Why is distance the only thing that matters?

[Deleted Member]

This is something that has genuinely dumbfounded me from the very beginning of my app experience........

There is an extremely high number of women on these apps that say they want a long-term relationship, but they'll only talk to guys within a certain distance. Does this make sense to anyone? Doesn't that just sound like they're really only interested in hookups?
But okay, let's say they really are looking for something long-term. Isn't finding a compatible match more important than where we live? Aren't there other things that should be considered and discussed long before meeting up even comes up in the conversation?
And just so there's no misunderstandings, I'm not talking about thousands, or even a few hundred miles. Just yesterday, I received this: "I appreciated your respectful message, but I'm looking for someone more local." I live within an hour of this person!!! What is going on!?!?

Can someone please help me understand this bc I can't figure it out........
If a long-term relationship really is the goal, then why does living close enough to hookup come before everything else that's actually relevant to a relationship?

[Cheekysub247]

Long distance doesnt work for my situation, i cant travel far, local is better, but i have a 2hr public transport limit. X

[ey****]

I don't think it's all that hard to grasp

I mean, on the flip - travelling an hour (or more) for a hook-up is a lot easier than continuously travelling an hour to maintain an in-person relationship 

but also that your ability to travel an hour may differ from someone else's.   

It may also well be they've previously tried with someone who has had a little distance and one or both has struggled to maintain it.   It also kinda does whack the spontaneity a bit.  

Also to be long term, there is probably going to need to be a discussion at some point about who is relocating, and that's something that causes a lot of relationships to stumble.

[ge****]

One possible answer is they are indeed looking for something longer term and by limiting the distance are pre-empting the possibility of having to come to the decision for one or other person to uproot if a more 24/7 relationship comes of it - which may not be an option if both people have kids.
.
Or they could want someone within easy reach simply because it makes meeting easier and not having to be pre-planned, especially if public transport is to be relied on.
.
There could be any number of other reasons, and it's really not for anyone else to question them - you just have to look at it as that person's preferences and if you don't match them then you're not compatible.

[Deleted Member]

Depends what that person is looking for really
You can want a long term relationship and want somebody local
what if you like company
What if you like daily contact
I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s just a hook up

[Sw****]

I can only speak for myself, as someone who has stipulated that I don’t want a long distance relationship. My end goal is to find someone I can live with and share all of my life with. So eventually, with a long distance thing, that means one of us is going to need to relocate and unfortunately I’m not in a position to do that. I also have sole custody of my children and so my time alone is precious. If I have to spend an hour or more travelling to meet someone, that’s a large chunk of my free time gone just on getting there.

[IR****]

What women say and what women want are two entirely completely different scenarios. With women you have to control of the scenario in every single way without being too aggressive about it. You have to understand right now a masculine man is the 1% of the population. I will say this it's time and place, pick your arguments. Women are fueled by two things emotions and the other women they surround themselves with. Do men do this? No that's why long distance works for a man but not a woman. Women need constant love, constant care, constant attention. You can't do that in long distance, long distance relationships is like throwing a grenade and expecting it to take out the whole village, when all reality it takes out a few houses. The only way to get a woman is to focus on yourself, remember some women are used to being treated like trash there whole entire life, so when you treat them right. They don't understand. Where do all relationships go wrong? Lack of communication, lack of empathy and some don't know there role in the relationship. Relate to a woman like a small child, they have great but sometimes they will throw Temper tantrums, do not engage take control. Example when a kid throws himself on the floor and starts crying, how does woman handle it vs a man. She asks multiple times we need to go, we are going to be late. Kid cries, why bc in his mind that all that matters, In essence he is right. If that was my kid, I would pick him up, put him on my shoulder rub his back and pretend the crying never happened. What happened? He was comforted. That's women, take control, show that you care favorite food, book, music. Oh huni remember you said those earring were out of stock, oh well they are in stock. As a man it's your birthrate to always take the lead in the situation, noticed how I said lead and not control. A controlling man is insecure with himself.

[Deleted Member]

I think this is linked to the need for a LTR & implicit in that a desire to meet frequently. As such there is probably a belief that the other person needs to be local either due to their own travel restrictions and/or family commitments and ability to host. As such they see it as unfair to start a LTR where it would be incumbent on the other person to always be the one to travel and unpractical that meets would always need to be in a hotel.

[Cheekysub247]

Love both @gemini_man @eyemblacksheep response.

Im told im not willing, im stubborn, im not really submissive lol.

I dont really want this, i havnt tried 'with them, it will be different '.

 

Ive heard all the reasons why im wrong for wanting someone more local but hardly listened to when i explain....but yet im still making excuses apparently 

[Se****]

Distance is just another preference to be respected or discussed. Alternatively, just be so charming, intriguing and irresistible that the person you’re talking to WANTS to make you the exception. P.s. complaining about the distance thing to them isn’t going to win hearts and minds 😉

[QXX666]

It does make sense to them and that’s the most important part of it. As for the one who decline your profile, maybe she was being polite. Maybe she can’t drive and only want to meet up in her town/area.
Why would you build a connection with someone who lives miles away? Of course it’s one of the most important factor to consider.

