Jump to content

Why is this a thing here?


Recommended Posts

I’ve noticed, from the couple threads I’ve posted here so far. I posted a couple stories of mine, where my new sub would misunderstand something I’ve said. Or not fully understand how to play her role.

And I’ve noticed from a few comments that, some people seem to believe it’s always the doms fault. Why is that a thing? Can we learn to acknowledge the fact that both parties can play a part in a failed dynamic. Or maybe one party is a little less experienced then the other?
I think it’s bad that every time i post about a failed dynamic, or a misunderstanding. A lot of people like to instantly assume the dom isn’t doing his part right, the dom didn’t take enough to, the dom isn’t good at teaching ect.

Of course the dom can be the problem too, I can fully admit in my first couple months into this lifestyle.
I was not the best dom, and have made many mistakes. But over time I’ve also learned that this lifestyle isn’t for everyone, maybe a failed dynamic is due to the fact that one party was curious and just trying something new. And then figured out that this just isn’t for them.
I feel like we need to acknowledge that more, because I have friends who’s attempted to get into bdsm ect. And they had good experiences, but still didn’t like it.
Because it’s just not for them, why do we instantly assume when a dynamic isn’t working that it’s someone’s fault?

I wouldn't say anything is automatically a Dominants fault or even anyone's fault

one comment I mentioned on one of your posts was that it seemed you and subs had different ideas and so it was simply a compatibility issue.

When you say "understand how to play her role" which is something common you've said - basically, you have an expectancy on how she should behave and that is something that clearly doesn't work for her.  

What I have noticed on these threads is you are frequently ignoring what people are saying to you; and it feels like you are having problems because you are ignoring what your subs are trying to say to you - which, I am sorry, is something you need to improve on else you're gonna keep running into similar problems.

This is your 3rd post in as many days where you've failed to acknowledge your role.
This is your 3rd post in as many days where you've attributed blame to another parties inexperience
Not one person has said that when a dynamic fails it's always the Dtypes fault
But here's the thing, you've protrayed yourself as someone with a lot of experience in D/s. You've portrayed yourself as someone who seeks inexperienced stypes
When that's what you're doing, you need to accept accountability for your own actions. You need to accept accountability for supporting the stype to communicate
You need to accept accountability not to play with someone until they are ready
You need to accept when you've got it wrong.
You need to learn from your mistakes and stop dismissing what others are saying to you because accountability is an aphrodisiac.
At what point will you recognise that? How many posts will it take for you to step back and think to yourself, "I played a role in that?"
What you're doing is potentially dangerous.
I haven't come across your other posts. Based on what you write here, the common demoninator in the couple of threads you've written thus far us you.

It is at least worth exploring yourself, if you are having these kinds of problems with submissives routinely.
  • 2 weeks later...
This has nothing to do with BDSM per se but when my kids were of the age they wanted more control over their lives. My wife and I had the chat with them about with control comes responsibility.
Do it our way and it goes wrong - our fault, do it your way and get it wrong then you take responsibility for it.
It is just a part of growing.
As I said just nostalgia.
  • Create New...