Don't be that guy (What is consent)

[Deleted Member]

Someone sent me their dick as an intro. I explained that they shouldn't bc ... consent, dude. They lost their shit at me and said I was comparing them to a rapist, tried to shame me with it. Told me I was undermining "real victims" by saying my consent had been violated. (I actually didn't use that phrase. That's what they took from a single use of the word consent )

Don't be that guy. Don't send your dick. Definitely don't try to gaslight someone who (fucking politely, actually) asks you not to send your cock as a hello. And absolutely don't semd me pics of you fucking someone else. Do they know you're sending their images? I bet not. I don't give a shit if it's a fetish site. I didn't ask for it. If I want to see it, I'll go to your profile.

End of rant.

[Ta****]

Agree. He tried to shame you privately. Shame him publicly. Maybe it will deter other assholes like that from doing the same thing.

[DJ****]

I’ve never understood the sending of dick pics, I’ve done it but only when she’s requested…
You’ve done right by highlighting it to others, but also he should know better!
Also, gaslighting is just poor form.
He clearly knew he had done wrong and didn’t like to be called out… shame on him!

[zRyan_NY]

I am no way condoning what happened but I do feel the need to play devils advocate here.

I have met MANY women on here who actually find the unsolicited pictures on her a form of “degrading” and very much so enjoy it. Your bio doesn’t give any indication you do not want any. Also in order to even view the picture you must click past the warning. This app is filled with a ton of thirsty guys and also creeps.

I think you should understand that on a kink app like this something you don’t enjoy plenty of others do. It’s sort of the whole premise of kink is not to gatekeep.

Your post is purely opinion and is sort of an issue in the community lately because new people will read this and believe you know more so they will take it to heart. At the end of the day Fet implemented the warning so if you don’t want to look at it you aren’t ***d to see it just the blurred warning label. Also, “consent” is the wrong word here. If you ever scroll your feed you will see tons of naked people which you haven’t given consent to see.

Regardless that is just my opinion. You are in fact on a kink site and shouldn’t be so surprised nor upset if you have any experience with fet at all. It is the norm. I just hate those who shame people because they themselves don’t personally like something but there are tons of others who very much so would enjoy an “unsolicited” picture.

Last point - did you actually read there terms and services of the app? You in fact gave full consent to everything and anything that goes on here. Moral of MY rant don’t gatekeep. Just move on and enjoy your day.

[zRyan_NY]

17 minutes ago, Taboofun21 said:

Agree. He tried to shame you privately. Shame him publicly. Maybe it will deter other assholes like that from doing the same thing.

Shame? If you consider a picture being shamed you are on the wrong app. Everyone here is white knighting or projecting opinions not facts. Go and read this apps TOS. You’ll realize it is in fact consensual. Once again I am not condoning what he did it was wrong but somebody needs to play devils advocate here….

[zRyan_NY]

15 minutes ago, DJR86 said:

I’ve never understood the sending of dick pics, I’ve done it but only when she’s requested…
You’ve done right by highlighting it to others, but also he should know better!
Also, gaslighting is just poor form.
He clearly knew he had done wrong and didn’t like to be called out… shame on him!

Another opinion…. Please think of the current state of this community and how downhill it is going because the lines are so blurred. As a male I receive constant dick pics without asking. Who cares 🤷‍♂️ move on and enjoy your day. The next person may actually enjoy it. While personally I wouldn’t do that myself lol it’s not as bad as y’all are making this out to be. Read the apps TOS

[kree90]

A woman is allowed to rant when she receives her 100th dick pic in a week. We aren't talking about one or two. Yes, we often just ignore or block, but we are allowed to ask: what the hell?
And just because we are on a kink site, our opinions of what the opposite sex does to us doesn't matter? That's what I'm afraid of new people thinking.

