All Hail The Rationality Of A New Sub

[AKA_Copper]

Sub frenzy turned me into a pot of bubbling hormones that exploded all over the ceiling 20 times a day. I couldn’t think my way out of my own kitchen, let alone through a healthy relationship. The only thing that had rental space in my head was my new guy

Well, him and  everything we had planned to do and oh god I’m going to melt into a lake of oxytocin and drown. I had the mental faculties of a toddler. It was delicious and debilitating all at once, but I was more interested in the tasty parts: More submission, more frenzy, more deliriousness…

And more
And
More
A
N
D
Mooooorrrree.

I threw away caution and focused on pushing towards new experiences. I was so addicted and elated I might as well have had a needle in my arm. All hail the rationality of a new sub.

I thought I owed a Dominant all my yes' and none of my no's. A lesser Dom will exploit you in that state. Guess how long it's taking me to get over that?

Figuring out who I am as a sub is taking me forever and ever, and I’m still not even halfway there. I work on it, though, because not knowing has got me into more trouble in D/s than any other failing. Self-awareness is the sharpest tool in you self-protection drawer. The trouble is if you're a sub, your own wants are probably your least favourite things to think about.

And if you're a sub, your own wants should be your most important priority.

That’s why people always tell new subs to take it slow. Dating in frenzy is like walking through Brixton wearing 19ct diamonds and carrying thousands of pounds worth of cash back in the day. Decent people won’t take advantage, but how do you know Bonnie and Clyde aren't hiding around the next corner ready to pounce? Even if you frequent the likes of Richmond?

BDSM is as complicated as quantum gravity. Some of the things we do can kill us. When surgeons want to perform potentially fatal procedures, they prepare. They make sure they have the right tools. They read 50 textbooks and speak to 60 professionals who know better than they do. They go through reams and reams of clinical trials and create complicated consent forms.

A person in sub frenzy mainly just goes, "I need to get laid now. Ooohhh, look, a squirrel!  Ohmigod I just need to get laid, yeah, let's do it whilst I'm suspended by a collar round my neck"

If you're not in sub frenzy, you can tell the difference between a surgeon and me. If you are in sub frenzy, you probably think I am a surgeon and hope I have a penis long enough to reach halfway across the world.

If all you can think is, “I need to get laid, I needtogetlaid, Oh my god I needtogetlaid,” maybe the last thing you need is to get laid.

[TheBookCollector]

Another great writting.

[Nicky898]

Great piece, definitely wise words , I totally understand it , caution is key , know yourself . I see it as like a kid in a sweet shop and you just want to try everything.

[Lo****]

Yep. Lucky for me my shiny, wonderful new Dom didn’t want to do any of the exciting, scary, subby things that I was desperate to experience … oh, wait. 

[Dl****]

Thank you cor your words of wisdom. My Mistress and I are working out all the kink (kinks) in our fetish relationship. I serve and protect with my life. I really enjoy our exploration of Fetlife. I read your words everyday. Thank you...

[Mo****]

Having a Dom who says no rush, we have plenty of time to try things, is absolutely infuriating when you just want to do ALL THE THINGS. But is absolutely the best thing too 🤣. Over a year on and the sub frenzy has settled, the steam has not run out and we still have plenty left to explore. Lucky one of us is sensible 😅

[ED****]

Super stuff its like a new relationship wanting it all now every day an that can spoil all, think once a week with a new lover then every 2 or 3 wks just to begin an engage properly and work around the menstrual cycles!

Any rushing will lead to overflow and remove the pleasure, the want, the needs already there& to come, patience and aftercare with thoughtful Pre-care, i call it, so frequency is important in the discussion to enable those higher levels of pleasure plateaus then ecstasy will follow in good time build build build for better outcomes, only my opinion!

Really enjoyed hearing this, a great learning tool for newcomers and all with less experience or not, i applaud the honesty and it shows great integrity from someone who will learn and go far in good time! Happy learning an plateaus makes for ecstasy!

[ShyToKink]

Very good point, one that hadn’t occurred to me at all. Glad I read 

[Is****]

And of course , sometimes the Dom can get caught up in that whirlwind of subby enthusiasm too .

And that is where a good Dom should be using their rationality and responsibility most . By slowing things down . Helping the new sub enjoy the journey . Prolonging the enjoyment but maximising the safety . It’s not all about finding the highest highs … it’s also about building stringer foundations to carry on in the longer term .