Looking for a bit of education :)

[LittleMeowMeow]

Hey all! First post! 

I’m trying to find someone non judgemental to talk to about a couple of my bfs kinks.

Bit of history: we’ve been together for 5 years and have been delving into kink more and more in the last year - mostly because he’s become more interested in it, I’m fairly vanilla when it comes to kink I think? I’m a bratty sub and he’s my daddy dom. Lately though, when I’ve needed punishment, he’s been requiring us to do what I feel are a little extreme acts. I’m only just getting used to the kinks we do now and I’m now worrying about some things and I hope someone can educate me/give me information... 

So the first thing he wants to do is he wants to cum ON my eyeball. This  kinda freaked me out cause I’m protective of my eyes and it hurts when he accidentally gets it in my eyes. He says it’s safe but I don’t know what kind of research he’s done other than see it in porn. Has anyone done this or know anything about it that could ease my mind?

the other thing is, we wants to do anal and after he cums in my ass, my wants me to squirt his cum out into a shotglass and drink it.. this one I find fairly extreme and I really want to know the safety of it, if anyone’s done it, I would love to hear your experience and any info would be great. We’ve done ass to mouth before but this feels more extreme and I’m worried. 

I want to please him but I’m scared and worried about my health. Please help

[Deleted Member]

Hey, nice to see your exploring kink. To answer your questions: Cum to the actual eye itself can cause irritation, as things really aren’t supposed to make contact with the eyeball, contacts won’t help this either, personally I’d avoid this one, just so there was no irritation. Alissa if you are susceptible to eye infection this could lead to one. Eating cum squirted from your ass - the only real risk here is you gag on the taste! There’s no risk involved with this one that I’m aware of. If there is anything ou really don’t feel comfortable doing, you have to speak to him about it - he should be understanding and it keeps the kinkiness going by forcing him to research different types of punishment.

[Hexy]

When it comes to what you see in porn. It's all spectacle so to speak. Most of the positions aren't that great for a couple as they are for the camera shots etc. the cum shot in the eye is a new one for me and it hurts so much because the sperm are basically trying to fertilize your eye so once or twice here or there as an accident won't do much harm but I would imagine that repeating it would thin the delicate walls of your eyes and possibly cause damage and lead to problems in the future. For me Swallowing was always directly into my mouth or I'm not swallowing at all. The cold glass makes the cum cold and nasty IMHO. As for the Anal after he has cum.... Brave brave man.... I wish him good luck xD

[BigPolly]

Ok the warning signs for me are not the acts that are being asked of you but you saying ‘he’s been requiring us to be doing what I feel are little extreme acts’ & ‘I want to help him’.....NO!!!!!! If you are not happy or you are not comfortable or you feel things are unsafe then you DO NOT do what someone requires of you in any situation! You are a Sub/brat you are not a doormat or are any less important or have any less of a say than he does. Without your gift of submission he wouldn’t be able to be a Daddy Dom sooooo....first thing is you talk, then you talk some more & after you’ve done that you keep talking! He shows you respect that your level of kink is not as extreme as his & he builds up your trust to ‘maybe’ push you to some limits but don’t ever ever ever ever feel like you should be doing anything just to please someone! You are so important in this dynamic so make sure you realise that & if he hasn’t got enough respect to allow you to stop at your level or go at your pace or even to accept bdsm might not be your thing then he isn’t worth your time, love or trust. Secondly read up on stuff & research it (& spot on for coming in here to ask) but don’t use porn as your research tool, if we all did what they did in porn films the world would be a much more bizarre place. You won’t be judged on your kinks as we are all very very different yet all very wonderful. You’re stepping into a new unknown world which can open many amazing & exciting doors for some people but always make sure you take it one step at a time. As a Daddy Dom it is his job to take care of your needs, even if that’s a punishment, if you’re feeling uncomfortable at any point then he needs to stop what he’s doing immediately until you’re back on a pace where you feel safe x

[begforSir]

Your biggest thing to consider is that you should both be on the same page. If you're truly uncomfortable with something then you need to speak up. Submission is all about boundaries and talking out your fetishes with each other. It's the same as making a relationship work for 5 years. There has to be communication. But also, there is always the risk of many diseases with any sexual act at all. Bodily fluids can carry and cause many diseases. For the most part, your eyes would be fine as long as you are not leaving the sperm in it for an extended amount of time. As for the drinking the cum from the ass, this poses many risks for disease. Fecal matter can cause many issues if ingested. Things that can help reduce the risk of anything would be to use the restroom before activity, and use an enema bulb to clear everything out.

