Dealing with the “lows” between sessions.

[Deleted Member]

I have found lately that between sessions my mental health suffers and I feel like I’m slipping into a “dark hole” where I don’t feel connected to others around me and I get an urge to inflict injuries on myself.

I went through a stage when younger with major depression where I self harmed to deal with the emotional *** I was feeling which is how I came into the kink community but this feels different as as soon as I play I feel better but don’t get the same “high” from cutting that I got when depressed and my psychiatric worker does not understand my point of view.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar and how do you cope between sessions. I’m currently not in a dynamic and so my sessions are often months apart.

[Deleted Member]

All I can say is stay strong and remember that it will get better!!

[Irishblue]

If you were a Dom I think it sounds like Dom drop. As a submissive I watch to see how my Dom is doing also. He sometimes feels bad after a scene. I reassure him that I am ok and he didn't go to far. So your not alone.

[Deleted Member]

The problem with self harm, play sessions, substance *** etc is that they are a form of escapism from what is causing the depression. We meednto escape every now and then for a break but please talk to someone about therapy to find the root cause. One form of escapism will always replace another but until the root cause of your depression is dealt with there will always be major lows. Especially as you say this have been happening since child hood. You're not alone in the feeling, there is a way to not have the lows it would just take talking about something uncomfortable and emotional, sitting with that bad feeling until its acknowledged or dealt with then move on from it. So you can enjoy sessions or life in general without the cloud hanging over you.

[Deleted Member]

It sounds like a drop, and both Dom's and subs can suffer from that. It is caused by the sudden loss "the drop" of, for example, adrenaline that is built up during a session. A lot of research has already been done on this, and written about it, which can also be read on the internet. It is not uncommon for either the Dom or the sub to fall into a depression after a session. The intensity of the drop can be reduced by after-care after a session

[TheBookCollector]

It sounds like dom drop, everyone finds a way to deal with it. Aftercare is the big one that helps as i het some reassurance from my partner.

I also personally like to go swimming or for a long walk in the days following an intense session, I also found gaming works especially playing less rigerous games like *** crossing, pokemon, or something that engages my brain like sudoku.

Its important you find what works for you and replaces the negative feelings you currently experience with more positive ones.

[Ju****]

I don't have any advice besides what's already been said. Things do and will get better. Big hugs to you. I hope your journey gets better xx

[Deleted Member]

Do your partner/s check in with you following your sessions? 

Self care in between sessions too. So the usual - eat right; try and sleep as well as you can, which is easier said than done with depression. Get out for a walk in the fresh air. Do some hard exercise if you're able. Connect with friends. Don't shut yourself away. Hot showers/baths (whichever is your prefernce). Pamper yourself! Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you can't.

Drop is a bitch and depression an absolute cunt but there are steps you can take to make the journey more bearable. Reaching out here is one of them so kudos to you for doing it.

I hope you don't resort to self harm again. There are numbers you can call to talk to someone if it gets that bad again. 

Wishing you peace..

[Deleted Member]

Not had a partner in over three years now as I was not mentally in a place where I felt safe to top anyone then just not found anyone that was interested.

[Deleted Member]

Yes. For me, it also extends to normal every-day life. If my kids visit, for instance, and we have a great time, the next three days I'm fucking useless and depressed. It sounds like a true depression issue, which is also what mine is. That means it is completely normal, and hopefully managable through medication or meditation, or whatever keeps you balanced.

(As for periods of time between sex..shit, my wife and I haven't had sex in about 3 years; I'm not even sure I remember how to DO it, much less how it feels between times.)