****]

this is just it - I never understand why folk would message a blank or low-effort profile

even in the best of circumstances - for example, say, the person is finding their feet and isn't sure what to write - or - say, is going to come back later, let em come back later when ready  

there are folk I know deliberately blank because they don't want contacting *right now* and, guess what, still get contacted :/ 

[Wi****]

The people both men and women with blank profiles are fake for the most part. I know some that have put things on hold too.
The ones that drop the one word message on photos and chase a one picture profile are pretty much guys and they aren't here for BDSM. They think BDSM is a good place to find a fast fuck.
If they bothered to read real profiles they would know how wrong they are.

Both of those kind of people are what clutters the whole matching process.

[ge****]

10 hours ago, Windwolf said:

I've made it very simple for myself. If I visit a person's profile and it is empty, I pass them by.
In determining if someone is compatible there has to be some reference point. The reference point is the profile.

If a person isn't willing to fill out a profile it tells me that they have a lack of interest in real connections.

Taking the BDSM personality test let's people know if your interests are comfortable with thrirs or not.

Ok, say some people want to protect their identity. I Ok with that.
So, use screen name and put pictures with face in a private section. That's easy enough. Even use a nearby zip code.

Okay ,now you are anonymous. So fill out the profile.

Now there's just a few reasons left not to fill out the profile.
1. Just lazy.
2. You are a romance scammer.
3. You really aren't interested in connecting with real people to start with.

So there are other reasons, but they all have the same result. They provide no incentive for people to contact you if they are seriously seeking. And, it wastes my time having to see a blank profile pop up.
It's hard enough to connect with people who are compatible without having to sort through prostitutes , romance scammers and just purely lazy people .

Agree with pretty much all you've said and as eyem says if a profile is blank why message it blindly?
.
One thing I would say though is that the BDSM Personality test is not a good indicator of compatability really - for a number of reasons:
.
- It's very high level and generic so doesn't really get into the nitty gritty of someone's interests.
.
- Personally I don't think it's all that accurate a reflection and based on a couple of questions who a person is can be pretty skewed as a result.
.
- Anyone can take it and get a result without having *any* knowledge of BDSM/kink

[ey****]

2 hours ago, gemini_man said:

One thing I would say though is that the BDSM Personality test is not a good indicator of compatability really - for a number of reasons:
.
- It's very high level and generic so doesn't really get into the nitty gritty of someone's interests.
.
- Personally I don't think it's all that accurate a reflection and based on a couple of questions who a person is can be pretty skewed as a result.

I really dislike almost all the BDSM tests.  But, I say this as an old fart.  I think if someone is new and everything seems strange and alien - it can be a little, ok, so... "do you like the sound of..." and also maybe a review after a while on how things changed

I guess a slight exception is there is a BDSM test for couples where both take it independently and it looks for common answers and flags up suggestions to try first based on mutual interest.  

I rank people whose ONLY profile info is a BDSM test as if it was a blank profile.  (between either lazy, finding their feet, etc) 

[ge****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I really dislike almost all the BDSM tests.  But, I say this as an old fart.  I think if someone is new and everything seems strange and alien - it can be a little, ok, so... "do you like the sound of..." and also maybe a review after a while on how things changed

I guess a slight exception is there is a BDSM test for couples where both take it independently and it looks for common answers and flags up suggestions to try first based on mutual interest.  

I rank people whose ONLY profile info is a BDSM test as if it was a blank profile.  (between either lazy, finding their feet, etc) 

Oh don't get me wrong - they have their uses to help an individual get their head round things.....but as a tool to gauge compatability when they're of the "You're x% submissive" type? Not at all.

[Deleted Member]

One thing I have noticed is that copying the announcement of my STI and putting it at the top of my profile as well has severely cut down on the number of random spanks and contacts I get.

My new play partner put a similar announcement on his own profile but has only seen a slight drop in such contacts, which makes him think that he's being targeted by scammers.  

 

I think that while not that many people completely read profiles, I think that more people skim them than we realize. 

On 10/20/2021 at 12:40 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

In this case - a lot are just people following a script 

Often they will ask where you are from, even if it's on your profile as they will then follow up with a city/town near you they're shortly going to be moving to.... 

Agreed. If someone is convinced that this is how one starts a conversation, they're not sure of what to do once they've read a profile and gotten the answers to their questions. While this is understandable, it's also not much of an excuse as I have held conversations with people who have read my profile, have been able to start a conversation by making an introduction, referencing what I said in my profile, and then continuing on to respond to what I posted there that interests them.

I fully admit to being biased against people who don't have good conversational skills yet who insist upon reaching out in a written forum. I guess it's a way for them to practice, but then so are these forums.

Edited March 29 by Deleted Member

[Wi****]

I don't take the test to be gospel either but, it gives a reference point and that's about it.
A person just coming in probably don't even know what most of the things listed on the test even mean, but everyone has to start somewhere and if they are really interested, doing a little research is a good way to find out what the common meanings are.
The only real Indicator of compatibility is when I sit down with someone over a cup of coffee and look into their eyes.
I don't do online play so I probably have to vet a lot more people than I would otherwise.
I agree that if the test is the only thing they have on their profile, it's a blank profile for me too.
But if there's a profile with the picture of a beautiful model and a completed BDSM personality test, I'm sure as hell not going to use that to make me want to post my cell on her picture saying call me.
Lol when I see that I can't help but think ," Even if she's real, why the hell would she?".

Maybe I just can't get past the good Ole days when scammers on BDSM sites were unheard of and if a new sub popped up other experienced subs would immediately greet them and get to know them. They would basically be led by the hand and taught fundamentals.
Today it seems like the fast food world got faster and everything is touched by it.
I guess my hope for this thread is that maybe some of the new people will find it and reach to some of us and ask questions and seek answers.
I pretty much agree with everything ya'll have said so far. I think there could be revisions to the test.
For new people even changing how questions are asked. For example asking someone new or anyone for that matter if they are D/s is not very good for determining which applies as making the questions either or as Dom or sub.
But like I said, it's hard for me to give up old school ways.

[Wi****]

7 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I really dislike almost all the BDSM tests.  But, I say this as an old fart.  I think if someone is new and everything seems strange and alien - it can be a little, ok, so... "do you like the sound of..." and also maybe a review after a while on how things changed

I guess a slight exception is there is a BDSM test for couples where both take it independently and it looks for common answers and flags up suggestions to try first based on mutual interest.  

I rank people whose ONLY profile info is a BDSM test as if it was a blank profile.  (between either lazy, finding their feet, etc) 

Lol afraid you have a way to go to qualify as an old fart. Lol I know I'm an old fart.

[Ke****]

The more complete your profile with verification of photos, the more looks you will get.

[ra****]

I have my profile all the way done and fill like helps me get a range of what I like also help me be a better pornstar

[Ba****]

This is true. I had to revise my list of limits because nobody read them or they didn’t take them seriously or they thought I was just kidding. I feel the reasoning behind all the questions is mental fodder for their own masturbatory spank bank . I am here for physical hookups only. I make that crystal clear. I am brutally honest .
Some KINKSTERS have no integrity or pride. I mean, who sets fake dates to get others to share??? And then blocks them 👻 . At least sir this is not your complaint but mine and I’m sure many other KINKSTERS