Male and Female sexuality and differences

[Deleted Member]

A topic no one ever seems to talk about, to spite the abundant complaining and misunderstanding is that of the differences between Male and Female sexuality. While I am certain like most our other drives its on a spectrum, but there is normal curve and what's most common with this stuff. Poking around and reading research articles its like sexual differences between the sexes is marginal yet there are some pretty key differences in how they go about it.

To borrow from a doctors summery answering the question somewhere else...

"For most men, all it takes is a little visual stimulation to get in the mood for sex. That's why men are the predominant consumers of porn and why something like Viagra works so well for men, but not for women. Men are more easily aroused.

Female sexuality is a little more complex. In fact, one of the main differences between male and female sexuality is that guys don't need to feel emotionally connected to the person they're having sex with in order to want to have sex. There's actually scientific research to support the observation that women tend to feel sexual desire towards those men for whom they feel an emotional connection.

Scientific evidence shows that the key for women to reach the heights of orgasmic bliss is a deep sense of relaxation and a lack of anxiety. Researchers at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands scanned the brains of 13 women and 11 men while they were manually stimulated
to orgasm by their partners. The scans showed that, for women, the parts of the brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety, and emotion slowed down the more aroused they became, producing a trance-like state at orgasm. Men showed far less change in these areas of the brain, suggesting that women need to relax to become aroused, while men don't. Other studies have found that women tend to fantasize more than men during sex, which also helps them escape reality and "turn off" their brains.

Those aren't the only differences between men and women. All men have a point of what we call "ejaculatory inevitability" during sex when they can't hold back from an orgasm, no matter what. And all men have an "ejaculatory threshold," which is the amount of stimulation they can experience before reaching this "point of no return." Women, on the other hand, don't experience ejaculatory inevitability -- she can "lose" an orgasm even as it's happening. There are pros and cons to both situations: Sure, it's tougher for some women to climax, especially if they're distracted. On the other hand, women are able to enjoy multiple orgasms and have rarely been accused of coming "too fast." Orgasmic bliss is more of a sure thing for guys, but it's got its own downside: It's easy for some men to pass that point of ejaculatory inevitability sooner than they -- and their partners -- would like. That's called premature ejaculation." 

It's something I think about every time I see Men whining about how its sooooo hard online and resort to playing a numbers game messaging every woman's profile about how they think they are (physically) attractive, or the sex acts they would like to perform with them, the pathological fixation with sending or getting picture's of the body. The same sort of thinking and behavior I see manifest in real life when dudes just cant chill drink their fucking beer and basically stalk and fixate on who ever stokes their desire visually.

Or when women complain because that agenda and fixation just gets gross or in the way of forming any real connection or intimacy that would cultivate a interest in letting them bring them to orgasim to begin with. Men talk like they got no vocabulary, or quickly go into the agenda of how hard they would like to bone you and wonder why they get treated like creeps.

The more I dig on the literature on the subject the more I am convinced their is a sex based biological premise for these norms. Maybe its easy to just misinterpret things, hey I think your physically attractive is the best dudes default in expressing a desire or chance to cultivate intimacy, and chicks are not being cold  or harshly rejecting the offer when they grossed out by your presenting a bid or agenda for her body without even being invited or welcome.

I dont know I just always see the same crap, and the same behavior and the same complaints the second the mating game becomes a issue. I wonder if everyone is always as awful as they seem or if maybe in terms of sexuality everyone is just playing by separate sets of rules and expectations unconsciously.  

[JA****]

This was a great read, I really enjoyed it. If you've got links to the research I'd love to read them. From my own personal experience as a bi-woman there does seem to be a very different approach between men and women when it comes to the pursuit of women. Women tend to tread more carefully with their seduction. Putting the feelers out so to speak (probably because we know what it feels like to jump into the China shop running). I agree that most women including myself look for a 'connection' but sometimes I wonder if that's more a biological area of needing the reassurance of safety.
I know women, including myself who have indulged in one night stands so to me that screams chemistry more than connection. Long term though, connection is definitely where it's at or it soon fizzles. With men I think a lot of it is down to emotional maturity. There are men that know not to run in all guns blazing and take time for convo and there are some (a lot) the opposite, where it feels like they're messaging you mid wank and that's where the sleaze feel comes in lmao. That would very neatly tie in to the research of a woman needing to feel relaxed to be aroused. Its hard to be relaxed when a random person you've never met has never messaged you before and suddenly messages about how he'd destroy your asshole without even the courtesy of lubing you up via convo lol. Just my 2 cents worth. 🤣

[Char__]

Interesting stuff. One thing that defo resonated with my experience on this and other sites was the part where men frequently will (after the appropriate "get your foot in the door" period has elapsed) segue into the stuff they'd like to do to me. Super disappointing when you've been having an interesting convo about ideas of BDSM or whatever and their next message is "God, your tits. I'd like to come all over them!" They think they're moving the conversation in the direction they want to go, in actuality they had me interested, but they've just killed it dead.

