se**** Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 In all my years of experience, I’ve come to realize online dynamics doesn’t work for me. Reason being, brats. Now hear me out, I have much experience taming brats. Not an issue at all, but online it’s almost impossible. When my subs will be disrespectful/bratty/sassy and i would give her a punishment, and she’d just choose not to do her punishment. Is there really a way around that? I’m almost certain that there isn’t, but! I’ve noticed also, that subs who are super bratty online, and sassy, are never the same way in person with me. I just figured that the reason is, they feel more safe saying any and everything they want online. because they know there’s no real consequences, or they can just refuse to take the punishment. What are y’all thoughts? Has anyone else experienced this?
Ar**** Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 Not exactly... I mean I get what you're saying, but for a dynamic like that to work there has to be two willing parties. So whilst yes you could say there is an easy way out for those subs/brats online who want it, if it's the case that you can't "bank" any punishment until you see each other in real life (i.e. a 100% online dynamic such as you describe) then just don't engage with ones who don't play by the rules you've agreed. My experience is that yes some will try to use the dynamic being online as a shield or even as an excuse to take bratting to the level of being plain rude and abusive. If somebody is like that I won't take them on - and that's why when I've had online dynamics they've been healthy, positive relationships with subs who demonstrated they wouldn't try to use a lack of physical contact to get themselves off the hook. Be firm, be fair, and if there is mutual respect the online dynamic will flourish.
Lostlilgrl76 Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 Greetings and good evening, My first ever Mentor-Dom was strictly online, way back “in the day”(giggles) of AOL, and those web cams that could be attached to the monitor(yes, I am THAT old, lol). Please know He had very affective ways to not only provide discipline(maintenance, included), He was also quite creative for punishments. 1.) Video/live footage (or it didn’t happen) 2.) Hand written/printed sentences, essays, apologies, requests for forgiveness, etc.., with a minimum AND sometimes max word count, with proof, or(of course) it didn’t happen. Snail mail, photo attachments in an email, etc.. 3.) Self-inflicted enemas 4.) Reaching out to another trusted party in the area of said submissive, to pass along punishment, while on the phone with Him. Keyboard warriors are convinced they always have the upper hand, until it’s time to have face to face time. As I grew deeper into my submission, it hurt me to know that I had displeased my Dominant, compared to my days of mostly only being a S.A.M., with little to no remorse for having done so! Best of luck to you, ~His bg
Deleted Member Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 Online definitely brings a whole new set of dynamics to establishing new human relationships...some helpful ...most detrimental. e.g. it's a lot easier to strike up a "Hi" conversation online with a complete stranger than it is in real life. On the downside it's also a lot easier to ghost, block, catfish, scam, groom ...need I go on? I think you are right that on balance it is a negative experience ...but it just takes that 1 in 1000 connection to occur for it all to be worthwhile. Maybe I am a gambler?
Ch**** Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 Ok..... as a 'brat' (plus other 'labels) i do understand what you mean. I've had online between seeing someone and ive had it while building up to a first meet to get a feel for someone. Its blimming hard lol For the most part ive done all required but as you have said its hard to en***, there has been things ive not wanted to do and not done them but always explained the reason why, there was always a discussion rather than a point blank no. Yes in person things can be very different, on a phone its easy to say no i dont want to do that because xyz, in person my confident ' no' turns into a squeaky 'but please Sir I really dont want....' 😂😂 and end up doing it, because yes theres instant punishment and its going to be far worse than i can inflict on myself lol I would suggest if the other person cant commit to online seriously and its causing problems then just dont do it, dont take the 'brat' label as an excuse from them. X x
ey**** Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 both online and offline the person can refuse their "punishment" so I don't know what you mean? Personally, I'm not into online at all *unless* it is part of a wider dynamic with the person (I've never done online play with someone I've not met in person) But, yep, the other person can always refuse any form of "punishment" so it is worth being open on communication and having agreements on what is an acceptable punishment and when it would be administered.
