Sub frenzy and Sub drop.

[MissTakenDeep]

Since I’ve joined this site, I’ve learnt a lot. A great deal about BDSM in general, dynamics and certain fetishes, but also about my own kinks. What I like, what I don’t like, why I don’t like it..what kind of dynamic I want and which fantasies I’m more or less open to try. The thing that’s really confusing me, is distinguishing the difference between ‘sub frenzy’ and typical… I think I like this person excitement.. or the difference between ‘sub drop’ and the feelings of doubt or rejection? Most of my previous relationships have been quite toxic and as someone relatively new to the scene, I’m not sure how much is reasonable wariness.

[Tzagnasti]

I have met someone who suffered from sub drop but after a particularly intense session if you're into impact play in particular it seems that you get very worked up in the moment and the endorphins are created through the play give you a kind of high and when they all stop you come crashing down quite quickly and it can make you feel really depressed and upset if you have a caring Dom they will be with you and soothe you and and basically they will help you to understand that these feelings are normal and that everything is ok if you are dominant partner just walked away and leave you to get on with it it can feel really bad.

[MissTakenDeep]

11 minutes ago, Tzagnasti said:

I have met someone who suffered from sub drop but after a particularly intense session if you're into impact play in particular it seems that you get very worked up in the moment and the endorphins are created through the play give you a kind of high and when they all stop you come crashing down quite quickly and it can make you feel really depressed and upset if you have a caring Dom they will be with you and soothe you and and basically they will help you to understand that these feelings are normal and that everything is ok if you are dominant partner just walked away and leave you to get on with it it can feel really bad.

I understand that. Thankyou for your response, my question is perhaps a little vague…
What I meant, is that we can have these ‘frenzies’ and ‘drops’ after a vanilla sexual experience with the right or wrong partner… does the ‘sub drop’ specifically only happen after bdsm encounters or is it a normal part of doubts and vulnerability surfacing with the fear associated with ‘putting yourself out there’.. ie. Could it be misinterpreted as the usual doubts at the beginning of any relationship?

[Tzagnasti]

I am quite sure that there is a lot of crossover in what you say, it's just the in the BDSM world the effect that you are describing is much more pronounced and much more common... in the vanilla world it would just be merely described as as morning after regret.

[MissTakenDeep]

2 hours ago, Tzagnasti said:

I am quite sure that there is a lot of crossover in what you say, it's just the in the BDSM world the effect that you are describing is much more pronounced and much more common... in the vanilla world it would just be merely described as as morning after regret.

Thankyou, I find the terms quite confusing sometimes, although my previous relationships have all involved an element of kink, there hasn’t been an education on D/S dynamics from either myself or my partners so I considered it vanilla. I’ve learnt from being on here, and from your comment, that the problem is me subconsciously putting myself into a submissive position with partners that aren’t actually dominant or have any understanding of sub space & aftercare. Lots to reflect on. Thankyou for taking the time to comment!

[TheBookCollector]

Sub frenzy is really about finding a dom any dom without them being right for you. Usually limited to newer subs who want to jump in the deepend. Its used by predators who know that people with sub frenzy will miss red flags and be easier manipulated.

Sub drop is entirely different, its the effect of a persons body coming down from a high of endophines, adrenaline and other natural compunds that are released during play and at times is very line someone comind down of a drug induced high. However sub drop can be mitigated, using aftercare, and other methods to reduce the impact of play.

Also note there are Dom versions of these as well, especially Dom-drop but people talk about that less than sub drop.

[MissTakenDeep]

19 minutes ago, TheBookCollector said:

Sub frenzy is really about finding a dom any dom without them being right for you. Usually limited to newer subs who want to jump in the deepend. Its used by predators who know that people with sub frenzy will miss red flags and be easier manipulated.

Sub drop is entirely different, its the effect of a persons body coming down from a high of endophines, adrenaline and other natural compunds that are released during play and at times is very line someone comind down of a drug induced high. However sub drop can be mitigated, using aftercare, and other methods to reduce the impact of play.

Also note there are Dom versions of these as well, especially Dom-drop but people talk about that less than sub drop.