[Deleted Member]

Very nicely written I enjoyed reading this as well. So for me, as a man, I have always disliked the behavior that many men posess, I stray away from being so gross.. thinking only about sex instead of an emotional connection. Where I need both, I focus on the mind and soul, me personally I'd connect with a woman on a mental level before a phyisical one

[Je****]

7 hours ago, MeowMowMeow said:

A topic no one ever seems to talk about, to spite the abundant complaining and misunderstanding is that of the differences between Male and Female sexuality. While I am certain like most our other drives its on a spectrum, but there is normal curve and what's most common with this stuff. Poking around and reading research articles its like sexual differences between the sexes is marginal yet there are some pretty key differences in how they go about it.

To borrow from a doctors summery answering the question somewhere else...

"For most men, all it takes is a little visual stimulation to get in the mood for sex. That's why men are the predominant consumers of porn and why something like Viagra works so well for men, but not for women. Men are more easily aroused.

Female sexuality is a little more complex. In fact, one of the main differences between male and female sexuality is that guys don't need to feel emotionally connected to the person they're having sex with in order to want to have sex. There's actually scientific research to support the observation that women tend to feel sexual desire towards those men for whom they feel an emotional connection.

Scientific evidence shows that the key for women to reach the heights of orgasmic bliss is a deep sense of relaxation and a lack of anxiety. Researchers at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands scanned the brains of 13 women and 11 men while they were manually stimulated
to orgasm by their partners. The scans showed that, for women, the parts of the brain responsible for processing fear, anxiety, and emotion slowed down the more aroused they became, producing a trance-like state at orgasm. Men showed far less change in these areas of the brain, suggesting that women need to relax to become aroused, while men don't. Other studies have found that women tend to fantasize more than men during sex, which also helps them escape reality and "turn off" their brains.

Those aren't the only differences between men and women. All men have a point of what we call "ejaculatory inevitability" during sex when they can't hold back from an orgasm, no matter what. And all men have an "ejaculatory threshold," which is the amount of stimulation they can experience before reaching this "point of no return." Women, on the other hand, don't experience ejaculatory inevitability -- she can "lose" an orgasm even as it's happening. There are pros and cons to both situations: Sure, it's tougher for some women to climax, especially if they're distracted. On the other hand, women are able to enjoy multiple orgasms and have rarely been accused of coming "too fast." Orgasmic bliss is more of a sure thing for guys, but it's got its own downside: It's easy for some men to pass that point of ejaculatory inevitability sooner than they -- and their partners -- would like. That's called premature ejaculation." 

It's something I think about every time I see Men whining about how its sooooo hard online and resort to playing a numbers game messaging every woman's profile about how they think they are (physically) attractive, or the sex acts they would like to perform with them, the pathological fixation with sending or getting picture's of the body. The same sort of thinking and behavior I see manifest in real life when dudes just cant chill drink their fucking beer and basically stalk and fixate on who ever stokes their desire visually.

Or when women complain because that agenda and fixation just gets gross or in the way of forming any real connection or intimacy that would cultivate a interest in letting them bring them to orgasim to begin with. Men talk like they got no vocabulary, or quickly go into the agenda of how hard they would like to bone you and wonder why they get treated like creeps.

The more I dig on the literature on the subject the more I am convinced their is a sex based biological premise for these norms. Maybe its easy to just misinterpret things, hey I think your physically attractive is the best dudes default in expressing a desire or chance to cultivate intimacy, and chicks are not being cold  or harshly rejecting the offer when they grossed out by your presenting a bid or agenda for her body without even being invited or welcome.

I dont know I just always see the same crap, and the same behavior and the same complaints the second the mating game becomes a issue. I wonder if everyone is always as awful as they seem or if maybe in terms of sexuality everyone is just playing by separate sets of rules and expectations unconsciously.  

I loved this. 😍😍😍😍

Made me think. 

Thanks for this 🤗🤗

[Deleted Member]

Great read. Very well said and put together.

[bi****]

Its true, the biological imperatives for sex are wildly different between men and women for obvious reproductive reasons. The challenge for our society though, rather than try to deny what men and women are, is to understand this.

Right now I see just condemnation and no understanding.

So instead of saying "she's just frigid", the correct response is "you just didn't make yourself mean anything to her". Instead of "he's just an arsehole", the correct response is "you just didn't seduce him into being more than a quick shag".

