So be honest, what am I doing wrong?

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, adoreSally said:

I’d like to add that a lot of the men in the comments are using “this is not a serious app, most of the women are fake” as a reason they don’t get replies. The problem is you and the only reason you’re saying that is to make yourself feel better about no woman being interested. It’s not the app, it’s you

Nobody takes you seriously and your ego and blatant narcissism is a clown carnival. Cringe

[16****]

Don't mind these people, you are not sexist. It is normal , especially as of late. The ones who complain about the length, I would guess their vocabulary, and interesting conversations, fall along the same lines. It is a prime example of what is wrong with this world now a days. People are in too much of a hurry to be bothered with anything, but complain about how bored, or discriminated against they are, as they do not understand why they are losing all their rights, because they did not have the time to read or research anything, but swear they voted for the other thing.
You are super pretty. Do not throw in the towel. I do not know if it costs to message yet, this is my first message. You can hit me up if you would like to.

[BruiseWayne]

8 hours ago, Pleasurecalculus said:

..I always suggest meeting women in person, because if you can't do that, you probably aren't going to have a good time on the internet either.

That's not necessarily true. I'm TERRIBLE at meeting women in person and have had WAY more success in meeting them online. In fact everyone I've had a relationship with in the past 15 years or so I've met OL.

[ey****]

I've only scan read a lot of this as this thread has blown up quite quickly - but for the OP and anyone else, some bits and some tips.

1) You can do everything seemingly right and not get any response

2) Even if your profile looks fine, it's difficult for people to know what you're doing wrong/right if they can't see the messages or who you are messaging

3) If some people think your profile or ad is sexist - then it is going to alienate a lot of people.  However if you want a partner with a certain dynamic in mind then that's... well... that's with you.   The people not responding likely don't want that dynamic. It's good they didn't respond, you'd be wasting both of your time.

4) Being new can be difficult cos a lot of the women who get messages think "oh look, here's another guy who just signed up and is messaging all the women with his ***tergun how original" (or words to that effect) so time and patience is a must

5) Never underestimate a passive connection.  So online that if there's someone you're often agreeing with or interacting with on the forum or in chat then when you message them you might already have rapport

6) Diversify approach.  As well as being online I go to munches and events.  It's a good way to both meet lots of people and enrich your knowledge. In turn this means you have more to contribute in discussions which gets you noticed more

 

[Ju****]

8 hours ago, JamesInConroe said:

This is not a serious app. It’s overrun with Russian men running catfish scams and prostitution of the most blatant kind. Some prostitutes have realized that they can call it ‘findom’ and avoid a lot of scrutiny for *** of kink shaming. Scammers can be identified by usernames like ‘Carrie953’ & ‘Slutgirl914’ OR a random combination of four English words like ‘turkeyautopurpleillness Women are not usually prone to first contact so if a totally hot woman with no description in her profile messages you and wants to f**k right now? Probably gonna be a scam account. Finally, if she is in a hurry to move to another platform to chat? She’s probably a he named Sergei and he doesn’t live anywhere near you. If you don’t know ask them to send a clothed selfie touching…I don’t know an eyebrow. If they are real you’ll get your verification and if not you just avoided another MASSIVE waste of time, effort, & libido.
Finally,

Genuinely don't know if you were addressing me in this. With the use of "Finally" at the end also. 

 

I disagree and yet agree. 

If its too good to be true it usually is. 

Yes they try to take you off app.

But...

There are some "hot" women eho approach people genuinely too.. so they shouldnt all be tarred under a scammer bracket.

Heck ive been called fake even tho ive near 400 pics. 

Met 50+ people off here in real life at kink events and a relationship made on here.. 

Some people have accused me of being fake because ive rejected them.

Flip reverse searched my images and all sorts.

Doesn't bother me. Nothing to hide.

But I'm off topic now replying to you.

I think this is about where this OP is going wrong lol

[Ju****]

8 hours ago, DFEllis said:

Sure. That is an approach that might work. But I think a long bio is fine too, depending on who you are trying to attract. I agree with almost everything else fl said.

I agree with this point. A filled out bio is massively important to me. And I know I am bas assuming, but if someone has a short and crappy bio then I believe 

1. They're here for a fast f**k

2. They don't take the site seriously and have nothing to give or are simply lazy. 

 

I always read bio's. And there is nothing wrong with OP bio length, for me it's more what it entails but I'll touch on that in a separate comment. 

[Ju****]

6 hours ago, The_Loreley said:

I’m going to give my honest critic of your profile in terms of what may be a cause of this.

