Jealous Husband

[littlelynn]

I am married to a man with a dominant personality. We’ve tried bondage in the bedroom but he didnt listen when I said stop or it was too much. So I don’t want to do it with him anymore. He gets too carried away. Fast forward to now and I have a play partner/dom/switch. I’m not cheating on my husband. He knows about my play partner and I ask him if I can go and he says yes. Even suggests I go sometimes.
 

When I come back he lashes out and thinks im falling in love with him because we’ve become good friends in the process. You know anything involving bondage requires trust and I trust my play partner 100%. I know he’s not going to hurt me or go to far. How do I get my husband to see that and stop the jealousy. Im coming home to him every time. But the fact that I want this from someone else and not him eats at him even though we’ve tried it and he went too far. 

[Si****]

Have you tried telling him this that you don’t trust him and that he takes it to far? And if you have and he doesn’t still listen then maybe time for a divorce.

[ey****]

Jealousy is unfortunately a big part of any type of ENM arrangement

the kinda things to point out is - you always come back to him, in fact you look forward to coming back to him

and yes, you've become very good friends with your play partner and, presumably love in a platonic way - but that is play, and it is important to you but is not the same.  

Perhaps also see if there's something special (non kink) you and your husband can do together to help also build on own memories 

[littlelynn]

Some background about us. He’s double my age and my play partner is the same age as him. Before my husband I was very inexperienced. This all started off as his idea/fantasy. It turns him on. He wanted me to have someone to have fun with when he was too busy or working. Now that I’ve found someone I actually am comfortable with he’s not all for it. He wants details when I get home but the details just make him mad and turned on. He likes feeling me used after. 
 

He works nights and sleeps during the day so I spend a lot of time alone. He picks when I can go and usually will choose a time when he’s off instead of a time when he’s busy so he’s waiting on me to come back. He’s fine with me playing with other people just doesn’t like the friendship I’ve developed with him. I don’t want to just play with other people though. It’s not about the sex for me. I need to have that trust and that’s hard to find when you want someone to tie you up. He either doesn’t understand that or doesn’t want to 

Edited January 3, 2023 by littlelynn

[Na****]

Just a suggestion as you may see assholes suggesting you to divorce here. Sexual play is not the only important thing in a marriage. There’s a whole lot of other stuff in 24 hrs you’d do. Personal, career, financial, family and other household decisions in life play a bigger role in every marriage than what most forget to realize and divorce impacts all of it. So Don’t base your marriage future decision on just lack of one dynamics in sexual play. Regarding your question, what’s more important for you? Your own sexual satisfaction or his happiness? Probably both. Be transparent with him as much as possible and maybe have him get comfortable with the third like u are so you both are on same page. That’s how you clear his insecurities

[Deleted Member]

I'd first try to talk to him about the importance of safewords and that you lost trust when he crossed your boundaries. Maybe figure out a way to regain that trust?

Jealousy is normal to some extent but but I would address that issue when you've got time because he can't 'allow' you something (which is a great thing) but then lash out on you as soon as you get home. It sounds like he's insecure and unsure? Lots of reassurance and honestly might help. Maybe try to compromise on rules together. Like no kissing your dom, only seeing them once every xx days/weeks so he doesn't feel left out.

[Th****]

Leave the husband too many red flags don’t listen and controlling and assuming no gokd

[Lord_Talion]

Get me and him at a bar so I can chat with him 1 on 1, his tab

[Da****]

Ask him if he'd be willing to learn how to be dominate in an appropriate manner. If he is have him sit in on a session with you and your friend. Teach

[Da****]

Him what you will and will not accept. St up safewords and teach him what safewords mean and when/ how to use them.

[ge****]

Unfortunately you can't "get" your husband to see anything - he needs to see for himself, and that can only come through reassurance, patience and understanding on both sides - and all those things can only come from open and honest communication between you.
.
Has your husband said what exactly is causing him to feel the way he does - is it the simple fact of you being with another guy? Or is there something specific?
.
One thing's for sure, you have a crack in your relationship right now, and if you don't fix it it will continue to widen and drive a wedge between you.
.
Ask yourself this - which is more important to you, your marriage or the dynamic with this other guy? Could you give up the dynamic for the sake of your marriage and work on finding that dynamic within your marriage (albeit with your husband listening and learning)?

[DarkArts1066]

To add to gemini_man’s comment above..

Is the issue that your husband has with the fact that you are being Dominated by a man other than himself - or is it with the other Dom specifically ?

Do you have an arrangement where you tell your husband about your sessions?.. and is that why he feels you are getting too close to the other Dom (hence the jealousy)

Is there any kind of sexual exchange between you and this other Dom after - or during your sessions ?…
Some partners are fine with their significant other being tied and flogged by another, but not when there is a desire on one side or the other for any form of sexual gratification.

In my personal experience, having someone’s partner sit in on a session can sometimes be beneficial.
Once that partner sees that the relationship I have is a simple power dynamic that provides a form or relief that their partner requires- and not an undying declaration of love (and that I am therefore NOT trying to steal their loved one away from them..) they are usually more relaxed and comfortable with the relationship.

Whilst I would never advocate hiding anything from a loved one, there are ways of going about delivering information sensitively.

Consider how you tell your husband - or indeed how and when you ask him if he’s ok with you going to see your Dom.
If he’s had a crap day at work, he might not be receptive to hearing that you want to spend intimate time with another person.

Your husband may also be frustrated that he cannot provide what you are seeking himself. Men in particular don’t respond well to any kind of failure positively.

[Deleted Member]

Jealousy is a strange thing and affects people in different ways. I think with your husband it depends whether he truly wants you to enjoy time with the other person, or him suggesting you go is a 'test'.
I suggest that you talk to your husband, explain why bondage didn't work with him, and why it works with the other person. And that you don't love the other person, it is purely for bondage. But part of that conversation needs to be him being honest with you about what he is jealous about, given he is supportive when you leave.
Good luck.

[Deleted Member]

How would you feel if your husband was seeing someone else? Have you suggested this to him? Would you allow it? 

Does this other Dom ever chat to your husband. When I used to see someone else my hubby frequently dropped me in it😁. Or they would plan things together. Is their something your husband would like on your return which you could give as  a mark of gratitude and respect? My hubby always wanted a blow job when I got back however tired I was. 

I hope you can find an answer that suits you all.... Good luck. 

[QXX666]

In my opinion you need to take a break with your play partner and seat down with your husband to talk about your relationship before it get very toxic and dangerous for you. The jealousy could be understandable, sometime men don’t evaluate properly when they agree to share their wife with he another man. He is insecure and also abusive when he doesn’t stop during your play together. It’s a very risky situation you are into .

[Deleted Member]

Safe words are vital in any type of play/relationship. And it is even more vital that you communicate your feelings and express what you dislike and what you like with them. Your husband should be someone you can be open and honest with without *** of back lash. I suggest talking with him and expressing how they made you feel in that moment and explaining what he needs to work on and giving options and ways to go about it.