Thankyou, I appreciate your perspective. The sub frenzy I don’t worry too much about as I’m naturally mistrustful, the sub drop however, as I said above, I think I’ve struggled with this without realising what it was and I’m wondering if it’s part of my trust issues…having never received the correct aftercare in the past, I’m extremely wary about new sexual partners and trying to figure out the best way through that currently.

[Cimky]

3 hours ago, MissTakenDeep said:

Thankyou, I appreciate your perspective. The sub frenzy I don’t worry too much about as I’m naturally mistrustful, the sub drop however, as I said above, I think I’ve struggled with this without realising what it was and I’m wondering if it’s part of my trust issues…having never received the correct aftercare in the past, I’m extremely wary about new sexual partners and trying to figure out the best way through that currently.

Being submissive or dominant is as part of who you are as the color of your eyes. With that in mind even while you have not yet been aware of it you would have find ways to submit in one way or the other. So yes you could have very easily been going through a sub drop like experience but keeping your distrustful nature (might that be because of past trauma or simply your personality) in mind, you will come down hard on yourself if the relationship fails even if you are not at fault you would hold yourself at a too high standard and then feels exstra down because you feel you have let yourself down

[CopperKnob]

I think for me, the difference between sub frenzy and the normal, 'I really really like this person' is...
Where we are are so very blinded by the potential relationship/dynamic/all the things we'll get to do where it distracts from regular life and the only thing you can focus on is them/the dynamic
Yeah, I've been excited and distracted by new relationships in the past but this was off the scale, it was ridiculous and i'm embarassed by it/how it affected me (so i'll not give examples here) because, i'm also really sceptical and untrusting of others and I know i'd never have been like that if it was a vanilla situation because i never have been

[Deleted Member]

Thank you copper, 

It is god to hear you describe some of the feeling I had in a bad experience.   I could feel your words and they are a lot how I felt.  Thank you for being open it helped me.  

[MissTakenDeep]

Thankyou to everyone for sharing your experiences and insight, I really do appreciate it. It’s been a massive learning curve over the last 18mths, figuring out how my kinks have effected my relationships subconsciously and understanding my needs more. The reassurance and understanding of those with a little more experience really helps. Thankyou.

[Jinxy]

On 4/13/2022 at 3:46 AM, MissTakenDeep said:

I understand that. Thankyou for your response, my question is perhaps a little vague…
What I meant, is that we can have these ‘frenzies’ and ‘drops’ after a vanilla sexual experience with the right or wrong partner… does the ‘sub drop’ specifically only happen after bdsm encounters or is it a normal part of doubts and vulnerability surfacing with the fear associated with ‘putting yourself out there’.. ie. Could it be misinterpreted as the usual doubts at the beginning of any relationship?

I get a pretty bad drop sometimes even with vanilla sexual encounters, including experiences that I have quite enjoyed and felt confident about. So to your question... It’s not limited to BDSM. It’s the same chemicals in the brain being heightened and then dropping for both BDSM and vanilla experiences. The brain doesn’t make a distinction between activities as either BDSM or vanilla, it just processes the stimuli and then reacts. I think why it’s more talked about and stressed in the BDSM community, is due to the ability to get to higher highs, and therefore more severe drops, with some of the kinks. 
 

I’d also say that, you’re right... self-doubt and feelings of vulnerability can sometimes go hand in hand with a drop. I tend to look at it from a “what came first” perspective to help clarify for myself what’s going on. If the self-doubt and vulnerability came on first and then spiraled downward into a low place, I, personally, wouldn’t consider that a drop. If the “out of it” feeling of the drop is already there and the other doubts creep in, then I’d probably consider it related to the drop feelings. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what you call it though as long as you’re taking care of yourself in the moment when those feelings come on. And if you’re reaching out to your dominant and asking for what you need to help with these feelings and they aren’t doing so, then yeah... I think it’s reasonable to feel rejected and smart to be wary. 
 

Also, last thing... sex as well as BDSM are really vulnerable experiences. Sometimes having a past trauma can lead to a shame cycle after a session which may involve feelings of shame, guilt, and self-doubt for putting ourselves in that position of vulnerability again. This could also feel similar to a drop. 