The views on gender roles and your age is a major turn off probably for most of the women, and the two photos provided aren’t the most flattering no matter what looks you have it’s just the enviroment it’s taken in that isn’t good due to the first photo being a public bathroom in poor lighting with a slightly poor fitting suit that is badly buttoned (the top and middle button should be buttoned rather than only the top or with two buttons usually it’s accepted to button both in etiquette). While I love the Smiths shirt in your second photo the cluttered background and the angle do you more harm than justice. The shirt not being flat and readable also is a detriment. Rather than taking them on a phone sometimes hiring a photographer or a friend who knows how to do photography to at least hold your phone for you as you pose in proper lighting and attire would make your profile a lot more attractive, as well as another tougher recommendation with how you present your views to yourself and others where you play out the more chauvinistic dated gender roles in the bedroom and contain them to that alone. While I can’t ask you to change your core opinions and being for a dating app I think being more open to different power dynamics would improve your chances of finding someone who fits your parameters and is into you.

I like most aspects of this comment. 

 

I must admit I didn't comment on it before because I am one of the people who actually reads a bio first.. besides the initial pfp (which let's face it, is the pull in). 

If I am suited or Okay with their bio I then do my picture perving. I don't waste my time checking pics if it is someone who's a complete mismatch. 

 

I agree on the photo quality. It's important. As is photo backgrounds. Women of all statures do look at these things. 

The fact he states in his Ad about the "clothes fitting according to body type" and yet his own clothes are not pristine. Nothing wrong with them, but not to the standard I believe him to expect off a lady he's seeking. 

If someone has blurry photos or the same one from a different angle, or ones up without anything to give away who they are, or what they're about, I do click off. 

 

[Ju****]

6 hours ago, 1GiantDaddy said:

Thank You for your honesty, and taking time to chime in, I don't feel toxic and I don't want to push an agenda, the whole 1950's dynamic is a kink and one that I enjoy. If I came across as sexist or toxic, do you have any suggestions as to how I could rephrase things so that they would be more palatable to the masses? I posted this thread with a genuine desire to learn and improve.

Oh I don't by any means mean You are toxic, but growing up around that mindset and belief, those roles being imposed around me. I have very little nice to say about it. 

But, you left it at a very broad and vague comment. 

What about those roles is it that you believe in?? How do you feel you are old fashioned? 

If it is too much to include into a bio, where you are over explaining yourself, it's maybe best not included there but discussed in a private DM with someone you've connected with. 

 

I sadly do not have any suggestions on how you can rephrase. Another way I think if, it's not for me. How am I, or anyone else, to tell you how to fill out your profile, what's right and wrong?!

Only you can decide that. I have simply told you upon reading what I have, where and when and why I would have clicked off. 

 

You say in the Ad... "make up and perfume is a must". I do not personally wear make up. At all. Besides my photos here, which are compromised of eye shadow and liner, lipstick. That's it. 

So if a man says "you must wear this". That would be changing me. I don't wear it. Will you buy it for me? make me physically put it on. Make me change my appearance slightly, and how I look and feel day by day. Potentially ruin my skin (which I am proud of tbh). I would be sitting thinking and feeling "am I ugly if I don't have make up on?".

This is one small example. Even if I was next door to you, our kinks aligned and attraction was there, the fact make up is a "must", I would not approach you. 

It's expensive. And besides dying my hair, I am me as I am. I only dress up and apply make up for the bedroom. I don't do fakery (besides my hair). **Sorry if I have offended anyone with this comment**.

 

The way you've detailed this and the proper fitting clothes, (again from my perspective), I am a large person, I've a mummy tummy, lumps and bumps, cellulite and a fat ass. I find it very hard some times to find clothes that comfortably fit my bigger bits without looking silly on my slimmer bits. I would constantly be self conscious on what I was wearing, and how I looked, should I be dating you (based off your profile). This is rooted from my own anxities and insecurites and somewhere along the line I would become obsessive worrying about myself and my attraction and appearance, that it would become toxic for me. 

 

However, This is NOT a reflection on you. You are entitled to your needs, wants, desires, what attracts you etc. That's what you like and enjoy which is why I stated earlier, it's no ones business to tell you you're wrong. 

But for an evolving world, a lot of young people/women on here seeking things, they may have insecurities, be finding their feet or not know what they're doing yet. And can mix in with someone who wants to mould them to their ideal (not saying You are doing this, but people in general). And it can sour the whole thing. They also don't understand the deeper rooted 50s and 60s and housewife kind of kink and play or even lifestyle. As sorry to say, it's a very long time ago now! haha. 

Some however are ok with it. With being told what to wear, how and when. But I agree with comments from before, The more specific you are, the narrower your options (believe me I'm in the same boat with this!). 

