Subs with Personality ?

[Deleted Member]

Maybe I am simply too new to this as a domme, but I find that many submissives disregard the domme sub dynamic is more than just sex. There is an emotional aspect to it as well. The nurturing and maternal bond (at least for me)

How do I find a submissive who is emotionally intelligent and sees me as not only a domme but a nurturing figure ? So far they all want me to help with jerk off and that's as far as the conversation goes.

[bladeofgrass]

right? I love when a domme and I talk through the whole day about what's going on and maybe some naughty teasing through the day. so hot!

[MrJim]

It all depends on the sub. It also depends on what you tell them when you first meet, and whether or not you preform aftercare for them. My sub knows from our first meeting that I will nurture and care for her both physically, mentally and emotionally. If you start out with the complete understanding that you are invested in the sub completely and in all aspects of their life then you will get the things you desire as well. It’s also important to understand that you need to be in a 24/7 type of relationship to get the things that you’re looking for. As their domme you need to tell them your expectations from the beginning.

[AKA_Copper]

Same question but for Dom's 🤣🤣

[bl****]

i agree most just want the bedroom aspect of being a sub

[Deleted Member]

Maybe wait a little longer to build a connection before the sex. I would love to give this a try

[Ge****]

this may sound kinda silly, but then again... it's also true. I know this is a connection-focused site/app. the focus seems to be on dating/hooking up. and because it's online, it opens the door for people to forget that the entity on the other end of the keyboard is a living, breathing, human being. and yet... we are. all of us. on both sides of the slash.


You, are a Domme. That means something. and it means something far more than being just a Top who likes kinky shit. you are NOT a kink dispenser. You are a DOMME. If what are seeking is a long-term Dynamic which involves a Power Exchange, that's not something that should ever happen, or be taken, lightly. there are, of course, different levels and types of PE, and, also of course, every single dynamic is different. you could have a submissive sign the exact same contract as you did the last sub, and the dynamic will still look, feel, and be totally different simply because of the difference in personalities.... that said though, a quick jerk-off session with a willing pair may work for some. and there's nothing wrong with that. what I read from this though is that you want a long-term, committed dynamic/ PE. like any other relationship, that means getting to know each other as humans. usually first. diving right into a dynamic is dangerous... for both sides. how can you possibly take the power & control if you don't know the person? their triggers? their past? their personality? you say you want to be nurturing, and that's an AMAZING sort of dynamic. For the Dominant, it's immensely fulfilling. But as you hint at, that requires connection at a far deeper level than being a kink dispenser.

The sub you want is out there. they exist. But online? you need to wade through a lot more silliness before you find the gem you are seeking. be patient. and do not lower your standards just because you haven't found what you seek. in the end, you do yourself AND your sub a disservice.

The last piece of advice I'd give, and this is for both sides, but as a Dominant, we need to be especially aware of what we are being handed. "You cannot give what you first do not possess". the best submissives, the best Power Exchanges, are those where the submissive has power over themselves that they willingly give. that's just my opinion of course, but I"ve seen and experienced both sorts, and I far prefer a strong submissive who has full control over herself and gives it willingly than a weak woman who just needs a caretaker. but that, of course, is just me and merely food for thought.

[thatgenericwhiteboy]

Me 😋 that's what I want, a caring motherly dom, more than just in the bedroom

[sl****]

They are out, I think it's just got harder from both sides too weed out the genuine Dom/Dommes/Subs from the fluffy sex handcuff wankers and professional workers.

I know as a sub I searched for a long time meaningful connection

[SophieSubSlut11]

Typically, getting the submission of a good sub is earned and vice versa

[Deleted Member]

Unfortunately it’s particularly difficult on here to find many that are sapiosexual.

Connection is key it can be a long, emotional process and then there are so many flakes. Talk the talk. Can’t walk the walk. I feel you sweet 💖

[Daedeluss]

Those that see the kink / sex as a result of the connection, not the cause of it appear to be very much in the minority. Or perhaps less visible

[Le****]

It is a tedious process. I am a believer in comforting, aftercare, nurturing etc when they are in their sub space/little space... It's not talked about a lot, as we are supposed to be tough and what not.. But we have our own space. I feel you.