[DJ****]

6 minutes ago, zRyan_NY said:

Another opinion…. Please think of the current state of this community and how downhill it is going because the lines are so blurred. As a male I receive constant dick pics without asking. Who cares 🤷‍♂️ move on and enjoy your day. The next person may actually enjoy it. While personally I wouldn’t do that myself lol it’s not as bad as y’all are making this out to be. Read the apps TOS

I’ll take your opinion on board, as you should mine.
I’m not offended by much, but merely pointing out that I’ve never understood the sending of a dick pic is the ice breaker that’ll get someone to engage.

[littlemiss37]

Thanks . I like the way u described all of this . It simplifys things for me ..I never knew about consent before a punishment etc before reading a book etc x

[AKA_Copper]

12 minutes ago, zRyan_NY said:

I am no way condoning what happened but I do feel the need to play devils advocate here.

I have met MANY women on here who actually find the unsolicited pictures on her a form of “degrading” and very much so enjoy it. Your bio doesn’t give any indication you do not want any. Also in order to even view the picture you must click past the warning. This app is filled with a ton of thirsty guys and also creeps.

I think you should understand that on a kink app like this something you don’t enjoy plenty of others do. It’s sort of the whole premise of kink is not to gatekeep.

Your post is purely opinion and is sort of an issue in the community lately because new people will read this and believe you know more so they will take it to heart. At the end of the day Fet implemented the warning so if you don’t want to look at it you aren’t ***d to see it just the blurred warning label. Also, “consent” is the wrong word here. If you ever scroll your feed you will see tons of naked people which you haven’t given consent to see.

Regardless that is just my opinion. You are in fact on a kink site and shouldn’t be so surprised nor upset if you have any experience with fet at all. It is the norm. I just hate those who shame people because they themselves don’t personally like something but there are tons of others who very much so would enjoy an “unsolicited” picture.

Last point - did you actually read there terms and services of the app? You in fact gave full consent to everything and anything that goes on here. Moral of MY rant don’t gatekeep. Just move on and enjoy your day.

What?
Char's post is not opinion.
Unless someones profile says "I'm happy to receive dick pics" they've not given consent to receive them.
There's a reason why people sending dick pics will soon find themselves the wrong side of the law and that has evefything to do with consent, specifically lack thereof.
Being on a kink site does not provide others with the "excuse" to send others pornographic content. It is not and should not be the norm for others to objectify/fetishsize strangers. Those being treated in that manner have every right to be "upset" about it.
Did you read the TOU? I'd suggest you take another look
Thanks for your "rant". It's utter tosh.

[Deleted Member]

16 minutes ago, zRyan_NY said:

I am no way condoning what happened but I do feel the need to play devils advocate here.

I have met MANY women on here who actually find the unsolicited pictures on her a form of “degrading” and very much so enjoy it. Your bio doesn’t give any indication you do not want any. Also in order to even view the picture you must click past the warning. This app is filled with a ton of thirsty guys and also creeps.

I think you should understand that on a kink app like this something you don’t enjoy plenty of others do. It’s sort of the whole premise of kink is not to gatekeep.

Your post is purely opinion and is sort of an issue in the community lately because new people will read this and believe you know more so they will take it to heart. At the end of the day Fet implemented the warning so if you don’t want to look at it you aren’t ***d to see it just the blurred warning label. Also, “consent” is the wrong word here. If you ever scroll your feed you will see tons of naked people which you haven’t given consent to see.

Regardless that is just my opinion. You are in fact on a kink site and shouldn’t be so surprised nor upset if you have any experience with fet at all. It is the norm. I just hate those who shame people because they themselves don’t personally like something but there are tons of others who very much so would enjoy an “unsolicited” picture.

Last point - did you actually read there terms and services of the app? You in fact gave full consent to everything and anything that goes on here. Moral of MY rant don’t gatekeep. Just move on and enjoy your day.

You're right, my bio doesn't say that. And that's all that needs to be said. If in doubt, *don't *.

