Ending of a kinky connection

[Nocturne]

Somehow it is much more difficult for me to lose someone when, in addition to other things, they were also my sub. It wasn't the main focus of the connection, at least for me, but that additional connection makes the loss hit so much harder, and I cannot talk about this to the people I know because they know this person and I don't want to tell them about that part of the relationship, for the sub's sake.

We were friends, with benefits as some people may say, given I was their Dom. We did a lot of things that made me feel close to them and that I didn't get the chance to do and feel before. With other subs I've had, my emotions remained distant enough for it not to hurt when they left, but this time my heart was in it completely, and thus the end hit hard. 

How do you cope with such a departure? It's unclear whether there will be more communication with this person, this lack of clarity drives the *** all the further, but I don't know how to navigate this situation, given this was very important to me.

[littlemiss37]

How long were u in the dynamic for x

[Dy****]

This is how abrupt endings go for a Dom.

If power exchange is done right, both parties have invested themselves into the dynamic. If it ends abruptly, it will be ***ful for both.

For the Dom, it will break them into pieces, and it can take some time before they can move forward.

This is one of the pitfalls with BDSM. As a Dom, you care so much about the success of your submissive, that even if they choose to walk away for otherwise innocuous reasons, you will be devastated.

I'm glad you've experienced this, because it is a perspective that can only be had from the act of selflessness for another.

This will make you an even better Dom, but you won't see that for some time.

Rest quietly, take this time to repair yourself. Catch up on tasks you've put off in your household, get reacquainted with parts of kink you put toward the bottom of your tasks.

Maybe take a TASHRA training or BDSM school training in this website.

Being a Dom can be a lonely road. It is those parts they don't tell you about.

[se****]

I feel Your ***, in the end all I could do is just breathe through it; through the tears and the heaviness. Some days were more challenging than others, they still are.
I know it sounds cringy but being kind to Yourself, and trying to show yourself the same love and care you wish you could give to them, even though you may cry doing so, is getting me through. I desire kink with connection and I am now scared of separating the two out of *** of the ***. But I am trying to be brave and believe that I will be always be able to try to breathe through it no matter how much it hurts.
Big hugs,
.storm

[se****]

I feel Your ***, in the end all I could do is just breathe through it; through the tears and the heaviness. Some days were more challenging than others, they still are.
I know it sounds cringy but being kind to Yourself, and trying to show yourself the same love and care you wish you could give to them, even though you may cry doing so, is getting me through. I desire kink with connection and I am now scared of separating the two out of *** of the ***. But I am trying to be brave and believe that I will be always be able to try to breathe through it no matter how much it hurts.
Big hugs,
.storm

[He****]

I also feel your *** it's been 10 weeks for me and it may as well be 10 minutes. I still love him and miss him, and the end was clear but unclear at the same time. They say time, but I've yet to see that. Sending you healing energy

[Nocturne]

12 hours ago, littlemiss37 said:

How long were u in the dynamic for x

Due to some interpersonal issues with others, it was off and on with a mutual interest but little commitment for about 5 months, and then actually committed for about 2. So quite a short time, but my first committed D/s dynamic.

[Ki****]

Emotional *** is the worst because you can’t take some thing for it. She just have to let it run its course and hopefully your heart will heal and someone else will come and take that place and it will be full again I hope you find what you need to not be in so much *** positive vibes and hugs

[Nocturne]

12 hours ago, DyingForLife said:

This is how abrupt endings go for a Dom.

If power exchange is done right, both parties have invested themselves into the dynamic. If it ends abruptly, it will be ***ful for both.

For the Dom, it will break them into pieces, and it can take some time before they can move forward.

This is one of the pitfalls with BDSM. As a Dom, you care so much about the success of your submissive, that even if they choose to walk away for otherwise innocuous reasons, you will be devastated.

I'm glad you've experienced this, because it is a perspective that can only be had from the act of selflessness for another.

This will make you an even better Dom, but you won't see that for some time.

Rest quietly, take this time to repair yourself. Catch up on tasks you've put off in your household, get reacquainted with parts of kink you put toward the bottom of your tasks.

Maybe take a TASHRA training or BDSM school training in this website.

Being a Dom can be a lonely road. It is those parts they don't tell you about.

Thank you for your input, it's definitely a departure difficult for both sides. Feeling responsible for them in a way, being so committed to their wellbeing and having to let that go is difficult to navigate. 

I appreciate the support,

[Nocturne]

12 hours ago, sexyfiredragon said:

I feel Your ***, in the end all I could do is just breathe through it; through the tears and the heaviness. Some days were more challenging than others, they still are.
I know it sounds cringy but being kind to Yourself, and trying to show yourself the same love and care you wish you could give to them, even though you may cry doing so, is getting me through. I desire kink with connection and I am now scared of separating the two out of *** of the ***. But I am trying to be brave and believe that I will be always be able to try to breathe through it no matter how much it hurts.
Big hugs,
.storm

Thank you for your support, it means a lot, I don't think what you said sounds cringy. It's important to figure out ways to support oneself, I'll try the breathing exercises.