se**** Posted October 7, 2022 Author Posted October 7, 2022 I’ve heard a couple say “they can still refuse the punishment irl too” In the situations/agreements we were in, not technically. It was usually cnc. So my sub would know, no matter what, that she would have to take her punishment in person. Me personally what i think is, if you’re going to be a brat, you should expect a punishment. I understand the point of being bratty of course. but if you deny your punishment for it, it just takes away the whole meaning.
ey**** Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 CNC - either IRL, or online, should only be done with someone with a mutual trust and understanding. if people are denying their punishment - you haven't built this trust.
se**** Posted October 7, 2022 Author Posted October 7, 2022 That’s not necessarily the case here, I highly doubt someone would agree to give up consent to someone that they don’t trust. I’ve built trust/relationships For weeks, just to make my sub as comfortable as possible. But typically! when this issue occurs, it’s with an inexperienced sub. My last one just couldn’t understand, so we parted ways. Anytime she’d be given a punishment she’d respond with “why are you so sensitive?” “Why are you being so mean?” “Why do i have to be punished?” No matter how much i explained to her, and tried to teach her. She didn’t understand, then we met in person and she was quiet as a mouse. Sat there twiddling her thumbs with her head down staring at the floor. And the formality of her s***ch was almost perfect. My point is, it might not be impossible to get your sub to behave online. It all really depends on the female tbh, but! It’s definitely much much easier to tame a brat irl.
ey**** Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 you may consider you have built trust and understanding but clearly you haven't if your punishments are being declined. And yeah of course if someone is inexperienced - then you have to be accepting this might take more time for you both to understand what each other wants.
Ch**** Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 (edited) Sometimes it's easier to be 'brave' online than in person hence quiet when in front of you. Inexperienced maybe, patience should be your focus, explaining rather than doing, why things are happening the way they are. If she doesnt want her punishment ask why? If she has lots of questions online then answer them in person to see her reactions. A few weeks with someone isnt enough time to build true trust, not for cnc type play in my opinion. Edited October 7, 2022 by Cheekysub247
ey**** Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 I think it's easier to coerce someone in person; so also to kinda ask yourself if the in-person stuff moved too fast
Deleted Member Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 I think alot people don't really think about the meaning CNC, like Submissives saying "I will do anything" in the heat of excitement.
se**** Posted October 7, 2022 Author Posted October 7, 2022 Don’t get the wrong idea here, all these things you’re saying. I’ve done, it’s never my idea to meet up with them. They tend to ask me, they’ll tell me when they’re ready and we go from there. I’m very good with teaching, and being slow and steady with my trainees. Majority of the time when i ask them these questions along the lines of “why don’t you want your punishment” ect, the response i usually get is “I’m just shy” or “I don’t know” they usually explain to me that they understand, that that kind of ruins the point of it. So I’ve tried time and time again, just giving them more time. Teaching them more, helping them become more comfortable with me as a person (outside of the role) and it just doesn’t work, I’ve only noticed this pattern with inexperienced subs though. It’s not because i don’t know what I’m doing, or I thin CNC means she’s supposed to do anything i want. Not at all the case. My conclusion is just that, some people just aren’t made for this lifestyle. You don’t really know that you don’t like something fully until you try it. I’ve met a ton of inexperienced subs who’s said they were masochist, and then i spanked them a couple times and they said they don’t think they’re masochist anymore.
Deleted Member Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 I'm a brat with experience of online play. A brat who doesn't respect a punishment issued is not invested in the dynamic. There is a line. Brats like to run right up to it and push it, but not cross. Failing to complete a punishment is not brat behavior imo. Brats respect the dynamic, when it comes down to it.