[LittleMeowMeow]

I really appreciate the replies!! Thank you!

I have mentioned to him already that I’m not totally comfortable with these two acts and would prefer if we ease into them but he’s now telling me that if I don’t do them now, he’ll leave me. I don’t want to lose 5 years with someone I’ve given my heart and body to. When I told him I wasn’t comfortable with them, he immediately became aggravated and said a lot of hurtful things out of anger..

I did say he requires these things.. I say that because I suffer from BPD and he’s been the unfortunate recipient of my violent abusive outbursts for 4 years. He feels that punishing me with these things aliviates the imasculation and helplessness he feels when I rage. For the record, I am currently seeking help for this and I have been non violent for about a year now. He however still feels resentment for my past behavior.  His belief is that if I don’t share the EXACT same kinks as him, then we are wasting our time together. I’ve tried explaining that it’s okay for your partner to not be into EVERYTHING but he won’t have it. He says he can easily find someone else who will do everything. 

I’ve grown to enjoy the other kinks we do but that’s because he’s been very kind about making me comfortable with them and taking care of me during prep and clean up. But he seems to have changed and won’t allow any compromise =\

[Marcus4U]

I'm new to this site but I'd be very wary of anyone who feels it is okay to force you into doing anything you're not comfortable with by threatening to leave. That is bullying not BDSM.

Your BPD shouldn't matter, what's past is past, if anything the stress from doing things you aren't happy with is likely to aggravate it. If you are getting the BPD under control (non-violent for a year) it is possible, and I hope I am wrong, that he feels you are less dependent on him now. Such a change in behaviour would be a very negative way of dealing with a positive step for you (well done you!).

You are a valuable person in your own right and you deserve respect, and if he treats others like you - by not listening to what they need - then he will find that he will not easily find anyone to do anything.

[Mistermalachi17]

I’m just tryna suck some pretty toes

[ey****]

I'm reading through and nodding to all of the advice.

So now he's basically manipulating you into "do as I say or I'll leave you"

It's not you that's losing a relationship if he means this, it's him.

There's a lot of red flags going up here, because if you were to go ahead with this, what is he going to push you into next?  This isn't BDSM it's abuse.

[LittleMeowMeow]

Thank you for the continued advice and support everyone

I know in my heart what he’s doing isn’t okay but my regret for my past actions are allowing it as a kind of redemption thing. My behavior was atrocious but I do agree I shouldn’t be held to my past.. 

He’s told me he can stop behaving this way, he just wants me to be more stable and be able to control my breakdowns. So until then, this is the dynamic he desires. Apparently it balances things out. I’ve tried expressing that using kink this way is making me see kink negatively and not enjoy it, instead I have fears. He promised me that we would ease into things and make me comfortable but about 2 weeks ago we had a fight because I didn’t give him a blowjob right when we got home from camping. It escalated and because of my BPD, I got hung up on semantics which aggravated him to the point we’re at now. I know how this all sounds. 

I have an intense fear of abandonment so I really don’t want to lose him..

[BigPolly]

‘We had a fight because I didn’t give him a blow job’......wow!!!!! What an absolute horrific abusive dick! Sorry but you’re saying you love him, you love him because he abuses & bullies you? You’ve only been together 5yrs you’ve got your whole life ahead of you & you want to spend it with someone who emotionally blackmails you by telling you his abusive acts ‘evens things out’ what a vile creature he sounds! you’re getting help but honestly you would get through your healing programme much quicker & flourish massively if this knobhead wasn’t holding you back....I’m so sorry that that’s harsh but making you perform sexual acts against your will...well that speaks for itself. You have a fear of abandonment so don’t lose him & feel abandoned, take control & walk away with your head held high like the amazing beautiful butterfly you are. Learn to fly & love alone x

[TheCenobite]

I kinda want to echo what the others are saying. I mean there is a world of difference between wanting to be pushed past your comfort zone and being forced past your comfort zone. People talk a lot about consent in the scene but consent thats not enthusiastically given isnt really conscent, and conscent through coercion or blackmail....thats abuse.

[LittleMeowMeow]

I really appreciate all the honesty  it’s much needed. I clearly have a lot to consider. I think I’ll hang around here for a while, I’d like to explore this new world I’ve been introduced to, even if it’s alone. 

Thank you for everyone’s opinions, it’s all been eye opening tbh