How much is CBT supposed to hurt?

[Test3761s]

No stupid questions, right? Hopefully?

I'm new to the BDSM scene, and particularly new to trying the pain\torture side of submission. I saw a dom a few days ago, and using a stick she was hitting me down there - and of course it really hurt. It was overwhelming, and I found it really hard to stay still. I know it is supposed to be "torture," but I was just wondering if people actually somewhat enjoy receiving it in the moment? Like a "fuck yeah" sort of thing?

Or are you supposed to feel overwhelmed? Want it to stop, and be fearful in the moment? Then the gratification comes after the session is over, or after the pain stops?

[Lord_Talion]

I recall a James bond film where he was sat in a seat less chair for torture as a guy whipped his balls with cast iron lag nuts on the end of a rope to which all he could say was "a little to the left, no back to the right. Yeas that's the spot.

This has always been what I imagine when thinking of CBT.

[Pe****]

How did you become acquainted with this dom? Was the dom a pro dom? How long have they been a dom? How much communication did you have with this dom pre and post play? Did the topic of safety or aftercare come up at all? Where specifically did she hit you? Did she start elsewhere on your body first? A lot of the answers to your queries are based on these.

[ge****]

The answer is quite simple - it's supposed to hurt as much as you are comfortable with that hurt - if it went beyond that you should have had a safe word you could use to either stop things completely or slow them down a little.
.
There is no scale against which pain is measured or gauged to a "supposed to be" level - the *only* person that can know if it's too much is you - regardless of whether it's CBT, spanking, flogging etc.
.
Sounds like you were either at or close to your limit/pain threshold - whether you were beyond that only you can say.

[ey****]

different people like different things - some get aroused with CBT (or high pain  in general) some like it to be overwhelming, some want the experience of being fearful in the moment

some want the "for their Dominant" experience

what experience do you want?

 

[Deleted Member]

As mentioned already, communication in advance of a first session should have covered off limits, boundaries, pain levels etc…
Safe words are then there to allow the sub to intervene if it gets close to, or beyond their threshold.

That said, I’ve always felt that a good Dom should be able to read their sub from his/her reactions. This is clearly more difficult in a first session and developed over time.

The question for you is whether or not you enjoyed that pain level and would want it again, because despite the pain you enjoyed the feeling either during the session or after. If the answer is yes then the pain level was right for you. If the answer is no then you need to discuss reducing the pain level in future sessions

[ey****]

15 minutes ago, NewToThis65 said:

That said, I’ve always felt that a good Dom should be able to read their sub from his/her reactions. This is clearly more difficult in a first session and developed over time.

I'm going to tell a story which I think highlights some of the problems in first time play and also the importance of communication

In one of my very first film scenes I was a little nervous and I went around the room with the lady (who I'd met just 20 minutes earlier in the car park) and picked toys that we both agreed to use

The producer appeared with a carriage whip and asked if we would also use that and we were both a bit thrown by this, but agreed to try it out.

It was HORRIBLE

Now. The producer had also asked for a cold scene, so no real communication, and we had agreed a hand signal (actually, truth of the matter - we could have spoken at any time because the verbal could just have been cut) 

Now as I say it was horrible and I was in a position of wanting to go as long as I could because I didn't want to "let her down" and of course wanted to make a good clip - and also - the lady could see I was struggling but did not want to stop because she didn't know if I was enjoying it or not despite my suffering

That she has other subs who would have similar reactions but not want it to stop and she is a little nervy as we've not played before but watching the video back she does a couple of strikes and then checks for my hand signal.

Retrospectively - after the first couple of hits I should have just said "no, not using that" and continued the scene with the toys we had agreed - but in the moment it can be difficult for both people.

We had an agreed safe signal - I wasn't using it - so in the moment while I don't think she made the right decision I can also understand the decision.

---

CBT is the same.  It hurts. If someone is doing it to you and you don't ask them to stop - they have no way of knowing you want it to stop.  

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm going to tell a story which I think highlights some of the problems in first time play and also the importance of communication

In one of my very first film scenes I was a little nervous and I went around the room with the lady (who I'd met just 20 minutes earlier in the car park) and picked toys that we both agreed to use

The producer appeared with a carriage whip and asked if we would also use that and we were both a bit thrown by this, but agreed to try it out.

It was HORRIBLE

Now. The producer had also asked for a cold scene, so no real communication, and we had agreed a hand signal (actually, truth of the matter - we could have spoken at any time because the verbal could just have been cut) 

Now as I say it was horrible and I was in a position of wanting to go as long as I could because I didn't want to "let her down" and of course wanted to make a good clip - and also - the lady could see I was struggling but did not want to stop because she didn't know if I was enjoying it or not despite my suffering

That she has other subs who would have similar reactions but not want it to stop and she is a little nervy as we've not played before but watching the video back she does a couple of strikes and then checks for my hand signal.

Retrospectively - after the first couple of hits I should have just said "no, not using that" and continued the scene with the toys we had agreed - but in the moment it can be difficult for both people.

We had an agreed safe signal - I wasn't using it - so in the moment while I don't think she made the right decision I can also understand the decision.

---

CBT is the same.  It hurts. If someone is doing it to you and you don't ask them to stop - they have no way of knowing you want it to stop.  

Yes I understand your point about a Dom reading a Sub in first sessions - very well put. 

[Test3761s]

9 hours ago, PerthS said:

How did you become acquainted with this dom? Was the dom a pro dom? How long have they been a dom? How much communication did you have with this dom pre and post play? Did the topic of safety or aftercare come up at all? Where specifically did she hit you? Did she start elsewhere on your body first? A lot of the answers to your queries are based on these.

Hey! So pro dom, 5+ years experience and there was great aftercare and a good talk before. The session was mostly body worship/smothering, and I indicated I'd like to experiment with CBT as that's something I haven't done before. Specifically she hit me in the balls, but stopped after a few because she had the vibe that I was too tense.

 

During the moment, I don't think I enjoyed it at all, but I was thinking it might just be that I'm not used to those kinda sensations (I can count the times I've been hit down there on 1 hand, and remember each incident... Floor hockey was the worst!)

 

Afterwards, it's still hard to tell if I enjoyed it or not. I definitely enjoyed the session, I'm still interested to trying it again, albeit a bit fearful. But I do feel safe with her.

 

Edited May 19, 2022 by Test3761s

[ey****]

15 minutes ago, Test3761s said:

Afterwards, it's still hard to tell if I enjoyed it or not. I definitely enjoyed the session, I'm still interested to trying it again, albeit a bit fearful. But I do feel safe with her.

 

Communicate this with her

I will say kinda - my first time CBT wasn't too harsh but I didn't massively enjoy it though some of the concept was fun.  The lady teased the fuck out of me to get me hard and then used that to slap or flog my erect cock

So it hurt a bit and I was glad it was over - but also glad to try

I think now a lot, when I do it, it's in a "I'm not great with this, but if we have fun and don't take things too far it's about mutual fun"

I do have a good CBT idea I want to do next week - with someone who has done CBT with me before so I trust to have that, ahem, honour