[Deleted Member]

12 minutes ago, Puppy6411 said:

Those that see the kink / sex as a result of the connection, not the cause of it appear to be very much in the minority. Or perhaps less visible

How so? I’m not sure that makes sense

[Deleted Member]

3 minutes ago, Lezfemdom said:

It is a tedious process. I am a believer in comforting, aftercare, nurturing etc when they are in their sub space/little space... It's not talked about a lot, as we are supposed to be tough and what not.. But we have our own space. I feel you.

What is a tedious process and why?

[Le****]

4 minutes ago, naughtynat said:

What is a tedious process and why?

Trying to find a submissive that you can create a dynamic with that establishes for both your needs. Sometimes it takes an enormous amount of time trying to find that person.

[Deleted Member]

I agree yes. There are many disingenuous dishonest people. You can spend time and effort even having intimate conversations and they flake out on you. Then I’m not too sure this is the right place to find them. It’s like a kinky Tinder really. One night stands are us! 🤣🙄 Or confused.com hahaha. Trust me I get it!

[Deleted Member]

Thank you all for the advice and honesty ! Appreciate it :)) those of us who are younger in the bdsm community definitely can benefit from wiser and more experienced voices !!

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, naughtynat said:

I agree yes. There are many disingenuous dishonest people. You can spend time and effort even having intimate conversations and they flake out on you. Then I’m not too sure this is the right place to find them. It’s like a kinky Tinder really. One night stands are us! 🤣🙄 Or confused.com hahaha. Trust me I get it!

There are a handful of great supportive on here mind to be fair. That I have spoken with and taken the time to get to know me.

[Deleted Member]

*people

[Le****]

6 minutes ago, naughtynat said:

I agree yes. There are many disingenuous dishonest people. You can spend time and effort even having intimate conversations and they flake out on you. Then I’m not too sure this is the right place to find them. It’s like a kinky Tinder really. One night stands are us! 🤣🙄 Or confused.com hahaha. Trust me I get it!

That's spot on! Haha

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, slut4moms said:

Thank you all for the advice and honesty ! Appreciate it :)) those of us who are younger in the bdsm community definitely can benefit from wiser and more experienced voices !!

Only beware of those who lead you to believe that they are wiser and more experienced. Regardless of age or plagiarism from articles etc does not make you an expert. Life is one big learning journey in this scene for all of us.
Support and advice is great 👍🏻 You are on your own journey. Ensure you are are safe. Put your own physical, physiological and emotional self first always sweet…we all get things wrong here and there 💖

[peavley]

Yes.I get it.As a musician.I approach playing guitar,synth with a focus that channels my whole self into playing that instrument.I try to do the same for a mistress,and give them my full focus to be the bestest submissive I can be.Attentive and switched on to whatever the demands or indeed just wishes that I might think they would like.Its all about the head space.

[ey****]

Like anyone.   Time and patience.

Everyone has kinda problems with attracting those unsuited to their needs

But, speaking wholly on the problem you have.  There is a lot of problems with guys who have potential submissive fantasies who, ultimately, just want someone to help them wank to them.

In essence, there's actually nothing wrong with that (I mean, it's largely something which keeps the whole Pro side so active)  but of course on a form of personal level it is frustrating when you want a relationship and all that goes with it, when you're presented with folk who just want to cum and go (in more ways than one)

I think just in conversations, when it becomes clear that the person is more interested in fantasies and fetishes than you as such that depending on how much you're otherwise enjoying the conversation to point them back on track or to end the conversation : it saves wasting your time if the other person is seemingly just after gratification. 

It is also worth, in addition to online, getting involved in a local community because while they aren't necessarily 'better' you know the people there are real and making an effort to go out and meet people - that's again something applicable to anyone and any dynamic

[Deleted Member]

Given that you use the term maternal, I would suggest that you are more of a natural Mommy domme than simply a Domme and this is a very different dynamic to regular Ds. I'm a Daddy dom myself so I completely relate. While I can enjoy pure Ds dynamics they tend to be shorter term and much more focused on play than any kind of emotional bond. I much prefer the paternal / nurturing elements that come with DDlg.
So maybe you need to be more specific in your search and look for subs who are into the Cg-l / MDlb dynamic rather than pure Ds?