Not kink specific

[xm****]

How do you get over (properly heal) from being cheated on or left for someone else?

Majority of my relationships have resulted in one or both my entire life…and I know I’ve never properly healed from at least a third of them….

I know part of the problem is that I stopped loving myself somewhere along my life, and haven’t figured out how to fix that either…sometimes I wonder if I ever really did (post puberty at least)

That’s not even counting in the forms of *** and other toxic scenarios I’ve dealt with my whole life…

[Deleted Member]

Honestly you just got to think that not everyone is like that and one day you will find the right person 😊

[Deleted Member]

It’s easier said than done, but I’ve begun putting myself over everyone else. No matter how much I care for someone. If I keep myself on a higher pedestal than them, I won’t be let down if they do wrong.

[sa****]

Well you don't really every get over it. At least not in my experience. But you do learn from them even if you're more closed off than before. The best way that I can advise is to find someone you trust and build a relationship with them, since you're a sub it'll be harder to open yourself up and give into that trust but you'll love it even more when you do. Granted this is from the perspective of a DD.

[cu****]

The first step is realizing that people do things because of them, not because of you. It sounds absurd but people cheat or leave because they aren't happy. It doesn't mean you are insufficient, just not what they want. It's so hard not to take things personally but would you really want to live an entire life trying to be something you are not, just to please someone? It would be exhausting and useless. Be authentic with yourself, good and bad and have zero expectations. Say exactly what you want, what you need. It's against most people's nature but you have to do it. They owe you nothing and have no responsibility to honor your request. You have no responsibility to honor your partners requests. As long as both of you WANT to, things will work out.

[Sq****]

From experience~
You’ll need to take a step back and realize that you were not at fault for whats happened to you.
I’d recommend taking some time to get to know yourself more. Learn what makes you happy ( hobbies, food, beautiful sights, ect. )
It may be scary, but do things like take yourself to breakfast/lunch/dinner and just enjoy your own company.
I also highly recommend hot tea and yoga right when you wake up. To give you peace of mind.
Remember it will take some time to fully heal <3

[Pl****]

Disclaimer: I've never been cheated on.

That said, I don't think it would be a particularly big deal for me if I were. My stance has always been that if someone is going to cheat on me, I want them to. I don't have a cuckold kink or anything, but while it seems like a bad deal, (1) I always want my partner to be happy, and if they're happier with someone else (unlikely as it might be), then more power to them, and (2) I've also gained the knowledge that they are not the person I thought they were, and that we are not as compatible as I thought. Armed with that knowledge, I can feel free to end things and pursue more worthwhile partners.

As this is a fairly cold and rational take, I don't necessarily expect it will land well with everyone, because emotions are a thing, but there are lots of times in life where you experience addition by subtraction. Lots of people struggle to realize the thing they originally wanted and were afraid to lose was only holding them back and dragging them down. Let them go and focus on you. The best revenge is to live well.

[Deleted Member]

It’s different for everyone. For me it was waking up one day and realizing that nothing will change the past so worry about it anymore. Do I still think about it happening again? Every time I find someone attractive. Do I let it bother me or stop me? No, I have since forgiven said aggressor. It was their weakness that caused my ***. Don’t let someone else’s mistake ruin your trust in other people.

[ca****]

So many people get into relationships for what they can get out of it. This works only for a while because people change. Maybe today you don't provide what you did when you first got together. Or maybe you still do, but they've grown and don't need that anymore. The secret to a long lasting relationship can be found in the song "Something That We Do" by Clint Black and an understanding of the happiness chemicals. You can't make someone happy, or angry, or frustrated, etc. And no one can make you happy, or angry, or frustrated, etc. Happiness comes from being or service to others. This makes you happy, as this behavior releases Seratonin and Oxytocin. If you find someone that makes themselves happy by giving to you, and you make yourself happy by giving to them, then you have a relationship that will last. The social media culture has taught us the wrong lesson. It's made most people selfish and self-serving. If you want to see a great talk on the subject, search YouTube for Michael Jr Ted talk. It's only 20 minutes but it will change your life. I could go on and on. Ping me if you want to learn more.

[Deleted Member]

35 minutes ago, Pleasurecalculus said:

Disclaimer: I've never been cheated on.

That said, I don't think it would be a particularly big deal for me if I were. My stance has always been that if someone is going to cheat on me, I want them to. I don't have a cuckold kink or anything, but while it seems like a bad deal, (1) I always want my partner to be happy, and if they're happier with someone else (unlikely as it might be), then more power to them, and (2) I've also gained the knowledge that they are not the person I thought they were, and that we are not as compatible as I thought. Armed with that knowledge, I can feel free to end things and pursue more worthwhile partners.

As this is a fairly cold and rational take, I don't necessarily expect it will land well with everyone, because emotions are a thing, but there are lots of times in life where you experience addition by subtraction. Lots of people struggle to realize the thing they originally wanted and were afraid to lose was only holding them back and dragging them down. Let them go and focus on you. The best revenge is to live well.

Quite possibly the most egotistical near sighted shamefully cathartic, in this context unsolicited or at the very least misguided, statement ever offered. I'd say God help you if this were to ever befall you but you wouldn't believe it if it did and you're your own god. Not trying to be nasty, just my humble opinion after losing my wife of 18 years. 3 kids, 9 fosters and lots of lovely memories and lots of animosity and unforgivness plagues my soul. And I don't feel free, want to pursue, feel worthwhile but most certainly feel your cold and immature yet rationally billshit take.