[ge****]

47 minutes ago, BerSerkxL85 said:

What women say and what women want are two entirely completely different scenarios. With women you have to control of the scenario in every single way without being too aggressive about it. You have to understand right now a masculine man is the 1% of the population. I will say this it's time and place, pick your arguments. Women are fueled by two things emotions and the other women they surround themselves with. Do men do this? No that's why long distance works for a man but not a woman. Women need constant love, constant care, constant attention. You can't do that in long distance, long distance relationships is like throwing a grenade and expecting it to take out the whole village, when all reality it takes out a few houses. The only way to get a woman is to focus on yourself, remember some women are used to being treated like trash there whole entire life, so when you treat them right. They don't understand. Where do all relationships go wrong? Lack of communication, lack of empathy and some don't know there role in the relationship. Relate to a woman like a small child, they have great but sometimes they will throw Temper tantrums, do not engage take control. Example when a kid throws himself on the floor and starts crying, how does woman handle it vs a man. She asks multiple times we need to go, we are going to be late. Kid cries, why bc in his mind that all that matters, In essence he is right. If that was my kid, I would pick him up, put him on my shoulder rub his back and pretend the crying never happened. What happened? He was comforted. That's women, take control, show that you care favorite food, book, music. Oh huni remember you said those earring were out of stock, oh well they are in stock. As a man it's your birthrate to always take the lead in the situation, noticed how I said lead and not control. A controlling man is insecure with himself.

The 70's called and want their attitude back!!
.
There's a huge amount of generalisation and sweeping statement in what you say here - just as not all men are the same, nor are all women, and to suggest otherwise is just wide of the mark.
.
Yes, men and women have different approaches to some things, but that's not all men, or all women anyway.
.
"Relate to a woman like a child"? Really?! How about treating her like an adult and with respect and consideration?
.
Either way I'm not sure how any of what you've said actually relates to the issue raised in the OP - I've known women perfectly happy with a long distance relationship, and known men who aren't so again to suggest it's a men vs women thing with some cod psychology thrown in is wide of the mark.

[He****]

My LDR relationship was from Australia (me) to Germany (him) I loved the travel so it did not bother me to do that. I want to actually live there and I plan to. I have family and friends all over the place, my son who I love dearly lives in another city so what does it matter where I live. I can always come home once a year for a couple of months to catch up with people. With technology it makes no difference where you live, except of course if you want to live with a person. But I was happy to relocate, and still would be.

[ge****]

The other thing to consider OP is you appear to be making the assumption that geography supersedes other factors in the decision on whether to interact with someone - but it really doesn't - those other factors are just as key, but distance is an obvious and easy initial deciding factor, just as things like age, height, physical attraction and other preferences might be - things we each and every one of us do at the initial stages of deciding if someone is for us.
.
Less tangible factors such as compatibility, interests etc then naturally follow once those initial and natural factors have been satisfied.

[sh****]

Are you more upset that she wasn't interested rather than the distance? Maybe she can't drive so needs someone local as she will need to travel to that person.
My living situation means I can't have anyone visit me. I have to travel. I've driven half an hour to meet somebody. I've also driven 4. I'd relocate for the right person. But I think to say its a woman think isn't right. Each person/connection/personal situation is different so depends completely on the individual.

[IR****]

@gemini_manyou misunderstood, all women have the mentality of a child. Got to love men not being men anymore. Of course you treat women with respect. Have you dated women between 25-38. It sounds like you haven't as a man you need take the lead. Long distance can work, but it depends on those two individuals, it also depend how far they are from each other. Trust, communication and relation is a factor in long distance.

[Nahian-5942]

Its tiring going an hour long car ride to meet someone every time. 1 hour car ride is also not local and it makes it easier to connect with one another if their close by

[Lo****]

The same has happened for me. I do live in a rural area and not much to do. Yet, I’ve moved across the ocean so for me a few hours distance is not a big deal. I honestly think it’s a matter of perspective. I have moved countries often so for me it’s not a big deal if the person lives far - but that is me. Most people have never left their town so to think of dating someone in the next
Town over sounds like international travel. But I hear you!

[Tickler101]

Actually I think it makes more sense that distance is important when they want a LTR. It would be more fitting if distance didn't matter if they were only looking for ONS because as long as they can make it there once it doesn't matter. LTR also doesn't mean they are looking for a Pen Pal. Face-to-face/physical interaction iz just as important as personality and conversation. Tbh I really don't understand your reasoning 🤔

[Deleted Member]

I getchya on that and I have said that to others.... some people are very established and cannot make an actual relocation... especially if it would happen not to work out.

[Th****]

As someone who definitely prefers someone local, I'll say what I usually tell the men who go on and on about how "I'm not serious about a relationship because distance doesn't matter." Distance absolutely does matter. If I wanted to be lonely all the time, because my partner can't be around, I'd just stay single. I'm already lonely all the time. It just seems counterproductive. Maybe one day some special person will come along and change my mind, but I doubt it. We all have our own preferences. For instance, I walk with a cane. Some people are not okay with that. If someone expresses that to me, I don't sit here and try to convince them about how great it is and how it doesn't matter. If it matters to them I simply move on with my life

[ge****]

1 hour ago, BerSerkxL85 said:

@gemini_manyou misunderstood, all women have the mentality of a child. Got to love men not being men anymore. Of course you treat women with respect. Have you dated women between 25-38. It sounds like you haven't as a man you need take the lead. Long distance can work, but it depends on those two individuals, it also depend how far they are from each other. Trust, communication and relation is a factor in long distance.

I don't think I've misunderstood anything in the slightest and am quite happy being the man I am thank you.
.
Your comments speak volumes really "men not being men any more" and "all women have the mentality of a child" being two examples that are very revealing.

[Ob****]

I’m looking for an LTR and one that has as much in the flesh companionship (and I’m not only referring to sex, theres many more aspects to a relationship) possible given my situation - I’m a mum and very time poor. A two round trip to go see my partner sounds extremely tough to me and probably wouldn’t meet my needs anyway.

[Ob****]

*two hour

[St****]

I suspect that some people would like more regular contact and I think two hour travel time on a more regular basis mightt be something harder for someone to handle.