Deleted Member Posted December 10, 2021 I know there are many points in our lives that we look back, at least I do, and wonder what if it had gone differently, how would things be different now. I have thought about this many times and wonder what if my previous relationship had not been ended like it was. What would my life be like now and what would I be like now. I know for a fact that I would definitely NOT be the same person that I am today and, in fact, would be a completely different person. The man I was with had a journal of plans that he had in store for me after I turned 18, which was only a few months after our relationship had been ended. He wanted to make me almost completely femme, putting me on major hormone therapy, giving me a boob job, legally changing my name, and there was mention of surgically having my testicles removed. I can only imagine how he was going to be able to pay for it all but from my understanding he had already made quite a lot from me already and was planning on expanding that into much more lucrative areas. I know that I would probably have been turned into some kind of a porn star of sorts or even “rented” out to different customers since he had already started building a client base. I also know that if things had gone this way that I wouldn’t have the life I do now, the relationship I have and the kids that we share so my mind goes back and forth on whether or not I would really have wanted that life or not.
Ju**** Posted December 10, 2021 From reading this post, I don't think you would have wanted that life at all. I don't think I personally would have. For someone to have control fully to an extended level over your body so much so, that he can alter it massively and potentially "rent" you out? That bit scared me... Was this ran past you an agreed upon? I don't think anyone would want someone to have THAT much control (I may be wrong, who knows), but that to me is an extreme level of owning. The clientele bit.. how do you feel knowing that was being worked upon? Were you aware at the time? Now in life, can you do as you want, with who you want and live your life with the body you have, however you want? I often think about how things were/would be. I'd still be depressed sat on the sofa piling pounds on, with no intimacy, no friends, no mind of my own... a broken shell. If I would even still be here that is.. But I got away from it, for a reason. I was meant to... I found here (this site) researching for a book I was working on for bdsm (small part) and curiosity caught me.. I stuck around and within a month or two I found a guy I swore I would never find or even allow near me. They just clicked with me... and became my best friend as well as lover, kink partner and whatever else... Taught me not everyone is bad and to start loving Me again. The friends I have made on here, from all over the world, every walk of life every sexuality, ethnicity, background, you name it... They are on here, and just so wonderful! I value the people I have met on here, especially the ones who I hold close. My life is my own, my head is my own, my body is my own. My partner helped teach me to be Me above all else, because I am enough as I am. This was something I would have never experienced with my past relationships. I would still be down and controlled. But that's no more. We move on and expand ourselves and experiences on the paths we are meant to, when we are meant to. If you feel happy with life now, relieved, calm, happy then you continue as you are. If curiosity has you then dip your toes in the past life and see what it holds, but be careful it doesn't suck you in and you end up stuck. Always keep your strong head on, stick to your limits and values and do what makes YOU happy, not anyone else <3 (sorry if that got a bit off topic but hope something from it made sense).
LazyPirate Posted December 11, 2021 To quote Frank Sinatra: ‘Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention.’ I’ve had lots of experiences, both good and bad, with relationships and all of which have lead to decisions that ultimately helped shape what I am looking for. Had I stuck out on my original path (born out of a *** of loneliness) I would have either been married and divorced within 6 months or stuck in an unhappy monogamous marriage with limited knowledge of what kinks existed out there. Had I not made a few errors that cost relationships through miscommunication then I may have had a better time of things, but I view these as learning opportunities.
ey**** Posted December 11, 2021 So yep. There are plenty of what if moments in life. But everything you ever did, right or wrong, good or bad, takes you to where you are right now. And if it's stuff you look back on and be like "I fucked that up..." it's growth and something you can learn from going forwards.
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