Do you ever just wish...

[welshslaveboy]

...you werent kinky at all? I know that sounds a bit, well, strange, saying that on our friendly community board. But do you sometimes ever just wish you didnt have any major kinks and just enjoyed vanilla sex as much as we all love playing? It occurs to me sometimes, that it can almost be a bit of a burden, to have that extra desire for something, especially a desire that not everyone has. Anyone else feel like this sometimes?

[un****]

i mean it’d make dating easier thats for sure however i can’t imagine a life like that

[Sh****]

Yeah, believe me, I think about this all the time. But this, is unfortunately how I'm wired.

[do****]

Nah, I love me and all my glory. I'll come back with the same likes and dislikes. This is my natural existence

[Ae****]

I think there's a question I wonder around what kink says about the needs of those involved, deeper than the pop psychology that I think most are aware of. For example - is a dom really naturally dominant if, as an individual, he happens to be in such great need of emphasising his dominance? Perhaps his preference reveals he is actually quite insecure/unfulfilled about his innate dominance? If so, a dom is actually the opposite of what he should be - he has gaping void where his dominance should be. He's lacking in exactly that trait. Hence his attraction to being a dom in a kink setting.

Everyone involved in every aspect of bdsm, whatever their preference, can be taken apart via psychological analysis with some revelations that they may not be mature enough to accept, because they can be seen as unflattering. Maybe if you're genuinely fulfilled in your emotional core, you don't need a special kink to top you up.

Linked with this is the seeming paradox that can be seen in this community - you'd expect it to be accepting and judgement free, yet it's actually quite a lot like a school yard - which may again something dark about those who are attracted to this activity.

A sub (mine) once wondered to me something like - "the stable cool people aren't into it". Hmmm 🤔🤔🤔 maybe being kinky is a sign that there's something that needs to be tended to inside, and kink is just a band aid that looks pretty?

So... Yes I think about that, and I do tend to view it that way. I think it may very well be the case. No judgement obv - should go without saying.

[Ma****]

Oh how I wish I could go back to vanilla so bad. It’s so hard to find a good Dom. I was use to subspace every weekend and without it I feel lost.

[Deleted Member]

Of course! Though for me its not just kinks, its also masturbation. I wished I could go back to the time where I never touched myself.

[Ba****]

I think this about certain kinks. Not all of them, but a few.

[Yu****]

There are times where I feel my life would be more suitable in a vanilla state of mind, but I love the excitement, structure, lose of self control, they're what get me going and satisfied. So I couldn't ever actually change

[To****]

Meh

[Ch****]

Absolutely yes, especially as im 24/7, if i could switch off i would, having this in me since i can remember has been a struggle x x

[BigPolly]

I like who I am & I love the fact that I can be completely me & open & not really care what people think however I’m hypersexual which is incredibly hard to live with & kink is a huge part of that so I have lived a my life needing to feed that addiction & Ive often put myself in quite dangerous circumstances but I can’t change who I am & Im ok with that 😊

[ge****]

Whilst it would be easy to say yes, I'm of the firm belief that the vast majority of people have "kinks" to some degree, some may be fairly mild and not result in the person getting involved in communities such as this one, but they're there all the same.
.
So removing "kinks" would take us backwards and be fairly dull.
.
I'm happy with my kinks, yes it can be frustrating when they're unfulfilled but I'd rather live with that than not have them there at all.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve wished that others in my life shared my kinks, but I never wished for my kinks to go away.

[DJ****]

Yep… me being kinky broke up my marriage, I was as honest as could be from the start. But my want to get kinky just resulted in resent from her…
So that’s why I joined this site, can be very up front about them here!

[Sw****]

Yep… I’ve thought so many times about how much easier it would be if I weren’t sub; easier to find a loving, monogamous relationship. I’ve tried to suppress ‘subbie’ me but have come to realise that by doing so, I’m changing a core part of my self… and that’s not sustainable.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve spent countless hours, days and months wishing that somedays i could just turn it off. To have a smell, sound, or physical cue so easily set me off, but be forever board in that area of life because nothing scratches the itch. i’ve met one woman who came close in about 4 months

[Deleted Member]

On 5/21/2023 at 5:16 PM, welshslaveboy said:

...you werent kinky at all? I know that sounds a bit, well, strange, saying that on our friendly community board. But do you sometimes ever just wish you didnt have any major kinks and just enjoyed vanilla sex as much as we all love playing? It occurs to me sometimes, that it can almost be a bit of a burden, to have that extra desire for something, especially a desire that not everyone has. Anyone else feel like this sometimes?

Yes and no...

Yes: it was easier and I didn't feel like a weirdo and there wasn't all the insecurities. 

No: I understand myself better and feel like I'm not hiding anything from my husband. 

We still have vanilla sex when he or i am not in the "playing" mood but I get nowhere and I think it's bc I need that extra push. I've needed it for a long time and until I figured out why I thought there was something wrong with me or I just was "broke". But the few times I had an o it was when it was being "extra" which in turn made me feel awesome then horrible that I had to have that to get anywhere but now I can be myself and "free" no more feeling like I'm broken. 

Basically it's a double edge sword with me...

[d3****]

Bdsm these days is so main stream that there’s no such thing as actual vanilla sex anymore

[Nocturne]

I'm completely content with the fact that I'm kinky. If I wasn't kinky, I don't think I would find sex interesting at all. Sure, it might be somewhat saddening if I can't fulfil a particular kink, but I don't experience anything related to sex and BDSM as something I need, just something I can enjoy when I have the opportunity to do so. 

[welshslaveboy]

Wow, i never knew that so many of you felt the same way as me. I really LOVE my kinks, and the pleasure it brings, together with the connections to be had with fellow kinksters, but wow, what you guys say has really resonated with me in terms of wishing to be able to turn it off.