How often do you recieve the first spank or message?

[Ma****]

But I do not do spank beats

[sW****]

April 30, atlantis362 said:

Confidence. It doesn’t matter if they message you first or not. Message anyone you find attractive. If they reply cool, if not too bad. This is not a huge deal. Low confidence shows more then high confidence. And it’s a huge turnoff

Sometimes. While I find confidence appealing, I don't find assertion appealing. In general, yes. Don't worry about making the first move. However, please read someone's profile before messaging. There are some practical ways to make a connection without being predatory (in the bad way). "Hello" --ugh, goodbye. "You are fine and sexy, and you should be my new (insert role here)."--ugh, triple goodbye. Literally just be yourself. Don't message people with an established role in mind. Think of them as...*gasps* a person.

[Blzbob_redux]

Actually this does happen if rarely, does come as a surprise but as it was someone I wanted to talk to quite a bit anyway then it worked out well. Even on other places I have gotten messages first occasionally though it's very rare and just the nature of the system.

[SapphicScientist]

I check all my visitors pretty much as frequently as they come in, expect no prof pics usually dont have a bio so i dont check. I send every single one I like my most important screening question, if they haven't already texted me. I get visitors when I post in the forum so I like coming up with valuable content n questions deserving of widespread attention, i only do one forum post a day or the visitorscome in too fast to check. I use the other methods too but I most prefer it When they come to me. Most of the messages are spam or hookups though.

Im sorry though, not getting the attention you want sucks. Youre pretty but also It seems like looks matter less here than anywhere else I've been, matters if you write cool

[Bt****]

I get spanked and messaged all day long. Maybe put a flashy pics up as your profile

[sW****]

Looking at your profile, I would venture to say you like Sensual Sadism/Masochism. That is a pretty niche desire. Most sadomasochists enjoy *** (physical or emotional), and sensual sadism can *seem* tame...until you get tickle-***d. I agree with @scientistxSaturday that since this is primarily a word-based app, words matter. And, although this is a kinky app (which is supposed to push or ignore norms), there are still social norms we need to work on...like women sending the first message.

[Hy****]

It’s a supply and demand thing. The woman/man ratio on here is heavily, heavily skewed towards men, that’s true of a lot of dating sites, but especially new dating sites. The competition is fierce, and the way you stick out is by having good pictures, or having strong words. Even then, as a man as you are in heavy supply, you must send the first messages.

Queens do not chase peasants.

[Bt****]

2 hours ago, Hyrrolar said:

It’s a supply and demand thing. The woman/man ratio on here is heavily, heavily skewed towards men, that’s true of a lot of dating sites, but especially new dating sites. The competition is fierce, and the way you stick out is by having good pictures, or having strong words. Even then, as a man as you are in heavy supply, you must send the first messages.

Queens do not chase peasants.

I agree with this. Fet shouldn't be a way to find girls, it's more about a community that you can discuss all things fetish related. Become active in discussions and don't let other people's words bring you down. Everyone has their own problems in life. Some people will project their own problems on you. Some people may just be having a bad day. Just be cool and be yourself and they will come to you.

[Zi****]

Let's address the self confidence thing, you're a normal looking dude, I've seen guys way uglier than you get women to respond to them. Try altering your bio, you've got what is basically a list that tells nothing about who you are and what you're looking for. Express yourself.

[Bm****]

I haven't received any spank yet. I just started now and need to get to know anyone.

[CagedClitLvr]

On 4/30/2022 at 1:58 AM, ChristianC said:

So, no one has ever messaged me first on this app. (I honestly presume it’s because I am unattractive), but I am just curious if thats honestly why no one really messages me. Does anyone else have the same struggle? Not to mention, I will rarely get spanked, message them, then still no response… honestly confusing and a bit saddening 😅. Thoughts?

Id say your age. You're very cute but perhaps it's the age that's defining a lack of experience? I'm new here but I've noticed that there's a lot more of us in our mid 20s to 40s.  Just a thought. Don't b insecure. Good things take time. 

[bo****]

Occasionally I get spanks but I never get any messages on here at all so far when I first signed up I got one message and then I completely just completely stopped getting messages on here

[Deleted Member]

Rare to be messaged.. arranged a date to meet 35 kloms away and she was a no show

[Vu****]

I had one message me, we were chatting three nights straight and she stopped on the fourth. That was last Tuesday, it either happens or it don't. Pity she was just a few miles away too.

[Ae****]

You're a guy and you're not super super hot. Don't worry that much though, cuz like 95% of guys are also not super super hot, so you're just a normal, average guy having the average guy experience of dating life. So don't expect lots of spanks and initiated contact, from women at least.
Yeah it's sad af, your feelings are totally understandable and reasonable.
It's not totally down to the idea that you're not attractive - dating dynamics are naturally skewed, and they have have become further skewed/amplified by some unfortunate developments in society and culture, and the end result is guys end up feeling like they're not good enough but that's not really true - it's complicated.
The deepest solution - learn to not tie your self esteem to the opinion of others, in this case, potential dates.
When you don't care anymore you'll a. Be happy, and b. Be more attractive and end up getting more attention.

[bi****]

Yeah same for me. Just give it time bro it’ll happen eventually.