[zRyan_NY]

6 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

What?
Char's post is not opinion.
Unless someones profile says "I'm happy to receive dick pics" they've not given consent to receive them.
There's a reason why people sending dick pics will soon find themselves the wrong side of the law and that has evefything to do with consent, specifically lack thereof.
Being on a kink site does not provide others with the "excuse" to send others pornographic content. It is not and should not be the norm for others to objectify/fetishsize strangers. Those being treated in that manner have every right to be "upset" about it.
Did you read the TOU? I'd suggest you take another look
Thanks for your "rant". It's utter tosh.

Listen I’m not saying it’s okay to randomly send dick pic’s unsolicited. Though when you signed up for Fet you GAVE consent if you actually read the terms of service. I’m sorry but it is in fact an opinion. I really wasn’t trying to start a discussion here just pointing out maybe people should actually read those TOS agreements…… I’m sorry it happened to her because it clearly affected her. But my “rant” isn’t tosh nor opinion. Read the TOS. Hope everyone has a good day. Cheers mate

[Deleted Member]

16 minutes ago, zRyan_NY said:

Another opinion…. Please think of the current state of this community and how downhill it is going because the lines are so blurred. As a male I receive constant dick pics without asking. Who cares 🤷‍♂️ move on and enjoy your day. The next person may actually enjoy it. While personally I wouldn’t do that myself lol it’s not as bad as y’all are making this out to be. Read the apps TOS

A dick pic is one thing. Gaslighting me bc I objected to it - again, in my bio I do not say anywhere that I would appreciate unsolicited pics- is quite another. If you don't understand why explicit consent is important in BDSM, I am concerned.

[zRyan_NY]

9 minutes ago, DJR86 said:

I’ll take your opinion on board, as you should mine.
I’m not offended by much, but merely pointing out that I’ve never understood the sending of a dick pic is the ice breaker that’ll get someone to engage.

Like I was trying to say I really wasn’t trying to be “that guy”. But nobody ever reads the TOS when they sign up for an app. It’s clearly stated in FET’s TOS you are in fact giving consent lol. I am sorry this happened to her because it affected her negatively. I just have friends who actually enjoy receiving them. I hope you have a good day. Cheers mate

[zRyan_NY]

12 minutes ago, kree90 said:

A woman is allowed to rant when she receives her 100th dick pic in a week. We aren't talking about one or two. Yes, we often just ignore or block, but we are allowed to ask: what the hell?
And just because we are on a kink site, our opinions of what the opposite sex does to us doesn't matter? That's what I'm afraid of new people thinking.

Rant all you want. Don’t gatekeep and generalize when others do enjoy it. You agreed to this when you signed up and didn’t read the terms of service. Once again sorry to the women who do not appreciate it but some do. Have a good day! Cheers

[AKA_Copper]

3 minutes ago, zRyan_NY said:

Listen I’m not saying it’s okay to randomly send dick pic’s unsolicited. Though when you signed up for Fet you GAVE consent if you actually read the terms of service. I’m sorry but it is in fact an opinion. I really wasn’t trying to start a discussion here just pointing out maybe people should actually read those TOS agreements…… I’m sorry it happened to her because it clearly affected her. But my “rant” isn’t tosh nor opinion. Read the TOS. Hope everyone has a good day. Cheers mate

Dude, we aren't "mates"
By signing up to Fet I did not give consent for people to send their cocks to me via DM. It literally does not say that.
We know you aren't here for discussion.
Your TL:DR is literally, "you're on a kink site, people can treat others how they want, shut up complaining"

[Ta****]

I wasn’t referring to the picture. I was referring to this guys comment. About how he thought he was being compared to a rapist and tried to shame her with it. Try reading her post again. And yes, this is a kink app, but that doesn’t imply you should just send people pics that they didn’t ask for. You’re trying to say her post is the problem with this community when the problem is people who don’t understand the difference between kinks and just being horny. Sending dick pics has nothing to do with kink. No one should have to put in their profile that they don’t want dick pics, that should just be obvious. For one, people should have some class. Two, maybe if the guys sending dick pics used their brains and could strike up and intelligent conversation based on mutual kinks, then maybe they could get what they want without send dick pics. And if you don’t condone it and admit it was wrong how about you stop playing the devils advocate and actually stand up to fix the problem. Don’t throw the TOA in peoples faces. If you actually sat there and read the whole TOA then you have way too much time on your hands. No one reads that shit. To simplify it, 99% of women don’t want dick pics without consent and guys should have more class. Plain and simple.

