How often do you recieve the first spank or message?

[sp****]

On my solo profile I get spanks and likes, but I've only gotten one message and it was on our couple account. So no it's probably not that you're unattractive, it's probably that your kinks just don't line up with theirs. This app is fairly small still I think only a few thousand people downloaded it

[Ch****]

Your profile looks pretty well fleshed out.
You still have the expectation that the other person will do the work.
Maybe change your writing to show that you are willing to put effort in, you just want the other person to make the first move.

Also, no need to say you’re not the best looking. People have a type they like and can tell by your pics if you are that type or not.
Be honest, but no need for being negative.

[gr****]

2 hours ago, Jinxy said:

Here’s my perspective... I very rarely use the spank feature as it feels weird to me to ‘spank’ someone I have never even talked to and don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but I just can’t get myself to do it. I’d rather just message the person first if I’m interested. Which I have done. Similar to what others are sharing it’s based on how the profile is presented. Here’s what I look for:

Are the pictures tasteful and not just dick pics? Pictures that tease and hint are much more intriguing. 

Is the profile filled out and how does it match my interests? I’m not going to waste both our time by messaging if we aren’t seeming to be a match from the beginning. Not personal, not an attractive/unattractive thing... it’s just efficiency. I only have so much time and energy. 

Have they written a status update, ad, or forum post? How did they present themselves with it? It’s surprising how often I find rude and disrespectful comments in these. Side note: I would recommend removing the references to thinking you’re unattractive in your profile. It doesn’t present well and I’ve seen, from other experiences, it attract the wrong sort of person.

I also check when they last logged in to see if they’re active. I’m not going to waste my time composing a first message if the person hasn’t logged in for awhile. 

Bottom line... many of the active individuals on here will be reading profiles to determine whether they want to respond or initiate contact so make it count. 

Good luck! 
Jinx

Another amazing answer. I think a lot of us are just lazy, hoping someone will ‘like’ us and assume the bio isn’t read.
Really interesting how others ‘do it’ thanks 🙏

[sp****]

Your self view of attractiveness is irrelevant. The saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" became popular for a reason. Confidence is the most attractive trait typically so start there.

[Th****]

All the girls on here are bots that's why

[at****]

Confidence. It doesn’t matter if they message you first or not. Message anyone you find attractive. If they reply cool, if not too bad. This is not a huge deal. Low confidence shows more then high confidence. And it’s a huge turnoff

[iW****]

Atlantis is right. You can be the ugliest, poorest dude in the bar, but walk in like you f**king own the place and people will notice the confidence while never noticing the things you worry about.

Just walk and talk as if you believe it, bro. It'll work. I swear.

[Deleted Member]

You're welcome to the creepers who've entered mine. This place has strong fetlife vibes.

[ey****]

12 hours ago, TheBlueWerewolf said:

All the girls on here are bots that's why

See. I know this not to be true.

If your response to not getting messages first, or not getting replies is "they're all bots" then you are going to continually run into problems and bitterness.

[BadDesires]

Especially if you think they are bots I doubt they have any interest in you or proving you wrong.

[sp****]

Yesterday at 08:48 AM, gemini_man said:

It's a common thing on sites like this for guys not to be messaged first or receive a great deal of attention, and it's not necessarily to do with attractiveness in the slightest, but comes down to various factors:
.
The sheer number of single men compared to women is a primary factor, most sites like this run at a ratio of around 10:1 - so simple logic would minimise the chances.
.
Then you have to take into account that many of those single men are just looking to get their dicks wet as fast as they can, so women tend to be wary of messaging as a result.
.
Again when all you have to go on is profile text and pics it's not always easy to pick the good guys out from the bad - which is why getting both of those things right is key on sites like this.
.
Many men make the mistake too of thinking the *only* approach to sites like this is blindly sending/receiving messages to people they've had no prior interaction with in the hope of getting a response - whilst that can work it's absolutely not the only way to go about things, and is also possibly the hardest way to do so, I certainly gave up doing it pretty much many years ago - people will feel more comfortable interacting with you if they have evidence, beyond your profile and pics, of the way you interact, which is why things like the forums and chat rooms are invaluable tools.
.
One last thing I'd point out in your specific case OP, and there's nothing you can do about it, is your age will go against you - many of the users will have kids your age, or older, and won't be looking for someone as young as you, so your potential connections will be limited as a result.