 

Well then, those are my ramblings for the day! Hope something in there helps!

Jinx

Edited April 15, 2022 by Jinxy

[Deleted Member]

9 hours ago, Jinxy said:

I get a pretty bad drop sometimes even with vanilla sexual encounters, including experiences that I have quite enjoyed and felt confident about. So to your question... It’s not limited to BDSM. It’s the same chemicals in the brain being heightened and then dropping for both BDSM and vanilla experiences. The brain doesn’t make a distinction between activities as either BDSM or vanilla, it just processes the stimuli and then reacts. I think why it’s more talked about and stressed in the BDSM community, is due to the ability to get to higher highs, and therefore more severe drops, with some of the kinks. 
 

I’d also say that, you’re right... self-doubt and feelings of vulnerability can sometimes go hand in hand with a drop. I tend to look at it from a “what came first” perspective to help clarify for myself what’s going on. If the self-doubt and vulnerability came on first and then spiraled downward into a low place, I, personally, wouldn’t consider that a drop. If the “out of it” feeling of the drop is already there and the other doubts creep in, then I’d probably consider it related to the drop feelings. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what you call it though as long as you’re taking care of yourself in the moment when those feelings come on. And if you’re reaching out to your dominant and asking for what you need to help with these feelings and they aren’t doing so, then yeah... I think it’s reasonable to feel rejected and smart to be wary. 
 

Also, last thing... sex as well as BDSM are really vulnerable experiences. Sometimes having a past trauma can lead to a shame cycle after a session which may involve feelings of shame, guilt, and self-doubt for putting ourselves in that position of vulnerability again. This could also feel similar to a drop. 

 

Well then, those are my ramblings for the day! Hope something in there helps!

Jinx

Thank you Jinx, 

This helped out a lot as I am trying to figure out the feelings around the drop and also why I seem to go into subspace so easily.  You description of this in vanilla really made sense to me.  I have always been a sensual lover that enjoys pleasing so your thought helped me put things together.  It is however very intense when I submit and role play.  It seems the vulnerability is so much higher.  Its more than I expected and my first three experiences where not the best.  I did feel totally rejected in two of the experiences.   I also liked your connection about self doubt and it will help me understand my own feelings as well as future partners.   There is so much that needs to be learned about being Dominant and nurturing.  Thank you for your post.  

 

[MissTakenDeep]

Yesterday at 07:37 AM, Jinxy said:

I get a pretty bad drop sometimes even with vanilla sexual encounters, including experiences that I have quite enjoyed and felt confident about. So to your question... It’s not limited to BDSM. It’s the same chemicals in the brain being heightened and then dropping for both BDSM and vanilla experiences. The brain doesn’t make a distinction between activities as either BDSM or vanilla, it just processes the stimuli and then reacts. I think why it’s more talked about and stressed in the BDSM community, is due to the ability to get to higher highs, and therefore more severe drops, with some of the kinks. 
 

I’d also say that, you’re right... self-doubt and feelings of vulnerability can sometimes go hand in hand with a drop. I tend to look at it from a “what came first” perspective to help clarify for myself what’s going on. If the self-doubt and vulnerability came on first and then spiraled downward into a low place, I, personally, wouldn’t consider that a drop. If the “out of it” feeling of the drop is already there and the other doubts creep in, then I’d probably consider it related to the drop feelings. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what you call it though as long as you’re taking care of yourself in the moment when those feelings come on. And if you’re reaching out to your dominant and asking for what you need to help with these feelings and they aren’t doing so, then yeah... I think it’s reasonable to feel rejected and smart to be wary. 
 

Also, last thing... sex as well as BDSM are really vulnerable experiences. Sometimes having a past trauma can lead to a shame cycle after a session which may involve feelings of shame, guilt, and self-doubt for putting ourselves in that position of vulnerability again. This could also feel similar to a drop. 

 

Well then, those are my ramblings for the day! Hope something in there helps!

Jinx

This REALLY helps 💙 Thank you for your very eloquent ramble.. it makes a lot of sense. Especially the previous trauma part.