Pa**** Posted October 10, 2022 Posted October 10, 2022 ### Personal Responsibility ? * I drink and drive and hit a tree, is it the councils fault for having put the tree there or is it mine? * I give someone a light, is it my fault that they grope me (or worse)? Does a victim have to take responsibility for how they dress? The street they walk in? The club they go to? I take personal responsibility in not using drink so I do not breach consent or unintentionally harm others. Someone having used drink does not excuse them from assaulting and breaching consent. Someone having used drink does not excuse any third party sober or not to interfere with you. If a person cannot give consent, because they are * gagged , * drunk, * in subspace, * ***, * asleep, You cannot presume you have consent if it cannot be given. (unless previously clearly negotiated while that person was in a clear and present state of mind: CNC) ### Personal responsibility is what we do to others or ourselves not what is done to us by others. #### anything else is: for ### Victim Blamingwhich occurs when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or pa rtially at fault for the harm that befell them.
Nikki_Hexy Posted October 10, 2022 Posted October 10, 2022 We live in a world where we should be able to do what ever we like as long as it doesn't effect others. In an ideal world i should be able to go on a night out woth make up, heels, a nice dress etc but unfortunately we live in a world where there are some evil people around. Some are just desperate and some are damaged from what other even people have done to them in the past. We have to be aware of our situations and the situations we put ourselves in. I'm not going to go out to a bad street that is known for desperate people and *** while waring a rolex watch and a load of gold jewelry because it is just simply a bad idea. You are right in which we should live in a world where we shouldn't blame the victim, however we sadly live in a world with a lot of bad or desperate people that will do things to other people in order to survive...
Pa**** Posted October 10, 2022 Author Posted October 10, 2022 17 minutes ago, Hexy said: We live in a world where we should be able to do what ever we like as long as it doesn't effect others. In an ideal world i should be able to go on a night out woth make up, heels, a nice dress etc but unfortunately we live in a world where there are some evil people around. Some are just desperate and some are damaged from what other even people have done to them in the past. We have to be aware of our situations and the situations we put ourselves in. I'm not going to go out to a bad street that is known for desperate people and *** while waring a rolex watch and a load of gold jewelry because it is just simply a bad idea. You are right in which we should live in a world where we shouldn't blame the victim, however we sadly live in a world with a lot of bad or desperate people that will do things to other people in order to survive... ow everything we do affects others You walking in the street in a nice dress and heels etc ...might cause some parent to have to explain to their kids ..... And thats not always wanted either , But that is of a different level of you being under the influence of drink (or stuff you are not to mention here) and using to be abusive OR You being of your rocker and someone else abusing you as you are not in a coherent state to make a conscious descission Personal responsibility is Maybe not walking that area at a certain time Maybe not having that drink so you keep your wits about you BUT If you do walk that area with a drink or 2 in you .... you are not the victim if something happens to you
CopperKnob Posted October 10, 2022 Posted October 10, 2022 I'll be honest, I'm unclear on the premise of your post, could you please clarify your thoughts for me? Particularly the last sentence which if I'm reading it correctly is essentially, if I walk in a particular area having had a couple of glasses of wine and something untoward happens to me, I'm not a victim? I'm not sure if this is click bait, these are truly your thoughts or I've got the wrong end of the stick
Nikki_Hexy Posted October 10, 2022 Posted October 10, 2022 I said nothing about drinking? Admittedly i do like a glass of wine or a cocktail but i know my limits. But like CopperKnob says, i too am unclear about what you mean by your post then.
Je**** Posted October 10, 2022 Posted October 10, 2022 3 hours ago, Paddle-Hands said: Personal responsibility is Maybe not walking that area at a certain time Maybe not having that drink so you keep your wits about you BUT If you do walk that area with a drink or 2 in you .... you are not the victim if something happens to you You are not the victim if something happens to you... if you have some drinks in you. Yes. becuase you are compromised and CAN walk down any street you fucking well like, without someone else (drunk or not) attacking you! if someone attacks you, whether you are drunk or off your head, is someone elses doing TO you, foer they sought action to harm you of their own accord simply for walking past. Especially if you were drunk but only walking past minding your own business and not provoking. so maybe try that again.....
Pa**** Posted October 10, 2022 Author Posted October 10, 2022 1 hour ago, Finally_Jen said: You are not the victim if something happens to you... if you have some drinks in you. Yes. becuase you are compromised and CAN walk down any street you fucking well like, without someone else (drunk or not) attacking you! if someone attacks you, whether you are drunk or off your head, is someone elses doing TO you, foer they sought action to harm you of their own accord simply for walking past. Especially if you were drunk but only walking past minding your own business and not provoking. so maybe try that again..... Exactly with one addendum. Substance , alcohol or whatever ...is not an excuse to violate someone else's consent either... If you are the perpetrator under influence .. .it is your responsibility and fault
ey**** Posted October 10, 2022 Posted October 10, 2022 so to answer the question if someone has a drink - and something happens to them - are you saying it is their fault?
Ar**** Posted October 10, 2022 Posted October 10, 2022 36 minutes ago, Paddle-Hands said: If you are the perpetrator under influence .. .it is your responsibility and fault What on earth are you saying/trying to say? This sentence does not need the words "under influence" dropped in the middle of it, at all.
Deleted Member Posted October 10, 2022 Posted October 10, 2022 This seems quite muddled. My feelings on the matter are fairly simple: does being under the influence excuse me from personal responsibility? No. Do I have a personal responsibility to do as much as I can to keep myself safe? Yes. Should I be able to go put dressed as I like and drink what I like and walk home alone safely? Yes. Can I? No. Because that would be ***y stupid and saying "I should be able to" is going to be little comfort to me when a predator takes advantage. People with bad intentions exist, no point pretending otherwise. I do not want bad things to happen to me therefore I take precautions to minimize the risk as best I can. We all make our own risk assessments.
Chloebear Posted October 11, 2022 Posted October 11, 2022 A lot of blaming ourselves for anything that happens isn’t logical anyway, it’s trauma trying to retrospectively do things differently- take a different route or whatever. There exist many that will blame people for attacks against them based on clothing choices; if people want to explain abusive behaviour by making excuses for it then that’s obviously victim shaming. I would stress that if playing, choosing to drink and play would be an example of failure to take personal responsibility. You still shouldn’t be shamed if you make an error, but if you made a safety error due to this, it would be reasonable to reflect and modify your own practices. Personal responsibility is risk assessing, regardless of whether we feel we should be obliged to.
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