Muse with me: love language in the lifestyle

[funsized_ang]

Hi all, I was musing about this earlier and thought I’d like to get some feedback from the community. How does your love language play into your personal dynamics?

My love language is tied between quality time and gift giving. While I recognize this is probably a trauma response to childhood neglect, it’s pretty much the only way I’m comfortable expressing or receiving affection.

Have you ever been in a position where you feel like you might be accused of buying your D-type or S-type’s love? How do you go about expressing these concerns if you have them?

Additionally, how do you express your love language in a way that’s genuine? For example, with words of affirmation: anyone can call you beautiful, but how does a person say or hear that and feel the genuineness of the action? Does it all stem from the foundation of trust, or is there something else?

Excited to hear back from as many as possible ☺️

[Sw****]

For me it’s 100% about trust. Like you said - anyone can say you’re beautiful but to actually hear the words and accept that the person genuinely thinks I am beautiful, I need to trust them implicitly. It’s sad that this is how it is! X

[ph****]

Affirmation: I’m praise heavy. Everything from “Good girl!” to “I’m proud of you!” to “Thank you!” etc. is on the table. And maybe just being cognizant of small spots to give big praise.
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Acts of Service: This is a tough one to nail but I think it ties to quality time. I will take care of some little things that my girls are expected to. For instance, I went out with my alpha yesterday for coffee. When it was time to go, before she could get up, I grabbed the cups and told her, “I got it.” Her thanks is wonderful. Maybe getting the doors, but things like that I expect of myself so I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.
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Gifts: Does getting a room count? I do flowers, trinkets, but gift bombing collars are great! I’ve gotten better at receiving gifts but I’m still not too too comfortable with it. No, to me, it’s not buying affection.
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Quality Time: This can’t be overstated enough and, as such, is probably where I shine the most. I like to be the pillow, the ear, the guide, whatever I need to be for them in the moment, good, bad, or indifferent. 100%, this is where, to me, a Dom shows their worth.
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Physicality: There are so many ways; being on my arm when we walk, pulling them by the hair into me so I can whisper, “you’re the best,” the front of my hand when she wants it and the back of my hand when she needs it. But, the most intimate physical time, to me, and I do want to get better at the intimate part, is bondage. I get to put them in a hug that lasts and give my everything to boot. It’s like having your cake and eating it too!

[do****]

Meeting the needs of my sub is not a problem for me or performing their love language. It's meeting my love language needs of acts of service. This connects me mentally to you which is why I have uniforms and nurses fetishes because I pretty much know if they got into that profession then it's some care for people in there. The sub will think it's acts of service to me, no it's to others that turn me on. Want your pussy ate, go feed the homeless and watch how fast it happens 🤷🏾‍♂️ you want some attention or punishment not hold the door for an elderly and watch what happens next. Simple to me, hard for others to figure out even after cheating for them and telling them this rather then them figuring it out on their own. Keep your gifts, donate children coats and watch me jack rabbit you 🤣

[funsized_ang]

I love all these answers! Keep them coming!!

[Nocturne]

Anyone can call someone beautiful, but when people make it personal, a particular characteristic of someone they truly like, it becomes something that feels genuine. When I look at the eyes of one person that I love, I feel like I truly soften in some way, telling them that will feel much more engaging than if I call them cute. 

For love languages in general, I can value all of them, though I particularly often have a craving for physical touch, or quality time that doesn't feel surface level, and have difficulty accepting or at times even giving gifts; it gives me stress. 

With words of affirmation, I enjoy explaining what I like about people, what they do well, and I find it to be important for me to hear what went well after a scene (as well as what can go better of course) for me to feel secure.

Quality time in a D/s dynamic might be doing a scene together, or simply having a deep discussion on the subject of needs, interests, preferences and curiosities. It's something I value.

Physical touch during a scene, when I inflict *** I like to give physical affection during cooldowns, reaffirm that I love them and ask whether they enjoyed it, whether they want more and such, and they can reaffirm that they are happy, and the touch can make feel us both even more at ease. But I also enjoy it as a way to take control, pulling them close, or guiding them in some way.

Gift giving is something I don't have much connection to, personally. I don't think it's buying affection, though financial stress is something that has affected me enough for me to have difficulty with people spending *** on me.

Acts of service, as a service Dom, I love to know I'm making my sub enjoy a scene, that I'm helping them meet their needs and fantasies, and when they focus on what I enjoy, I can feel particularly loved as well.