[Nocturne]

10 hours ago, Hels1920 said:

I also feel your *** it's been 10 weeks for me and it may as well be 10 minutes. I still love him and miss him, and the end was clear but unclear at the same time. They say time, but I've yet to see that. Sending you healing energy

I feel similarly about the clarity and unclarity about the end. It hurts, especially when the communication in the end isn't optimal. Thank you so much, I'm hoping for the best for you too.

[Nocturne]

22 minutes ago, Kimber469ing said:

Emotional *** is the worst because you can’t take some thing for it. She just have to let it run its course and hopefully your heart will heal and someone else will come and take that place and it will be full again I hope you find what you need to not be in so much *** positive vibes and hugs

True, though I think I'd have to let myself get to a place where I don't need a person to fill the space they left, given healing is important before engaging with a new person, so that I don't expect them to be a copy of the sub that left.

Thank you. Same to you.

[Deleted Member]

Feels x

[Cr****]

I eat lots of dark chocolate while being grateful for the time spent, for the exchanges, and for the ability to learn about myself. Sometimes that person hits that mind, body, spirit connection which unfortunately hurts when the connection is broken and it feels like of a piece of you is loss with them. I tend to pull back, refocus on my life goals and dreams, up the aerobic exercise, and eat dark chocolate. This help up the endorphins and combat the sadness.
I can relate as it happens to me a lot because I don’t stay anywhere for more than four/five months. I wish you the best.

[Nocturne]

1 hour ago, CrazyMermaid said:

I eat lots of dark chocolate while being grateful for the time spent, for the exchanges, and for the ability to learn about myself. Sometimes that person hits that mind, body, spirit connection which unfortunately hurts when the connection is broken and it feels like of a piece of you is loss with them. I tend to pull back, refocus on my life goals and dreams, up the aerobic exercise, and eat dark chocolate. This help up the endorphins and combat the sadness.
I can relate as it happens to me a lot because I don’t stay anywhere for more than four/five months. I wish you the best.

Thank you, I'll give that a try.

[Ae****]

Standard breakup stuff. Feel your feelings. Cry. Workout. Be nice to yourself. Do lots of new things. Listen to aggressive music. Rock, rap. Fill your days with stuff. Do not sit and mope, and think. Except at times when you choose to, when it's convenient. The rest of the time, get on with your life and forget her. Be grateful and move forward.

[Nocturne]

5 hours ago, Aeonova said:

Standard breakup stuff. Feel your feelings. Cry. Workout. Be nice to yourself. Do lots of new things. Listen to aggressive music. Rock, rap. Fill your days with stuff. Do not sit and mope, and think. Except at times when you choose to, when it's convenient. The rest of the time, get on with your life and forget her. Be grateful and move forward.

I've been trying to keep myself occupied, as you said. It still feels distinct from any other breakup, but it's getting easier. Thank you.

[sc****]

I recently lost my Daddy Dom, he passed away. Our relationship was a secret for 3 years and I cannot talk about it with people I know either. It’s ***ful and lonely. I’ve come here looking for like minded friends and to not feel so alone.

[He****]

36 minutes ago, scarletrose_princess said:

I recently lost my Daddy Dom, he passed away. Our relationship was a secret for 3 years and I cannot talk about it with people I know either. It’s ***ful and lonely. I’ve come here looking for like minded friends and to not feel so alone.

I know how you are feeling, I lost my husband of 36 years and then a few months ago I lost my Daddy Dom of 2.5 years (he's still living) It is ***ful, I understand that. I send  healing energy your way. 

[Nocturne]

2 hours ago, scarletrose_princess said:

I recently lost my Daddy Dom, he passed away. Our relationship was a secret for 3 years and I cannot talk about it with people I know either. It’s ***ful and lonely. I’ve come here looking for like minded friends and to not feel so alone.

I'm sorry to hear that, if you'd like to talk to a stranger to simply get those thoughts out and be heard, feel free to message me. The sub that left me is alive and well, but I cannot talk to the people I know personally due to their privacy, so I know it can be difficult to not discuss those details and needs with people in your life. I hope that you will be able to heal and grow from your experience, wishing you all the best.

[ol****]

Eventually it will become a fond memory. You need to let yourself understsnd and then to heal. The duration is not that relevant. The fact you both worked to have the relationship is.

[sc****]

Monday at 08:40 AM, Hels1920 said:

I know how you are feeling, I lost my husband of 36 years and then a few months ago I lost my Daddy Dom of 2.5 years (he's still living) It is ***ful, I understand that. I send  healing energy your way. 

Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for helping me feel not so alone.

[sc****]

Monday at 10:27 AM, Nocturne said:

I'm sorry to hear that, if you'd like to talk to a stranger to simply get those thoughts out and be heard, feel free to message me. The sub that left me is alive and well, but I cannot talk to the people I know personally due to their privacy, so I know it can be difficult to not discuss those details and needs with people in your life. I hope that you will be able to heal and grow from your experience, wishing you all the best.

Thank you.

[He****]

1 hour ago, scarletrose_princess said:

Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for helping me feel not so alone.

That is perfectly okay, anytime x