Messed about by a experienced dom.

[South1]

So after a not so nice experience from an "experienced" dom I'd like to share do's and don't's that I've learned. So newbies - here's my experience, do's and don't's. 

If he can't commit and messes you about several times with "yes you can come over" then less then an hour before your setting off says "no,you can't come". He's a. Cheating on his wife. Or b. Unreliable "dom". It doesn't set a good example to.subs who have no experience at all.

We all have life get in the way and that's fine.

But when you speak to someone for nearly 3 months daily, have them talk to someone else, and "sub" with them - don't drop them with no reason to explain 3 days after playing with them and making them vulnerable. Then post on here that you are looking for a new sub.  Why not explain what the "sub" did wrong? Instead if being cowardly. I would name and shame but I'm Not that cruel. But to drop someone a few days after you play with them with no explanation isn't nice. Saying they are busy and then seeing they looking for a new sub, and kept the other girl on. It makes you feel like something is wrong with you.that you aren't good enough.

Donts: If your going to drop a sub - give a proper reason. Because now I have a fear of opening up to people after trusting someone. 

- don't mess someone about and say they can come up - especially if travelling 2 hours for a 3 hour meet.

- share anything personal until after you have met in a public place or a kink/swingers club.

- don't travel 2 hours to play, get.spacey and then drive home, it's dangerous if you have a subdrop while driving.

 

Dos:If your a sub - make sure you speak to his past play parters for verification.

-take your time don't rush into agreeing to meet him or his other subs 

- tell someone where your going be

- do.meet somewhere public or at a swingers.club. if they won't meet you at either that's alarm bells right there!

Edited February 26, 2019 by South1
I missed a few things out.

[Deleted Member]

subs do the same, this is why its getting hard for both side to trust each others. Doms speak to more than one subs because they cant trust if one is really serious about it.

Edited February 27, 2019 by Deleted Member

[Kiraly]

Thank you for sharing

[Deleted Member]

Move on South1.

It's as true in the D/s world as any other that you have to kiss a lot of frogs.....

Edited February 27, 2019 by Deleted Member

[Cruxdom]

Good luck

[Songbird-7210]

On 2/26/2019 at 12:21 PM, South1 said:

So after a not so nice experience from an "experienced" dom I'd like to share do's and don't's that I've learned. So newbies - here's my experience, do's and don't's. 

If he can't commit and messes you about several times with "yes you can come over" then less then an hour before your setting off says "no,you can't come". He's a. Cheating on his wife. Or b. Unreliable "dom". It doesn't set a good example to.subs who have no experience at all.

We all have life get in the way and that's fine.

But when you speak to someone for nearly 3 months daily, have them talk to someone else, and "sub" with them - don't drop them with no reason to explain 3 days after playing with them and making them vulnerable. Then post on here that you are looking for a new sub.  Why not explain what the "sub" did wrong? Instead if being cowardly. I would name and shame but I'm Not that cruel. But to drop someone a few days after you play with them with no explanation isn't nice. Saying they are busy and then seeing they looking for a new sub, and kept the other girl on. It makes you feel like something is wrong with you.that you aren't good enough.

Donts: If your going to drop a sub - give a proper reason. Because now I have a fear of opening up to people after trusting someone. 

- don't mess someone about and say they can come up - especially if travelling 2 hours for a 3 hour meet.

- share anything personal until after you have met in a public place or a kink/swingers club.

- don't travel 2 hours to play, get.spacey and then drive home, it's dangerous if you have a subdrop while driving.

 

Dos:If your a sub - make sure you speak to his past play parters for verification.

-take your time don't rush into agreeing to meet him or his other subs 

- tell someone where your going be

- do.meet somewhere public or at a swingers.club. if they won't meet you at either that's alarm bells right there!

I have recently been dropped too. You have to let the barriers down in a new relationship that if it's abused it leaves you feeling extremely vulnerable. I hope my next Master is more genuine.

