Findom Influx

[Deleted Member]

In the last year or even more recently this community has seen such a huge influx in new members, and sadly 8 in 10 of them seem to be young women that want to ‘financially dominate’ me…

It’s such a shame that this once great space for those interested in serious BDSM has been sullied by girls looking for a quick payday, with no education or understanding as to what kink or these lifestyles actually entail.

[4R****]

I don't think the issue is solely down to FinDom(me)s. There seems to be a large number of 'submissives' who are in reality looking for someone to support them financially in return for being their "slave" and they will simply use the lifestyle to draw people in to giving them what they want.

They usually start by reading your profile and then get drop you a very sparse message "hello master/sir". If you respond, you're on the hook and they then try to engage you into conversation and get you to open up about yourself in messages. They then use the information you've freely given up to make themselves appear to be the perfect person for you therefore making you more desperate to keep that person around. When they think they've got you they will hit you with the crunch question - Can you afford me?

It's a real shame because it really does leave a nasty taste in the mouth when you've spent time getting to know the person only to find out that the reality is that money is the aim of their game. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth and often results in 'victims' being more closed off to making connections in the future and this in turn means real connections can be missed. 

And don't for one second think that this is an error that only "newbies" make - anyone can fall victim to this, regardless of length of experience, because they are incredibly subtle and until you've experienced it, you have no idea what you're dealing with. 

Of course, now you know what to watch out for so hopefully you won't fall victim yourself. 

Edited August 11, 2022 by SirArchA

[je****]

Amen to that this place kinda sucks anymore.

[Jacky7]

Amen

[Ie****]

Completely agree... it's against the code of conduct on here too!

[ja****]

The minute people ask for money or money is involved I completely disengage. They could be scammers or people looking for easy money.

[Ku****]

I agree with both yours and SirArchA's statement. I mostly come here to kill some time and chat, since this app isn't used that much here where I live so planning encounters seems to be impossible. I'd say around 2 in 3 submissives are looking for sugar daddies. I did have some luck sometimes, though.

[PJ****]

To be honest I think most of then are just flat out scammers, not even real people looking for some easy money.. my rule of thumb is usually... would this person look twice at me in the street.. if my gut leans me to no then I'll just flat out ignore them and block them if they persist - which to be honest they usually dont because they're probably messaging everyone on here at the same time 😂
Aaah the fun of internet interactions 😁

[Ba****]

Fully agree. It's really disheartning

[4R****]

5 minutes ago, jackiegag said:

The minute people ask for money or money is involved I completely disengage. They could be scammers or people looking for easy money.

The issue is, sometimes they are willing to play the long game, be the perfect submissive for a month or so and then slowly start to introduce it: "Can you lend me", "can you pay for", or something more blatant "I want you to give me £x a month". Trouble is by then you're emotionally invested. 

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, Ieuan_Alarch said:

Completely agree... it's against the code of conduct on here too!

and yet goes seemingly unmonitored and punished…

[FETMOD-BD]

3 minutes ago, KinkLover_5 said:

and yet goes seemingly unmonitored and punished…

If they are reported, then they are dealt with very quickly. 

[Ku****]

Just now, FETMOD-BD said:

If they are reported, then they are dealt with very quickly. 

In my experience this is true.

[Deleted Member]

21 minutes ago, SirArchA said:

I don't think the issue is solely down to FinDom(me)s. There seems to be a large number of 'submissives' who are in reality looking for someone to support them financially in return for being their "slave" and they will simply use the lifestyle to draw people in to giving them what they want.

They usually start by reading your profile and then get drop you a very sparse message "hello master/sir". If you respond, you're on the hook and they then try to engage you into conversation and get you to open up about yourself in messages. They then use the information you've freely given up to make themselves appear to be the perfect person for you therefore making you more desperate to keep that person around. When they think they've got you they will hit you with the crunch question - Can you afford me?

It's a real shame because it really does leave a nasty taste in the mouth when you've spent time getting to know the person only to find out that the reality is that money is the aim of their game. It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth and often results in 'victims' being more closed off to making connections in the future and this in turn means real connections can be missed. 