In summary, don't get downhearted, or think it's anything about your looks, it's just you're in a very big pool and so need to make yourself stand out from the crowd and have patience to find the right connection.

Indeed my step daughter is 19 and my child is 17

[ca****]

Ure not unattractive I would happily serve u

[Deleted Member]

Well, the first two women messaging me were after ***, so there's that....

[Ja****]

There are innumerable Russian men on these sites with stolen Instagram photos of hot girls that are running scams. If she looks too hot for you proceed with caution. Also, never, never, never front *** for anything!

[gr****]

Update: Been on a few weeks. 4 likes, 5 spanks. No interactions and not really done much myself until this week commenting on this 🤷‍♂️
More effort may produce results. Only one way of finding out!

[Ja****]

2 hours ago, JamesInConroe said:

There are innumerable Russian men on these sites with stolen Instagram photos of hot girls that are running scams. If she looks too hot for you proceed with caution. Also, never, never, never front *** for anything!

Please take note I said “these sites” not “this” site. I have encounter 3 here. The other sites are overrun and unusable.

[Ja****]

No one here that is serious is in any big hurry. Yes, life is short but time is long and time here participating in every possible thing you can get into will increase your engagements. What you want is out there.

[No****]

April 30, Finally_Jen said:

As many have said, there is a lot of factors going on. Please know this has nothing at all to do with your attractiveness / physical looking self!

- For me, seeing someone as 18, yes I will click off right away as it is more closer to my own daughters age, than it is to mine. It is an automatic No. 

- There is the content of the messages. I know immediately who has not read my profile upon a quick glaze of their message, I click off straight away. If they are going to message me without even reading about me or what I want, need or have to offer, then I don't want to have anything to do with them.

- I know for a lot of women, and scrolling this site often, they have people messaging who send awful messages and most only interested in their appearance. I get all sorts of demands, assumptions and scenes played out that massively trigger me, but these people don't know me or that, and send me *** in a first message. It is disheartening. Hell I know how slim things are for men as I know of one "Dominant" who has worked his way though me (tried) and 4 other women that I know (also tried)... We are all friends!!!!!!!! And this bloke already has a sub/partner. Absolute embarrassment to be honest and it really makes you go off having 'friends' on here too when they turn out to be that way! Once rejected they spit their dummy out, but I don't let someone put me off the good things and people on here!

 

.

 

- Now, I don't pay much attention to most messages anymore. I get tired of the same stuff so yes, needs something to really stand out to me for me to reply.

BUT that being said, due to the shitty influx I get, I am more so now the one to put my feelers out and message someone first. I am not afraid to approach an opportunity if I see one, due to how rare it has become for me. 

But there has also been times I have messaged someone and been left on read, the message binned, blocked, or No Thanks'd. It can happen. I sort of beat myself up about it for 5 minutes assuming the worst but then realise I am not for everyone, same as everyone is not for me. 

 

. 

 

- Scammer "females" are rife on here and the common "moan" I hear from all my male friends, and the Lobby, is "another Bot has messaged them"... So I can understand why a fair lot of men are wary at times of women approaching first on this platform.

- There is a larger Male : Female ratio on here though, I will agree. So naturally I believe some women may know this and can simply join up and know they will have people come to them, minimal effort. I believe it should be equal. But good point on the "seeing a new female and everyone messages her to try their luck", to loosely quote someone above. Bit of a viscious circle, looking at it.... 

- Spanks can be a fun and flirty way to poke at someone playfully to sort of let them know they like you and you can poke back and sort of go back and forth until someone messages the other. At the same time, male basic accounts are limited, so even if they are spanked, most can't see and an opportunity passes by, and then they become even more reluctant to upgrade and they don't feel it will be worth the ***.