[Ni****]

I have been on the site for around one year,  & it took around 4000 messages to many, many different subs before I finally had my first meeting.  Along the way have been ghosted numerous times, had arranged meetings postponed or cancelled,  and is an emotional roller coaster.  Learn from every encounter but don't give up as there are real, single doms out there amongst the fakes, time wasters & married men ! 

[Deleted Member]

7 minutes ago, SubSeeker48 said:

 Learn from every encounter but don't give up as there are real, single doms out there amongst the fakes, time wasters & married men ! 

good testimony but there are less fakes and time wasters Doms than subs!

[ey****]

I don't think it's really a oneupmanship of which demographic has the most fakes/timewasters

there are Dominant men whose idea of Dominance is merely "suck my dick bitch" or the idea of a sex slave 

there are Dominant women whose idea is simply for quick money (with little understanding even of Findom)

submissive men who are merely fantasists or want someone to "show them the way" (effectively putting all of the effort in)

and submissive women whom again, get carried away with fantasies.

Amongst all of those there's a whole bunch of great and wonderful genuine people... although... just because someone isn't any form of fake/fantasist/timewaster doesn't mean they're automatically for anyone else.

[Deleted Member]

yes but the ones you mentioned are actually active regardless their concept of bdsm. there are no rules in this, after all some women just love the dick Dom, just like some men love to be cashly humliated by some pretty young princess etc...its when someone lead into or pretend to be, without any intention to act or being into the real. And that you wont find many into the Doms demography.

Some subs are honest and mention onto their profile they are only here to chat and find "friends", others are just brats with all the negativity attached to it

[ey****]

I have come across many a fake Dom, especially fake Daddy Doms, who've appeared from nowhere hoping for a quick result.   

[Deleted Member]

40 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I have come across many a fake Dom, especially fake Daddy Doms, who've appeared from nowhere hoping for a quick result.   

Not sure why as most baby girl are not sexually motivated, shy am doing hard to communicate with 🤣

hiw would you come across many DDoms unless you are a baby girl? 😜

[ey****]

I'm a munch organiser, DJ at my local fetish club, observe others comments and behaviours on threads on different forums, speak with many people on their experiences... 

don't proclaim to be an expert, but, by the same token...

how would you be able to say there's less fake Doms unless you were looking for one?

[Deleted Member]

2 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I'm a munch organiser, DJ at my local fetish club, observe others comments and behaviours on threads on different forums, speak with many people on their experiences... 

don't proclaim to be an expert, but, by the same token...

how would you be able to say there's less fake Doms unless you were looking for one?

fair enough I will start a new thread as I dont like hijacking...

[South1]

Thanks for all your great comments! 

I currently have moved to a new sadist/masochist relationship, and though i completely trust him, i always have that niggling doubt in the back if my mind because of this 1 bad egg for my first experience ever.

Me and this girl he had/has, are actually such good friends now! im so greatful for that haha, shes my safe go to girl. I even encouraged her to go to a swingers club because she was never able to go and see him 116km away. And actually got her some real experience with kink etc! She had a blast, and has evenhad the courage now to speak to new friends etc in our local scene, which is great because everyone is so friendly.

He never had time for her. She currently broke it off a few days ago and he was literally bringing every excuse under the sun to string her along, it was so sad. The last 15 month's hes done this. He made her feel like she had problems for liking ddlg. But after some if the things he said to her it made her feel extremely uncomfortable, and I must admit reading the messages, I'm glad i got out because there's certain things you don't put in the same message concerning DDLG, putting a few things together as well = stranger danger.

I feel sorry for him in a way now because me and A have figured out he preys on girls on here who have very low self esteem, it must be a lonely life.

 

But anyway ive just bobbed on to say thank you for all your supportive comments, and that I'm in a good place with a dominant who actually knows what hes doing :) ❤

Edited March 6, 2019 by South1

[South1]

On 3/4/2019 at 6:50 PM, Songbird said:

I have recently been dropped too. You have to let the barriers down in a new relationship that if it's abused it leaves you feeling extremely vulnerable. I hope my next Master is more genuine.

Im sorry. It does leave you feeling very used and abused. Manipulated even. I'm 100!% sure your next master will be jist right for you!