And don't for one second think that this is an error that only "newbies" make - anyone can fall victim to this, regardless of length of experience, because they are incredibly subtle and until you've experienced it, you have no idea what you're dealing with. 

Of course, now you know what to watch out for so hopefully you won't fall victim yourself. 

I think this leads more towards gold diggers that I encounter in general life anyway. What it is that is most annoying is that I receive many messages asking me to ‘give money’ or be a ‘pay slave’, it takes but a glance at my profile to see that would never be of interest to me, I outline who I am clearly and it shows a lack of genuine interest. These members I speak of are spammers, just constantly asking everyone for cash and it goes totally unmoderated which in tandem destroys the overall enjoyment of the platform.

[oa****]

I wholeheartedly agree. I was involved with a woman who I thought was interested in lifestyle but she what she was looking for was money. She asked me to get an Amazon gift card for her daughter’s birthday.

[Deleted Member]

5 minutes ago, KushindaVita said:

In my experience this is true.

But it takes all of 2 minutes to set up another profile and for then to go again. It all leads back to the fact that profile verification is seriously lacking on this platform.

[4R****]

7 minutes ago, KinkLover_5 said:

But it takes all of 2 minutes to set up another profile and for then to go again. It all leads back to the fact that profile verification is seriously lacking on this platform.

This is a brilliant topic you've started here so lets keep it about the original subject and not turn this in to an attack against the site/platfom. 

You've raised an issue that many will be passionate about and will have an opinion on but if the thread goes  off topic - it will get closed. 

[Deleted Member]

Last time i had a girl who told me she can only willing to talk more if i pay for her puctures.
I told her i can do that for free on any porn site.
She had another acoount aswell whit the same description and pictures.
I reported her and nothing happened since.

[Go****]

I agree with you….

[Deleted Member]

13 minutes ago, SirArchA said:

This is a brilliant topic you've started here so lets keep it about the original subject and not turn this in to an attack against the site/platfom. 

You've raised an issue that many will be passionate about and will have an opinion on but if the thread goes  off topic - it will get closed. 

It is not an attack to highlight flaws, all platforms have them. But to not amend policies to fix them would be a true crime. The first step in fixing a problem, is accepting there is one.

[lo****]

Totally, I couldn't agree more

[ey****]

I think there's an old saying about "block and move on" but when some starts to ask about money (which is *normally* pretty quickly) it can be a case of "report, block and move on" 

it's true of course that another account could pop up - but, in essence... most of the solutions carry collateral.

if for example making everyone verify ID before they join - this is something off-putting to a lot of people, it is also exclusionary, and, it creates false security as there becomes incentive for people running any form of scam or fakery to find ways to get verified

IP blocking can have collateral and is really easy to side step : aside from using a VPN which are increasingly common - you can just restart your router and with a lot of ISPs you get a new IP address.

There will be assorted other things happening to identify fakes in the backend, most sites do this, but of course are not going to reveal what they do publicly since this would give more info for scammers to work around.  A lot of scammers already try different methods to work out what security sites have (I have to go through a lot of this every quarter with my day job) being aware most sites don't wish to shut out "genuine" users

I don't want to be the guy who does the "make your own site" cos of course I don't want that anyway - but if it was easier to shut out scammers, findoms, etc. someone would make a site that did just that.

[Deleted Member]

And here I am with the same issue but from the other end of things... serious Doms are hard to find.

[ny****]

1 hour ago, FETMOD-BD said:

If they are reported, then they are dealt with very quickly. 

This is from the code of conduct…

While we acknowledge Financial Domination as a legitimate part of BDSM, unfortunately, for legal reasons, we cannot allow Findommes to operate in our community - this also applies to sugar babies looking for sugar mommies/daddies (and vice versa), picture or panty sellers - or offering kinks for financial gain..

Yet users profiles are approved where they blatantly ask for money, or sugar daddy or paypigs or fin sub. I report all of them and they are numerous; some but definitely not all are banned. Also some pop up the very next day with a brand new profile and same language on profile. Does anyone review the content on a profile before it’s approved? Perhaps that would cut down on the self policing necessary as I myself have probably reported probably hundreds of these profiles.

[Lord_Talion]

5 years ago we got flooded with ppl that wanted to be sex slaves and get a free ride just for putting out