Male submissive, what are your expectations in a flr?

[Sey-Jacqui]

I have seen on many occasion they will come with fantasies or at times a bucket list of their needs. Yes, the relationship is based on trust and respecting the limitations of the sub however a submissive should also research and learn. It would be good to find out what do most subs expect from a flr?

[Shayaishere]

For me personally, I'd want my flr to be a situation where definitely the female has the power of the relationship and most importantly, she is the decision maker. As a submissive, I have no say whatsoever in that relationship at all. However, it's important to point out that both individuals have a personal life as well and the dom should respect that boundary. Other than that, use your sub to the fullest for your own pleasures.

[Deleted Member]

To me, it's about submitting entirely, therefore my needs are secondary to my domme.. I realize that some agreement is necessary, but after the understanding, it's no longer in my control.

[TxFrank]

I think the fantasy of FLR is what most males subs crave. It's not all crops, corsets, pegging and begging. It's a lot more 'get me a glass of wine', stop that because I said so, and all the drudgery of a 24/7 TPE. I loved it because 1.) If I was unsure of what to do I simply asked. 2.) Service is not glamorous but being praised for doing the mundane things is It's own reward. 3.) Relieving Her of what burdens I can helps reduce Stress. And finally 4.) With one clear leader, discord and arguments are reduced greatly.

[ge****]

Same as I'd look for from any other relationship...connection, chemistry, mutual respect, being on the same wavelength, able to communicate with each other openly and honestly and other things along similar lines....doesn't really matter what the relationship is without those anything else is insignificant...plus the specifics will flow naturally when those are in place.

[ey****]

I started to write something which got a bit flip floppy but based on my current situation I could have a Mistress, a sub, a play partner, so on - to any degree how much we could truly call it a FLR might be a stretch given for example there is a lot a prospective Mistress could ask of me - there are limitations based on my existing relationship and present commitments : I imagine as and when I next formally have a Mistress we can see how this works in a way where they can be happy with the level of control and commitment but that I can still, say, arrange filming without needing permission at every step of the way.

I do know a fair few people in FLRs - and - their reality is very different from the fantasy.

So in most case play/fetish *is* part of the relationship but a very small % and not always regularly.  A lot of the stronger relationships also rely on proactive subs rather than micromanaging - so things like the "anything you ask" subs or those who will do the housework, but expect to be monitored, checked or followed (or played with if it's not a good job) or so on tend to leave the Dominant burnt out a lot quicker 

A lot do often subtly uphold the relationship by, for example, letting her manage the household finances and/or having final say on decisions 

You don't *actually* have to have a kink relationship to have a FLR  

[Deleted Member]

For me once trust is gained and boundaries set, I as the sub have no further say as I’m there purely to serve.

[su****]

I was in a wonderful FLR with my late wife for 5 years. It developed like any other relationship that is we loved and respected each other, the only difference was the D/s dynamic. I enjoyed every second of my time as her sub. It worked well. I'm naturally a people pleaser and She was a natural Domme. In reality Ds played only a small part of the relationship that is we still took turns doing chores etc as we both had full time jobs.

[BadDesires]

As some people have said I think a good long term flr needs the same foundations as any normal relationship. There needs to trust, chemistry and respect from both members for the relationship to grow.
I'd expect the D/s dynamic would also need time to grow with the dominant female molding her partner into her hearts desire, within there agreed boundaries.
Curious to know if female dominants prefer subs who mindlessly surrender everything from the beginning or do they prefer someone more resilient, who encourages them to take more and more control over time? I would have thought the journey into submission would be just as exciting as reaching the final destination.

[ey****]

1 hour ago, BadDesires said:

Curious to know if female dominants prefer subs who mindlessly surrender everything from the beginning or do they prefer someone more resilient, who encourages them to take more and more control over time? I would have thought the journey into submission would be just as exciting as reaching the final destination.

obviously I'd also love to hear scope from other people

but in what-I've-found.  

Certainly the lasting, seemingly-secure, FLRs I am aware of have been built over time and gradually.   Like, years.  A lot that tried to be all guns blazing have burnt out quickly.   This is something I frequently say about needing patience.

I remember a conversation I had with someone who very briefly had a live-in sub and he had pester pestered her for it and so she spent time drawing everything up - from what the rules would be, to how much financial contribution she would need (cos someone moving into your house costs *** if nothing else) and he agreed to them all and moved in.    He didn't last a week.  

