Advice to dom a sub as a switch

[bu****]

I've been a sub in every relationship I have had up until now. My partner usually doms me but they often want to be dominated. I struggle to find the confidence and the words to successfully dom them. I just need advice or some sort of routine ideas to help me get in the swing of things :3

[Ta****]

Ask them how they imagine you dominating them. Are there any fantasies they have with that and what do they look like?

[Ta****]

Ask them what does that look like to them. Is there a fantasy they have tied to that request? If so ask them to describe it for you.

[Do****]

Also, remember that not everyone can do that. It's okay, ultimately, to decide it's not for you. But I agree with the previous comment. It's easier if they have a specific desire there for you to try.

[Deleted Member]

Yeah, first thing is to communicate with them. Ask them about their desires or ask them for feedback when you try things. Think of it like a muscle, you can build your confidence slowly by starting small or simple. Set a small achievable goal for a scene. Like working on the communication or trying out a toy. Aftercare can also be a time where you two can reflect on the experience, what either of you liked or disliked...what went well, what didn't go so well.

[Ri****]

Agreed, and ask yourself what things make you feel your submission. What scenes or activities has your Dom used to get you there. Im 70, years ago, in the 1970s, I tried switching roles, from Dom to sub. It wasn’t my things, but I did learn a lot about what with submissive partners were feeling. Go with what you know.

[LS****]

Remember your safe word! And I don’t just mean in the “don’t forget it” sense, I mean during the session, remember that it exists and what it means: your partner has a clear and concise way to stop you if they don’t like what you’re doing, so you have every reason to be brave! Take confidence in the fact you can push limits and try new things with a safe word established. Even if it doesn’t get used, it gives you license to be bold.
I dunno, it helps me stay in dom-space. Good luck!

[bw****]

As another sub, I totally get the anxiety this can create. At least it does for me. The only relatable experience I have is I'm usually a bottom, and playing top takes a lot of steeling my nerves and thought-blocking. With a trusted partner and open communication, I can see myself becoming more comfortable switching.

[Af****]

Sterling Cooper teaches doms to adopt a "selfish pervert" mindset. You aren't needy or worried about the subs performance. They are your play thing for that moment. This removes performance anxiety for the sub and helps them to get out of their head and enjoy the experience of being enjoyed. This dynamic goes great with orgasm denial. 😏🍋🍒

[Nahian-5942]

First think if you really do want to dom. If you don't want to then don't. It's not gonna be fun for anyone if you don't enjoy it. If you do want to, work your way up. Start from non sexual things. Small things. Move up to bigger things as you get used to it. Eventually, start asking for favours. Or ask for errands to be done for you. It's not just the big things that make a dom a dom. If you won't do the little things, you'll never do the bigger ones.

[ge****]

If your partner wants to be dominated - the first thing you need to understand is *how* they want to be dominated, and that can only come from them - if they want the full on power exchange where you control everything that happens then you may find it's not for you and is beyond you - I know I certainly found that when I tried it.
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However if they're looking for something at the other end of the scale that is perhaps more "kink play" than D/s where there is mutual agreement to certain activities that place them in a more traditionally submissive role, but removes the D/s element then you may find it easier to fulfill.
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Based on my own experience a good example of that is spanking - I've had sexual (non D/s) partners in the past that like to be spanked and have asked me to spank them - which I've been more than happy to oblige them with on those terms but without necessarily having to be "dominant" about it.
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There are other "elements" of D/s you can apply that to as well, and perhaps that's a good compromise position to adopt either generally, or to help increase your confidence to move to a more dominant based role.

[Deleted Member]

Ask them how specifically they want to be dominated and continue asking the questions in various ways and gather the necessary information

[ho****]

Communication is the key talk about what he needs and what you are willing to do
It's the only way to a happy fulfilled relationship

[Le****]

Honestly it’s easier! Just do whatever you like to them and it’ll be a good way to just start and then follow what they’re reacting well too :)

[Ex****]

Just put on a strap on and you got your answer lol

[Da****]

Honestly just take charge and do/say whatever you want in the moment, I’m sure your partner will love it

[As****]

I usually just go with whatever comes to mind, and tell them to do it or i do it myself. And of course if they don't do it, make them

[Li****]

Bring your rage and frustrations to the bedroom and heat everything up to your temp, just don't kill em. As a switch/Dom i like spice and passion just gotta know when to limit, if it becomes too much, that's where communication comes into play especially if you can't read emotion or facial expression, subtle "are you ok's" or "I'm not hurting you, am i?" Goes a long way when getting spicy. Have fun

[ge****]

5 hours ago, Lightning_Tiger said:

Bring your rage and frustrations to the bedroom and heat everything up to your temp, just don't kill em. As a switch/Dom i like spice and passion just gotta know when to limit, if it becomes too much, that's where communication comes into play especially if you can't read emotion or facial expression, subtle "are you ok's" or "I'm not hurting you, am i?" Goes a long way when getting spicy. Have fun

Rage and frustrations have no place in the bedroom regardless of whether they are kept in check!!

[fu****]

Maybe a triggered response, reframe rage and frustration to emotion, passionate, and anger for good measure. Best and most experimental without even really trying, because the feelings we produced in each other and the emotionally charged response resulted in a power and control fluidity of passionate kinky sex. My uneducated opinion anyway

[To****]

If they want you to Dom them they're not a Dom they're a little b**** that just wants to use you as a sex toy find someone else

[ge****]

23 minutes ago, Tokkas said:

If they want you to Dom them they're not a Dom they're a little b**** that just wants to use you as a sex toy find someone else

Not sure how you jumped to that conclusion? Never heard of switches?

[Pa****]

I have found in situations like this sometimes force is the best route. I'm a switch and my sub has expressed a want to dom before, so they turned it into a playful wrestling match. I have weight and size on her but she fights dirty, and that adds to the fun of the role reversal when she wins. She feels like she's earned it by conquest.