Deleted Member Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 2 minutes ago, Lady_Char said: I'm a brat with experience of online play. A brat who doesn't respect a punishment issued is not invested in the dynamic. There is a line. Brats like to run right up to it and push it, but not cross. Failing to complete a punishment is not brat behavior imo. Brats respect the dynamic, when it comes down to it. 👍💖
se**** Posted October 7, 2022 Author Posted October 7, 2022 Please don’t use your personal behavior and experiences to define all brats, i understand that you personally probably know how the role works. And know what you do and don’t want, but that’s not the case with the females I’ve dealt with. I feel like we need to acknowledge that some stuff, just isn’t for some people. I’ve met a lot of subs who came to me with an idea of what they thought this lifestyle was like, and then they changed their mind after i simply told them what it was like. I’ve told one of my trainees to read more about her role, and do more research in her spare time. She came back and told me she did her research and reading, and she’s just not ready for it. And I understood and we’re still friends to this day. My point being, every time a dynamic fails. It doesn’t mean it’s one party or even both parties fault. It could simply be, one of them were just trying something new and realized that it’s just not for them.
se**** Posted October 7, 2022 Author Posted October 7, 2022 Let’s just use this analogy, let’s say I’m playing a game that i have years of experience of playing. Even with other people, and then someone new comes in, with no experience and no real idea how anything works. And suddenly things start to go downhill, it’s safe to assume that this person with a lack of experience needs help right? Right, so I go over to them and help them, teach them, train them. As slow and steady as possible, and if even after all the training. They still feel like it’s not for them, then maybe there really isn’t no issue and the game just isn’t for them.
Deleted Member Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 (edited) Trying to think positive, maybe an experienced Brat is possible for an online dynamic?. The word inexperienced and new keeps popping in my head. Not into online relationships... like another member said " only smelling the food when you are hungary". Edited October 7, 2022 by Deleted Member
ey**** Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 to repeat now what I and others have said - if she is not following your punishment then you and her do not have the level of trust and understanding you think you do there is nothing wrong with that. But if she thinks the punishment is unjust, unfair, excessive, not in line with her behaviour, or doesn't understand why you feel you should punish - then the communication between you is wrong. There are boundaries between you that you haven't yet broke which are understandably harder to break online. The other kinda thing also. There's nothing wrong with having or having had multiple play partners - but if you have had a few there is a question of if your approach is right if you have had lots of short-term partners rather than fewer long term. Is your approach enough for long term interest?
se**** Posted October 7, 2022 Author Posted October 7, 2022 I didn’t intend for this to be an argument or debate, I simply asked a question in my original post. But I’ll say this once more. All the subs that i have dealt with this with. I still have contact with them, I’m friends with a few of them. They told me personally, that it wasn’t just me. It was no lack of communication, it wasn’t a lack of trust. They told me that they just don’t think it’s for them. Mind you, they had relationships with other doms and those relationships didn’t work either. So now all of these females i speak of, are no longer interested in this lifestyle. And they all willingly admit, that either they weren’t ready to submit to someone, or they had a false idea of what it was like. That’s literally it.
Deleted Member Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 Food for thought. Why did you connected with mostly these types?. I understand you did not do this on purpose, or selecting these types (not ready to submit, or had false ideas of what it was like).
Nylon-Nellie Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 46 minutes ago, kiseu said: Food for thought. Why did you connected with mostly these types?. I understand you did not do this on purpose, or selecting these types (not ready to submit, or had false ideas of what it was like). Would be far easier to go for an experienced sub instead of a total newbie. @searchingformyslaveTrust is a big issue for those that are new to lifestyle. Trust is earnt and not freely given. A sub knows when she is ready to submit to a D-type. For the newbies, it isn't easy finding a partner and same with a D-type. Far better to have a offline relationship, more so since you haven't come across a brat that is accepting of you. But you already know this.
Deleted Member Posted October 7, 2022 Posted October 7, 2022 Interesting that a lot of your responses are negating or refuting advice and experience other people have given you. What, then, is the point of the post?
se**** Posted October 7, 2022 Author Posted October 7, 2022 If you read the whole thing, the last question was “has anyone else experienced this” I haven’t gotten a straight answer. But doing research, I’ve seen that this is a common issue. But yes the question was simple, instead a few people started forcing their opinions on why my previous subs were acting that way. When that wasn’t the case at all, and no matter how many times i say “that wasn’t the case” y’all won’t let up. But the discussion ended nicely, I couple of people agreed and some didn’t. I’m fine, and I’m sure everyone else here is too.
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