[ge****]

4 minutes ago, zRyan_NY said:

Like I was trying to say I really wasn’t trying to be “that guy”. But nobody ever reads the TOS when they sign up for an app. It’s clearly stated in FET’s TOS you are in fact giving consent lol. I am sorry this happened to her because it affected her negatively. I just have friends who actually enjoy receiving them. I hope you have a good day. Cheers mate

Having just actually read the TOS I've not seen anything that states users consent to being sent cock pics (or even anything that can be construed as that) - but I may have missed it, can you point me to the relevant part please?
.
It varies by geography of course but I do know that here in the UK there is growing pressure to bring in laws that actually prohibit the sending of unsolicited graphic/obscene images precisely because consent has not been given.

[kree90]

3 minutes ago, zRyan_NY said:

Rant all you want. Don’t gatekeep and generalize when others do enjoy it. You agreed to this when you signed up and didn’t read the terms of service. Once again sorry to the women who do not appreciate it but some do. Have a good day! Cheers

You send dick pics, don't you?

[zRyan_NY]

6 minutes ago, Char__ said:

A dick pic is one thing. Gaslighting me bc I objected to it - again, in my bio I do not say anywhere that I would appreciate unsolicited pics- is quite another. If you don't understand why explicit consent is important in BDSM, I am concerned.

Oh I certainly understand and never once shamed you or said you were wrong. This is the last response I’ll give to this. Go and read all of the terms of service policy that you blindly agreed to while signing up. I am sorry this affected you negatively, truly. That’s all.

When it comes to IRL dynamics its a different story which is why things are discussed and not printed in fine print. So that comparison is irrelevant. Once again sorry this happens to the women who do not appreciate it. Some do and I hope in the future you know what you agree to when signing up. Hope your day gets better, cheers.

[AKA_Copper]

1 minute ago, kree90 said:

You send dick pics, don't you?

Why else would someone suggest it's acceptable/label it as a kink all the while hiding behind playing "devils advocate"

[ey****]

8 minutes ago, zRyan_NY said:

Listen I’m not saying it’s okay to randomly send dick pic’s unsolicited. Though when you signed up for Fet you GAVE consent if you actually read the terms of service

actually - it's explicitly against the TOS to send dick pics.

which you'd know if you actually read it - instead of making excuses for what is a sex offence

[Ta****]

2 minutes ago, zRyan_NY said:

Oh I certainly understand and never once shamed you or said you were wrong. This is the last response I’ll give to this. Go and read all of the terms of service policy that you blindly agreed to while signing up. I am sorry this affected you negatively, truly. That’s all.

When it comes to IRL dynamics its a different story which is why things are discussed and not printed in fine print. So that comparison is irrelevant. Once again sorry this happens to the women who do not appreciate it. Some do and I hope in the future you know what you agree to when signing up. Hope your day gets better, cheers.

Yeah you definitely send dick pics and you probably think that all the woman that don’t respond to them are just in too much awe to reply. You are definitely that guy

[zRyan_NY]

3 minutes ago, kree90 said:

You send dick pics, don't you?

You pick out certain things in a comment instead of actually taking what I am saying into account and realizing I am not condoning it but we all agreed to it when we signed up.

Your attempt at an insult is childish. I hope you have a better day. Cheers

[zRyan_NY]

3 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Why else would someone suggest it's acceptable/label it as a kink all the while hiding behind playing "devils advocate"

Not saying it’s okay in ANY of my replies. Though Fet did when you signed up and didn’t read their terms of service. Sorry you can’t see that. I hope you have a better day. Cheers