[Deleted Member]

If you were to ask me... you don't. It just hurts a little less each and every day that passes. And you think less of what was and what could have been until you forget. And this all continues until you hear a story or listen to a song that reminds you of something lost. Morbid, yes. However coming from someone who's always averaged about 5 friends at a given time, it just makes the world feel like a lonely place to exist.

[Deleted Member]

If you don’t love/like yourself you bend over backwards for “him/her” to fill that void.
Allow people in your life who compliment it……not complicate it…….Matty

[gr****]

Frankly, you dont get over it. Too much history is there to EVER be free of.

Trick is...if you ever get serious, I mean really serious with another, always keep in mind that they are your life now.

Another already said it - you're not going to forget the past, you wont forget the hurt or anything else.

The only thing that matters is not letting the past and the *** and all the shit from it define who you are going forward.

Life doesnt give a flying fuck about your past, present or future.

Move forward. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, patch up the wounds as best you can and show those who went before you're stronger and better and happier and indulging in what Life has to offer.

Let them wallow.

You're better!

[1G****]

I'm in the same boat, but I have learned that I cannot change them and revenge isn't going to happen. The best revenge is living well...level up your life! Get that better job! Get that better place! Look and feel your best. If you allowed yourself to sink into the pit of despair then they have won. Let them look you up online a year from now and see how happy, successful and great looking you are and let them feel that despair instead.

[MR****]

Humans make terrible mistakes/choices throughout their lives (myself included). Forgive & learn from it. Set boundaries for yourself and others. Be clear with your communication and demand it from others. Everything in life is a choice. Choose happiness in spite of the heartache you’ve survived. I know how it feels and I know what I am talking about. Positive energy coming your way! 🌻

[Deleted Member]

My wife left after 28 year marriage . That was 4 1/2 years ago and i'm still healing it takes

[Deleted Member]

It takes time to heal and move on. There was nobody else as far as i know and don't think she cheated but not really sure doesn't matter now. I do know who i am i never cheated but never got the love i felt i deserved either. Feel like i should have cheated and lived a selfish life for me because i feel really screwed. Now i am 56 years old alone seems nobody cares or is interested. Want the best for her think i would still give my life for her but i gave too much already .Now i am free from a cold unloving woman who never cared about me what i wanted liked or needed . Tired of being used but still want a good woman and won't except anything less than true love or i will stay alone.

[fl****]

I've only been In two long term relationships from 18 to 38. An I've learned you can provide, be the best at all categories. But whats gonna happen. Pose to happen. An from my experience. It will always stay with you. But time . TIME heals all wounds. Before you know it. You will be glad it went the way it did. Of course. You cant see the reason right now. But trust when i tell you. You eventually will be thankful it went the way it did. . Let time do its thing. You keep moving. An don't let old wounds bleed on to the next situation you have. Because its not the new situations fault. U got this 💯🍻

[Deleted Member]

I’m dealing with this right now. The best thing I can tell you is that you can isolate the people who actually love you for who you are from those who love you for the time being, ie, when you stop doing the most for them or putting them before you, when you aren’t able to show up for them cause you need to focus on you…then their true feelings for you will reveal themself

Just focus on mental, physical and spiritual fitness. Strive to achieve new levels of clarity, focus, strength, these will all add back into your confidence and help you move forward. Rn you’re hearts probably hurting and your emotions are high. Take some time to think about the fact that it is never about you, and people thinking the grass is greener on the other side, we’ll let them leave, focus on you, grow and become better and better, and eventually they’ll come back around. They always do.

[Bi****]

The trauma can't win though, mimirose. For me, I like to find someone that I'm attracted to, for some sexual intimacy reassurance. It's really the most efficient and effective way to get over the ***, suffering, and grief. The more love you find, the smaller the symptoms will be, and I have lots of ove for lots of people...unconditional love for some.

Jack

[Sa****]

Just got to keep on going...time and distancr with help the hurt feelings fade. Immerse yourself in the things you are passionate about(hobbies and creative pursuits,good food, travel, etc). Do lots of exercise.This will give you the dopamine boost you need to start to feel happy again. Talk to someone to help process your feelings...but don't dwell on it excessively or you will just relive the feelings over and over. That can create a negative feedback loop.Its like picking at a wound constantly so it never heals.
Get back in the dating game. Realise that there are lots of people who find you attractive physically and mentally and that there are lots of people out there that you are attracted to. Its quite a confidence boost. Eventually you will realize that no one is that special or irreplacable. Learn to be alone and love your own company. Thats true power...

[br****]

same thing happened to me in my first ever relationship, she ended up sleeping with the drummer from my band and ultimately leaving me for him, I got over it over the course of a year or so if I remember correctly but the trauma never went away so now I have an unhealthy cuckold fetish 🙃

[J-****]

Read “The subtle art of not giving a f**k” by Mark Manson (available on Amazon). It will change your life.

[ad****]

I hold the firm belief that that is our divine purpose in life: to return to the wholeness and bliss we lost as we grew up. It's in the scriptures in the form of Adam and Eve. Perfect beings who fell from heaven. I believe working through our traumas and returning to wholeness is the whole purpose of life.

[Deleted Member]

First I want to give you a massive cwtch (Welsh for hug and a consensual one). Sorry you're hurting. Secondly therapy has helped me. Looking at the types of relationships, healing the reasons we seek them out and being kinder to ourselves. Check out some stuff on C.A.T it's really helpful.