The problem is people don't surrender everything from Day 1 - and I'm not sure they entirely should either - a relationship can certainly be Female Led without the submissive surrendering everything.  Some things can be a burden to some women to take on - and that is a very common problem - as a lot of subs like to kinda... absolve responsibility.  Even if that's not what they think they are doing.  Because decisions can be hard, so having someone else make them all, set budgets, so on - that sounds nice.

So I think it is more likely to avoid burn out if it's a gradual thing - or - if there was an initial big bang which then settles down 

[Sey-Jacqui]

Really appreciate all your contributions and important points when making certain decisions. A domme can also require certain space this does not mean shes abandoning her sub. Its important to understand each others needs

[Wannabeutesissy77]

To obey serve her every order. And derive my pleasure from pleaseing her

[Realsubmale951]

For me, basically a normal relationship on the outside, with a dominant woman. A good old fashioned, mutually beneficial relationship where both people improve the lives of their partner. With the added benefit of the occasional rope play, *** and power exchange. Requiring micro management can be burdensome, I (personally) am not that needy. I have hobbies, interests and activities I like to pursue. I also like pleasing my partner, so a balance is required. I know my place, I am very comfortable with my place. But I am not a pushover, nor a doormat. Somewhere in the 55-45% to 49-51% range. The stronger and more confident the woman, will naturally move my side of the percentage down.

[Deleted Member]

I could see myself being completely obedient and 99.5% controlled in a FLR dynamic. However maybe there could be that 0.5% thing for me too? Not a big or unreasonable ask?

For instance I have a woman wearing shirt and tie type fetish. Maybe the FLR could wear that for me while having had wicked way and total control?

[su****]

I've been fortunate enough to have been part of a wonderful committed FLR with my late wife. From my experience I can assure you I wasn't on a collar and leash from dusk til Dawn lol. In essence we had a conventional relationship but with my yearning to please and my wife's acceptance of my requirements we made it work. It takes a very special person to compliment a sub and my wife was certainly a wonderful lady and Domme.

We both had jobs and responsibilities. I happily carried out many of the domestic duties, I happen to be a good cook and organiser. I had my time away, playing in football teams, swimming and running two businesses.

It worked well for us and I think an understanding of the dynamic is vital.

[Deleted Member]

I've been lucky enough to have the experience, I had no expectations of what it would be like, because all I had was my idea of what submission was, a bit of service, some sexual service, some discipline.

Was I ever so not expecting it, it was so much more, and so much more exciting, it played with my head, I was controlled, clothing, free time, orgasm.  And it blew my mind, I can't really go into full detail, you'll end up with pages and pages of stuff that just put me in such a mental state that I lived for it, I wanted nothing more than to please and be a good sub.  My rewards became the simple fact that I had been good.

yeah sorry that's a bit all over the place, it's because I even now thinking about it, it puts me in a such a sub place...

anyway... 

 

What I will say, is sometimes it's not easy, mine was a long distance relationship, not massively, I was in London at the time, they were in the North of England, and for myself I really couldn't cope with the distance, I felt I needed a closer contact, so I ended it.  Sometimes I wish I didn't when I think back, that was such an amazing part of my life, who knows though, maybe it could be round the corner for me again

Edited July 3, 2022 by Deleted Member

[MacHam]

It's silly, but I definitely love the idea of being a domestic boyfriend or husband just in general. Cooking? Cleaning? Ahhh I dunno, I just think it's nice to be able to show I care for someone by doing the stuff that needs to get done.

And when it comes to intimacy, I kinda like to have the other party take the reins. Not everything has to be a dom/sub thing but I just enjoy following the whims of a partner -- and I think I look to them a bit for guidance sometimes haha. 

I'm a bit of a people pleaser and I think I have a penchant for... well, pleasing.   I like someone I can be open, empathetic and communicative with and I'm really just so passive by nature that it's a comfortable position for me. I like the idea of someone who can be a bit more assertive (and playfully so!) while still respecting the boundaries of every day life.

[Deleted Member]

On 7/3/2022 at 6:36 PM, GenXsub said:

What I will say, is sometimes it's not easy, mine was a long distance relationship, not massively, I was in London at the time, they were in the North of England, and for myself I really couldn't cope with the distance, I felt I needed a closer contact, so I ended it.  Sometimes I wish I didn't when I think back, that was such an amazing part of my life, who knows though, maybe it could be round the corner for me again

Interesting personal story/experience you shared. I think the site would benefit with an optional profile question along lines of 'Would you be open to relocating for a future partner(s)/relationship(s).