Wa**** Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 I recently fucked things you with someone who wasn’t necessarily my Dom but he meant the world to me and ever since then I’ve lost every desire I had. I feel like something broke inside me and I have no clue how to fix it. I don’t even feel like I know who I am anymore. I’ve lost people in the past but I’ve never felt like this before.
Gh**** Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 sorry to hear this. when that someone was there that person brought sense of security where you're whole. it will be hard journey but remember is only you can fix it..
Ae**** Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 Most efficient method to "fix" this - long term, with fastest results - therapy. Short of that, research self help, finding your emotional independence, learning how to meet your own needs, in order to never be codependent again. Do the recommended stuff. Cry. Grieve. Exercise. Eat well. Sleep well. Solo travel. Etc. Be patient with yourself. Time, some knowledge and certain activities will bring you back from this lost place. It's hard but keep going x
Deleted Member Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 Grieving is a part of life. It is about "what" you learn from it.
ge**** Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 The phrase "time is a great healer" is very relevant here, losing someone you care about can, and often will, lead to a period of grief, and grief can affect you in all kinds of ways. . Give yourself the time and space to get past this. It's easy to say but try not to dwell on it too much either, overthinking is one of the brain's worst enemies in terms of blowing situations up into being far worse. . Ultimately be kind to yourself, again it's easy to beat yourself up over things, even when the truth may be different in terms of who was to blame.
ol**** Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 That empty pointless feeling is not that odd. It'll pass in time. Are you sure there is no road back. Realise that is a tricky path, if you do take it respect the boundaries you had set for yourself above everything.
Deleted Member Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 Aftercare isnt just for after a session, the strategies, care and comfort that is so important after play should be utilised when your body, heart and soul are hurting, you are in a drop right now so this is a time for you to care for yourself, keep yourself going, be open dont shut off from people or activities, if you need help ask for it. X
Li**** Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 Your not alone. I also don't seem to recognise myself anymore following a messy break up with my now ex daddy.
Llandm Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 You're confusing emotion with sexual desire. The two don't go exclusively together. Although sex is often the glue that holds a relationship together in this instance it's two separate parts. You have to choose one or the other at this point. If this relationship was important to you you need to fix it in some way without the sexual element. It's common to have two different sides to a partnership which over time can come together through knowledge, understanding and negotiation. Love has many forms and elements. You need to decide who and what you want.
ge**** Posted January 28, 2022 Posted January 28, 2022 39 minutes ago, Llandm said: You're confusing emotion with sexual desire. The two don't go exclusively together. Although sex is often the glue that holds a relationship together in this instance it's two separate parts. You have to choose one or the other at this point. If this relationship was important to you you need to fix it in some way without the sexual element. It's common to have two different sides to a partnership which over time can come together through knowledge, understanding and negotiation. Love has many forms and elements. You need to decide who and what you want. I respectfully disagree and see it a different way - the loss of a relationship can have a massive impact on sexual desire and libido, and I think it was that the OP was referring to - so in this instance the loss of the relationship and the loss of that desire do very much go hand in hand.
Deleted Member Posted January 29, 2022 Posted January 29, 2022 8 hours ago, Llandm said: You're confusing emotion with sexual desire. The two don't go exclusively together. Although sex is often the glue that holds a relationship together in this instance it's two separate parts. You have to choose one or the other at this point. If this relationship was important to you you need to fix it in some way without the sexual element. It's common to have two different sides to a partnership which over time can come together through knowledge, understanding and negotiation. Love has many forms and elements. You need to decide who and what you want. Now I’m wondering if I read it right, I didn’t see anything sexual in it then again I might need glasses 🤷🏽♀️. For some people it can go hand and hand like @gemini_man I’m glad that didn’t happened to me after I broke up w an ***r type but I did a lot of aftercare that never gotten but aftercare it’s a must and with do time it would get better for you and you will start enjoying those things you like before
Wa**** Posted January 29, 2022 Author Posted January 29, 2022 19 hours ago, Llandm said: You're confusing emotion with sexual desire. The two don't go exclusively together. Although sex is often the glue that holds a relationship together in this instance it's two separate parts. You have to choose one or the other at this point. If this relationship was important to you you need to fix it in some way without the sexual element. It's common to have two different sides to a partnership which over time can come together through knowledge, understanding and negotiation. Love has many forms and elements. You need to decide who and what you want. I think you need to read my post again because at no time did I mention sex or anything sexual. The desires I’ve lost are the desires to go out, meet anyone new, take a selfie, fix myself up for no reason at all, cook, bake and anything in between. We never had sex, he owned me without it…
Deleted Member Posted January 29, 2022 Posted January 29, 2022 24 minutes ago, WalkingContradiction said: I think you need to read my post again because at no time did I mention sex or anything sexual. The desires I’ve lost are the desires to go out, meet anyone new, take a selfie, fix myself up for no reason at all, cook, bake and anything in between. We never had sex, he owned me without it… What a sucky feeling... I feel you.❤
Wa**** Posted January 29, 2022 Author Posted January 29, 2022 7 minutes ago, pantyman6969 said: Maybe you should move to Canada lol I’ve suggested running away several times unfortunately I’m directionally challenged so you’ll have to come fetch me!!!
Deleted Member Posted January 30, 2022 Posted January 30, 2022 Advice here is solid. Just like the loss of a vanilla relationship, self care methods will help. The only other thing is time. Going through it. Which hurts. And our immediate desire is usually to run away from the *** or stuff it down deep somewhere so we can't feel it. But you will need to go through it to heal. The desires for every day things and kink itself will come back. Cut yourself some slack. Take care of you. Surround yourself with those you love, even when - especially when - you want to wallow in your aloneness. Wishing you peace <3
Th**** Posted February 8, 2022 Posted February 8, 2022 having just put my life on hold for someone for the last 5 months, they have now informed me they are leaving the lifestyle. so where I haven't fucked things up, I guess people just change their minds. life can sometimes be hard, and unpredictable, and there seem to be few that can take on the real side of a BDSM relationship.
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