- Time Zones and distance also play a factor. For all you know someone who is 1000km away has seen you and wanted to message but the distance for them was undoable. I know I have had to sort of "let one go by", due to the distance in the past. Online things can be hard if long distance also, time zones and life routines can get in the way and some people may not see that being an option for them at the moment. I do believe though that if someone is meant for another, no matter how close or far, they will cross paths and should it progress, then it is meant for them.

Just do not give up. Life is myseterious, so are human beings, but that is all part of the adventure <3

 

Super helpful advice and your perspective really helps a newbie gain some wisdom. Thank you for the effort and time you put into the post🙏

[Deleted Member]

First of all, spanks are a total waste of time if you're doing it to someone who isn't of elevated status and has a star or crown on their profile, because they can't see who the hell spanked them.
I use them for a few reasons.
1) This mailbox is full - Piss off. Spank... Ok we'll let you post now. That is genuine. Spank as VIP access.
2) You have exceeded your allowance of ice breakers. Damn, I can't let this one drift. Spank. There in your spanked babes to revisit. Spank as Marker. If they are peers of this realm a spank may pique their interest and get them messaging you. I'd not rely on it. Visiting repeatedly is more likely to raise an eyebrow - and a block. You get few marks for ingenuity here.
3) I've sent a message and I'd really like to get to know them and they are Star/Crown status and haven't blocked me. If they haven't visited my profile. Spank - as Nudge. 
In reverse it's quite a bit of fun. A fuzzy blob of differing hues. If they have visited your profile before spanking you, it's a case of making their clear profile pic match the blurred mess in your Spankers. As a man there's very little thought needed. Few visit and very few spank notwithstanding the scammers, although I am visited by more and more Scammes these days, maybe the scammers are trying all angles.
They are normally 18...every single role and archetype ticked, yet somehow only available as 24 hour no limit sex dolls. Not a hint of the other half of their Switch side. Spelling, grammar and syntax... 

[Deleted Member]

As for Christian the Lion who started the thread off... You have a huge gold crown. Unlimited icebreakers, you can see who is online, the most recent newcomers. You can filter by Kink/Perversion in your browse options (try it, globally, you're well off enough to travel for this). The world is your Lobster!!!
Get out there. Talk to these people. It's a Fetish Dating site primarily, with Lobbies and Forums as side hustles. So given your tickle Kink, have a well thought out piece about tickle play written up. When you find a (local) girl who has the same listed, read her profile carefully and tailor the rest of your message to her needs. It may sound cynical, but as you have found, the feather will not come to you, it's up to you to go looking. She is the prize, bend to her will. Her Kink, her way, always. She likes your Kink too. That is the deal clincher. 

[ey****]

6 hours ago, VKD said:

2) You have exceeded your allowance of ice breakers. Damn, I can't let this one drift. Spank.

so your problem is simply you're trying to message far too many people and that's never good.  

I think even with paid access, slow down

Do you really like all these people? Way to make them feel special?

[ge****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

so your problem is simply you're trying to message far too many people and that's never good.  

I think even with paid access, slow down

Do you really like all these people? Way to make them feel special?

Nail on the head there eyem 👍🏻

[Deleted Member]

I'm not here to whine about my own lot in life but to explain to the OP that sitting around waiting for things to happen on this site,  as a Dom,  is utterly futile. It's accelerated atrophy, you will wither and die. Also, don't look solely for your perfect partner. Invest too much hope in that attempted interaction and you will be crushed. 

You are in NY. Kink Central. Get onto the 'other place' I'm sure that there will be at least 1000 Groups registered, among them may well be one devoted to your kink. Check the members out and slowly the scales start falling from your eyes. 

Ok rather than mouth off.... 

Tickle Fetish New York

Is the group (988 groups in total),  247 members .

On a plate. Don't fail me now. 

[Ma****]

I don't ever first spank

[Ma****]

If any thing I get spanked first