I think just saying what you're about. Hobbies, interests, what side of the slash of kink (if applicable) that you are, what you hope to find  (for example, someone keen on a male led relationship with a 50s theme). This is much better and specific than "i am old fashioned in the roles of men and women" because the world is trying to shake these roles and views, break the norm and it can get peoples backs up very fast. 

(I'm sorry if this post has at all gone off topic, seemed accusatory or confrontational. I am merely giving MY personal view on how I have read it and hope you can find constructive means to change it without changing You). 

 

[li****]

Lower your standards and expectations

[AKA_Copper]

I was going to say my view is subjected but scrolling through the comments I see that Char and Jen have written similar to what I'm about to
I'll never apply to be someones sub etc. I'm after a relationship first and foremost
Religion may be important to you, if it is say that but your add seems to be a checklist of what you want and that'll never work because no one will ever tick all your boxes
If you have trad views on fe/male roles and that means HoH/1950's say it. You're only currently making suggestion to it.
Statements such as i own a big house and can accomodate. Most wont care what you own. Saying you can accomodate reads to me that its hook ups only

Other than that it'll be about what youre writing in messages and the fact that there are more females than males here

[Deleted Member]

6 hours ago, Jasoninmesa said:

Nobody takes you seriously and your ego and blatant narcissism is a clown carnival. Cringe

You are 40 and unattractive, I guarantee that people take me more seriously than you . Thank you for diagnosing me with narcissism

[Deleted Member]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with your appearance, your 50's kink, or your profile. Not everyone will be attracted, but you are looking for "the one". Lower your expectations, best to ground level. The lower the better. On profiles you can see the ratio of messages received and sent, and believe me, a very small majority just achieves the low qualification, and a few medium. So, no worries

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, adoreSally said:

You are 40 and unattractive, I guarantee that people take me more seriously than you . Thank you for diagnosing me with narcissism

🤡🤡🤡👌🏿

[Ceejayuk]

8 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

1) You can do everything seemingly right and not get any response

2) Even if your profile looks fine, it's difficult for people to know what you're doing wrong/right if they can't see the messages or who you are messaging

3) If some people think your profile or ad is sexist - then it is going to alienate a lot of people.  However if you want a partner with a certain dynamic in mind then that's... well... that's with you.   The people not responding likely don't want that dynamic. It's good they didn't respond, you'd be wasting both of your time.

4) Being new can be difficult cos a lot of the women who get messages think "oh look, here's another guy who just signed up and is messaging all the women with his ***tergun how original" (or words to that effect) so time and patience is a must

5) Never underestimate a passive connection.  So online that if there's someone you're often agreeing with or interacting with on the forum or in chat then when you message them you might already have rapport

6) Diversify approach.  As well as being online I go to munches and events.  It's a good way to both meet lots of people and enrich your knowledge. In turn this means you have more to contribute in discussions which gets you noticed more

 

I was about to post bascially the same thing

@op at the end of the day as above, things can just seemingly not go right. I have had periods where I have not had much activity happen, then periods where I have. Its just the way it is. You just have to not take it personally, keep trying and simply be patient, as frustrating as that may be.

[Deleted Member]

Don't trip bro you know your value not some girl you got it man🤘

[Ne****]

It’s difficult to be *** with someone when the expectation is hair, make up, perfume, etc from the get go and all the time. I wouldn’t interact, because all of that is window dressing. I want my trusted partners to accept me in sweats and a messy bun, too.

[St****]

Hello. I just want to make some comments on your ad please.
First off I’ve read some of the previous comments but not all of them and you state that you are looking for ways to change the things we see wrong.
1. So for your ad I would start by changing the into and title. Someone is not applying for a job you are trying to start a relationship. Yes I realize that you are a Dom which makes you the “Boss” but a Sub is also involved in the choosing of a partner you are not the only person getting to make the final decision
2. Are you looking for multiple people or only one? I would be more specific in your wording. If you are looking for a single person I would not use plurals.
3. I understand the reason behind the hygiene comment. In reality that is what most people want. And in your main profile picture you support your request with the exception of it being taken in a restroom. But your second picture does not convey the same respect.
4.I’m glad that you wouldn’t jump right into anything without meetings and discussions. But I would suggest rewording that section more along the lines for wanting a more long term relationship and getting to know each other before interacting in scenarios.
5. Submission and Dominance are both earned. Maybe it would sound better if you asked them to please not use a moniker until you have gotten to know one another better.
Your s***ch patterns are very dominant sounding. Which during a scene are amazing but are often off putting to strangers. Especially women and submissives. They make you sound like there is no room for conversation or that you don’t care.
Now in your responses to others in these comments you use a different way of speaking which is more comfortable and approachable. You might try rewriting your bio and ad as if you were telling a friend what you would like. I hope this helps.
Good luck in your search!