But superficiality rules today.

[Kymi]

as trans woman, still confused where i fit into this spectrum, 

interesting read and prompts me to think/look further

[ey****]

1 minute ago, Kymi said:

as trans woman, still confused where i fit into this spectrum, 

interesting read and prompts me to think/look further

I suspect this is complex because - I'm not entire sure things are entirely biological (though some things will be) but a lot will be down to conditioning and society constructs 
there are folk I know who a trans women who you would never know they were AMAB - and some who are maybe sympathetic towards men based on their own upbringing or some who still act certain ways.

of course the things with spectrums is they're not linear. 

[Kymi]

but one interesting thing I've noted is many gay men I've met treat me in a similar way to this description of str8 men treating cis women, which is strange because in other respects they've been very empathic and tender

wonder if the problem isn't societal conditioning, men being conditioned to think that's how women want to be treated even if the ma doesn't want to do this either

maybe starts with the crap of your lips say no but your eyes say yes, aaaargh I've had that too, and the societal conditioning was the problem, my partner was delighted when i reassured him, after i'd hit him, that a real man doesn't have to be an arsehole to a woman

[Kymi]

eye your comments on some being societal condition echoed exactly what i was trying to say, we crossed over

it is also something that worries me, well only a little, I admit to being a slut and an exhibitionist- what worries me is am i carrying baggage from my male upbringing, or is it genuine feminine feelings or is it even toxic and picking up things that men don't really want to do but are conditioned to say they do and therefore is my sexually forcing them into roles too,

and of course well it is female sexually in my case can i ever be cured of the baggage and get the real woman sexually that i would have been if i was born physically different

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Kymi said:

but one interesting thing I've noted is many gay men I've met treat me in a similar way to this description of str8 men treating cis women, which is strange because in other respects they've been very empathic and tender

wonder if the problem isn't societal conditioning, men being conditioned to think that's how women want to be treated even if the ma doesn't want to do this either

maybe starts with the crap of your lips say no but your eyes say yes, aaaargh I've had that too, and the societal conditioning was the problem, my partner was delighted when i reassured him, after i'd hit him, that a real man doesn't have to be an arsehole to a woman

 So I can share for me that I have come to believe in biological factors. Also with a lot of evidence for trans stuff like that fucked twin study or cases where someone's brain is actually sexd different from their presenting body causing dysphoria even at a super too young to know sexuality age. Trans people and dysphoria at least used to be rare and had a biological context.

I don't suffer dysphoria and I am intersex the rare kind with a proper penis and all the problems of a functional uterus and having a foot in both camps and spending half my life seen and accepted as a man I know there's a lot of male sexuality that I really don't experience or understand. 

Especially when it comes to sexuality if I'm not relaxed I can't cum nor do I really have to climax to have a fulfilling encounter. But I have to actually feel safe and some degree of connection and intimacy is just a part of that.

I'd hate drinking at bars with male firends who are single it's like they pathological have their dick always in their hand rushing to force and spread unwanted attention. I don't think it's culture all men I know and have met have that same logic it just matches how they were built. I love people but this experience and the fact that someone might experience something like sexuality or any number of other things differently is hard and beyond comprehending for most we use our experience as a model.

I don't think men needs intimacy less but maybe these biological differences in sex mirrors many other variations like introversion and extroversion. I know in my high testosterone driven men and women I can also make correlation between behaviors and needs and what makes them most comfortable and fulfilled.

A lot of our experience is biological that is something I learned. As for dysphoria I don't think we really know or can say because a lot of dysphoria for many is from truama or transition is a way to cope. So I would not make assumptions or generalize given the change in culture.

But I don't think male or female perceived habits are something. My dom is a biological women with a high T type of drive she's not dysphoric either but def is more a man in how she fundamentally operates the same way I for lack of better description am a woman in contrast. There are temperament and spectrum but biology is definitely a factor in many ways we ignore.

Tragically I think a lot of trans woman especially get shit over these differences because one can feel like a gender but our biological pathology might not be something mutable. It's a problem for culture to accommodate but no honest conversation happens with these things. Even pointing out stuff like this paints a huge target on my back for a lot of meaness. I think it's important to understand though more for the sake of inclusion not exclusion. My dom for example isn't any less her gender just testerone seeking activities are good for her biology. 

I just see the mountains of evidence for the impact this stuff has and how a lot of strife seems to come from a proper misunderstanding and modern denial of it all.

[Kymi]

MeowMowMeow unfortunately you are probably right that saying some of that paints a target on your back, thanks for having the courage to do so

its a very interesting read and informative too, I'm still trying to digest it all but then I'm also still trying to work out where I fit into things