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February 2022: A Promise To Myself, Back To Life & Back To Kink!!


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Earlier this year i made a decision to start getting back in to "life" again. Although i'm still dragging my feet in some aspects, i did make some strides in others!

i'd LIKE to think that all the COVID stuff will continue to become more manageable but wow. All these waves after waves of variants has really taught me that i need to seize those moments between variants/spikes in cases. i used to take it for granted, that the "Kink Scene" would always be there when i was ready. But now i better realize that nothing should be taken for granted and things can change in an instant---sometimes quite drastically.

So it was with this in mind that i found myself checking out the upcoming event listings online. And i couldn't believe my luck when i found a rather innocuous looking listing for 'BDSM Play Party'...in the neighboring city of Ontario, of all places! And, the venue was listed as "Lugosi's Lounge"---how can anything named after Bela Lugosi be bad...!!!

It was a private house party---a new experience for me. i was a little nervous but after chatting with the hostess a bit via email i felt very confident about attending. And besides, with it being so close to my house, and with the focus on BDSM (as opposed to a "Swing & Kink" party), i figured, what's the worst that could happen. If i walk in and it is just completely not my style, i could always leave without the feeling of having invested a lot with traveling, ticket price, etc.

Even though it was a small group (attendance was capped around 20 people), and most of the people already knew each other...i felt very welcomed and was able to talk with most of the people there. The hostesses were super awesome and everyone i got a chance to chat with was really polite, friendly and forthcoming.

But once things got started, i quickly remembered all the good---and bad---things about attending play parties: doing "show and tells" with toy bags (super cool to see what people bring and getting some clues of what they are into/their aesthetic)... newbie or not-so-newbie men that kind of "attach" themselves to me (a polite conversation does not mean i want you lurking over my shoulder all night)... people socializing in the play spaces (honestly, hard not to do when it's a small space)... seeing all kinds of different play scenes (some of which i like, some of which isn't my style)... meeting lots of new people and sometimes running in to familiar faces (usually one hundred per cent totally awesome)... being around all kinds of different people expressing their Kinky Selves without *** of "scaring the vanillas" (also totally awesome).

Throw in the drama of "the one that got away" (we were so close to getting to "negotiation" til a newbie came over and asked him right out of the blue for a full on rope lesson) and the "tension" i feel when i leave a party without getting to play...it was quite a night!

Other than dealing with feeling all tense for a few days afterwards it was a wonderful re-introduction to attending play parties. And i knew that not playing that night was just part of "paying my dues"---admittedly i'm not the most bold when it comes to directly asking a Dom or Top about playing...and i do know that just being consistent, attending several parties and munches...showing my face and taking a bit of time to get to know people will serve me well in the future, anyway.





The overall sucess of the House Party lead me to again comb through the online event listings. i found a few interesting looking parties for the following weekend and settled on another one i hadn't been to before---SAKE's Lunar New Year Party. i'd heard overall positive things about their parties and was excited to finally attend one and explore a different Dungeon space.

"Paying my dues" is all well and good but i did know that i might burst if i went to this party without getting to play (a girl can stand only so much "tension" after all). So i put on my "big girl pants" and decided to be proactive. i messaged the Dom (nickname "SA") i'd met at the house party (the "one that got away") and was so pleased to find out that yes, he would be in attendance, and yes, he was enthusiastic to negotiate a scene with me!!

Even though i usually project a lot of confidence, asking for play, negotiating scenes...it's still really hard for me. i know in some aspects, "girls have it easy(er)"...but rejection or the possibility of rejection is hard for everyone. Even in this lifestyle (or, especially in this lifestyle...), it's hard to be ***!!

SA told me he'd be there early so i planned to arrive not to long after him. It was so nice to walk in to the mostly-empty space (a few other early-birds hanging around and chatting, some looking around nervously) and see him sitting close to the entrance waiting for me. After a warm greeting he gave me a tour---which was very short! i had been told that the space was kind of small, but i'd never been to a Dungeon which only had one play room. But what it lacked in space it made up for in eccentricity (i won't give away all the details for those who haven't attended yet) and a welcoming vibe.

After the brief tour and a visit to the ladies' room i told SA i was ready to go!! But he was waiting for the music to change...somehow, light disco/house made him think more of going roller skating, than flogging (go figure!). But as more people began trickling in, we settled on a play station and i put my claim on it (sat on it!!) while he laid out all his implements.

The scene was great---i did struggle a bit with my position (i was on all fours on a padded leather medical exam table---am more used to being able to really lean into a stable spanking bench, table or cross) and dang, was it ever cold in the semi-open warehouse space. But at least my bottom quickly warmed up due to the spanks, strikes and caresses from SA.

He used a wide variety of instruments while checking in on me every so often. i think his "medium" is my "ouch that really hurts", but i know there are a lot of factors involved. Just the fact that it was my first intense/long scene in almost two years is a lot to process!!! Then add in the fact it was our first scene together, in a new space (for me), and the less-than-perfect furniture and cold temperature putting a little added stress on my mind and body.

But overall i greatly enjoyed the scene and am so very grateful to SA for negotiating with me, working with me, showing a lot of care, communication and deference to both my limits and my desires. It was really special and all worked out like it was supposed to.

Funny how when we try to do things in "a right way", with integrity and treating people as people, that usually happens.





After the scene i emerged from my little "cocoon" to a play party getting in to full swing. The place was now very full with several people playing and lots more socializing. SA was cleaning his toys and i gotta admit, one of my favorite parts of the whole scene was when he put his arms around me and helped me down off the high table. After a few hugs and finishing up cleaning the station, we parted ways, both glowing (at least i was, and not just my rear end!).

i've never done two scenes in one night and didn't want to push myself, so was very content to relax, socialize and observe the rest of the night. i gotta admit, it really made me happy to see SA doing his thing and playing with others. It's rare that i get to see the look on a partner's face as he is practicing his craft. So i just loved seeing his big smile as he flogged and whacked another willing victim, co-topping and giving some advice/tutorials to a newbie.

At some point i ran into a friend from my local munch group, and got to meet a few of her friends. i also got to talk with some interesting characters. Even though we are all in the same space, due to our common bond over BDSM and Kink, we all come with our own histories, in different parts of our journeys, and with different interests, play styles, and goals.

i did see the downsides to the space which some people had mentioned to me.

Since there wasn't really a designated, separated social area, the play room was super crowded and very loud with people talking (there was also a live DJ and sound system). Although there was an outside patio, it was super cold!! So i can't really fault people for staying indoors. i wonder if in the summer months people use the outdoor patio for social area---this would definitely help give the play space more, well, space, and a bit quieter/intimate atmosphere for those in mid-scene (or even those that wish to quietly observe).

i'm definitely more used to Dungeons with a more "traditional" layout of multiple play rooms and designated social areas, and more strict guidelines about no loud talking/socializing in the play spaces. But in the spirit of supporting our local Dungeons, exploring new groups and spaces, and generally "getting back into life", i am super glad that i went to both parties and would definitely support and attend both groups in the future.





Thank you to all the cool-ass Kinksters, Hosts & Hostesses, staff & volunteers, old and new friends for being so warm and inviting. i didn't feel a need to mention anyone by name but if you're reading this, you know who you are. And truly, i do hope to see you all again sooner than later.

And a very special thank you to SA for being such a good and thoughtful player in this lifestyle. i really respect your skill and commitment to your craft. It shows through in a myriad of ways. Thank you so much for working with me and breaking me in to playing after such a long COVID induced hiatus.

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