[1G****]

2 hours ago, NewMoonRising said:

It’s difficult to be *** with someone when the expectation is hair, make up, perfume, etc from the get go and all the time. I wouldn’t interact, because all of that is window dressing. I want my trusted partners to accept me in sweats and a messy bun, too.

I agree with you for the most part, but is that the first impression you would like to leave someone with?

[Deleted Member]

Patience, restraint, manners, timing.
Be patient, the right one will come, you will have hundreds of disappointments before you have success.
Show restraint, watch what you say, weigh your words carefully and don’t be thirsty.
Have some manners, if you are a DOM looking for a SUB that does not mean you have to be rude in your initial conversation or ever, if you want her trust, show her that you are trust worthy before you show her your “talent”.
When the opportunity comes, there is timing to show restraint, time to show your manners, and time to show your personal character of your role.
Don’t pressure for a response, and don’t *** your responses.
If you made a good impression, they will be back, sooner or later.

[Deleted Member]

16 hours ago, Stringlady13 said:

Hello. I just want to make some comments on your ad please.
First off I’ve read some of the previous comments but not all of them and you state that you are looking for ways to change the things we see wrong.
1. So for your ad I would start by changing the into and title. Someone is not applying for a job you are trying to start a relationship. Yes I realize that you are a Dom which makes you the “Boss” but a Sub is also involved in the choosing of a partner you are not the only person getting to make the final decision
2. Are you looking for multiple people or only one? I would be more specific in your wording. If you are looking for a single person I would not use plurals.
3. I understand the reason behind the hygiene comment. In reality that is what most people want. And in your main profile picture you support your request with the exception of it being taken in a restroom. But your second picture does not convey the same respect.
4.I’m glad that you wouldn’t jump right into anything without meetings and discussions. But I would suggest rewording that section more along the lines for wanting a more long term relationship and getting to know each other before interacting in scenarios.
5. Submission and Dominance are both earned. Maybe it would sound better if you asked them to please not use a moniker until you have gotten to know one another better.
Your s***ch patterns are very dominant sounding. Which during a scene are amazing but are often off putting to strangers. Especially women and submissives. They make you sound like there is no room for conversation or that you don’t care.
Now in your responses to others in these comments you use a different way of speaking which is more comfortable and approachable. You might try rewriting your bio and ad as if you were telling a friend what you would like. I hope this helps.
Good luck in your search!

Straight up rewrote my whole bio after reading this!

[St****]

41 minutes ago, Cornwa11 said:

Straight up rewrote my whole bio after reading this!

Thank you! I hope it helps!

[St****]

43 minutes ago, Cornwa11 said:

Straight up rewrote my whole bio after reading this!

It looks very nice!

[RayneBloBrite]

On 5/26/2022 at 2:36 PM, 1GiantDaddy said:

I agree with you for the most part, but is that the first impression you would like to leave someone with?

I dont believe NewMoonRising was speaking of first impressions; only of the importance of having space, acceptance and trust within a relationship. The freedom and comfort to feel as though your partner will not reject you if you are not "On", or "in your role", 24/7, an impossible task for anyone in the long run, and not a true relationship for either party. I believe they were only speaking to the fact that your profile/ad came across as expecting the person filling that role, with all its trappings, to be perfect at all times. 

Not saying this is what you meant, just how it could be percieved, especially by those who might otherwise Find You Intresting! Hope this helps! I've been following this thread and working on a comment of my own, but I agree with most of the good advice already here, and wish you the best of luck!

[RayneBloBrite]

There IS one other thing I'd like to share that has been on my mind since the beginning of this thread:

 

Slightly disagree with RopesAndBallgag, even though after rereading his comment I see where he is coming from. To post on a forum for understanding and support does not have to be "crying" for help. Neither should we shame ANYONE who does, no matter what side of the slash they fall on. If we cannot come to our Community, our People, our Friends with our doubts, worries and problems, then who? If we do not support Each Other, then we All Lose. *mini rant over* 

[ey****]

6 hours ago, RayneBloBrite said:

Slightly disagree with RopesAndBallgag, even though after rereading his comment I see where he is coming from. To post on a forum for understanding and support does not have to be "crying" for help. Neither should we shame ANYONE who does, no matter what side of the slash they fall on. If we cannot come to our Community, our People, our Friends with our doubts, worries and problems, then who? If we do not support Each Other, then we All Lose. *mini rant over* 

I agree massively.

It is always good to seek independent advice (i.e. asking on the forum) of course there may well be a mixture of different results and opinions - sure - but the person can then take on board what they feel is a consensus or accept is a room to improve.  Or not.  

I think I would rather see someone asking for advice, than the kinda whiny "everyone is fake" type posts for sure.