Question for the shy girls...

[Deleted Member]

How do you get a shy girl to open up sexually? Whether over text or face to face. How should i create a sexual tension?

[ho****]

I can only speak for myself, of course. But my shyness only pertains to speech. My actions and thoughts are wilder and darker than anyone would imagine. The best way to open up is communicating and reading not only your partner’s verbal language but body language. And in my case, commanding me to say things out loud if you need clarity, or just like that control. But that plays in to my kinks, anyway 😇

[RainbowTea]

It's definitely not a one-size-fits-all approach, but i would say the main thing is patience, and above all building up trust. If she feels rushed or pressured towards something sexually in any way *at all*, she's going to shut down and pull back - or worse, shut down and not necessarily pull back but instead fall into the "freeze" response and go silent, effectively letting you think she might be ok with something when she's not, and then you'll end up getting into even more sketchy territory where her boundaries get crossed even if you thought you weren't crossing any, and were waiting for her consent. Often what makes a person shy to begin with is some level of social anxiety or anxiety in general, whether it's an actual anxiety disorder or your regular non-disordered anxiety that everyone gets from time to time. That anxiety is difficult to overcome, and everyone works through their own anxiety levels differently.

 

The best thing I can suggest aside from patience and taking it slowly is to open up yourself first/more, and let her see more of the real you, even the parts of you that you find awkward or silly. Shyness (whether stemming from an anxiety disorder or not) is about feeling socially insecure and awkward, about being on edge and self-conscious about how others are perceiving the shy person. A lot of it is about not knowing how to act in order to not be too awkward. If the shyness isn't coming from some form of anxiety disorder or general normal levels of anxiety, it can come from being introverted and just not being skilled at small talk. Introversion is not the same as being shy/insecure/anxious btw, though they often do overlap (there are socially confident introverts who can easily be mistaken for extroverts, the difference is in the person's energy needs and what drains or recharges their energy reserves).

So taking the initative in social settings will go a long way in helping her to relax enough to open up more. It's like socially coaxing someone to "come out of their shell". This is what i find personally helps me the best - when others take the initiative, open themselves up first, and are not afraid to be awkward or goofy in front of me. It helps me to feel less self-conscious around them because it makes me feel like they're less likely to judge my awkwardness and goofiness. If they can just put themselves out there without caring about looking cool and about making mistakes, then it makes it so much easier for me to do the same. Shy people have often experienced bullying and ridicule for being themselves, so the shyness is about going inward and just quietly observing others to see if it's safe to come out of their shell. If a shy person doesn't feel safe around you, their shyness will remain in place. How much a person's shyness melts away depends on how safe they feel and how much they trust the person they're with.

Realise that it could take her a *long* time to open up sexually - and that is completely, 100% OKAY. There should *never* be a time limit on when the sexual interaction has to start. It doesn't have to start anytime soon, or even at all - and that's what sadly too many men don't understand (not saying you're like those men, just saying that this is a general problem when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships in general). The best timetable to start getting sexual is when both/all partners are enthusiastically ready, and not a second sooner. Some people need more time than average, and there's nothing wrong with them for needing the time that they do.

Edited May 28, 2023 by RainbowTea

[co****]

2 hours ago, RainbowTea said:

It's definitely not a one-size-fits-all approach, but i would say the main thing is patience, and above all building up trust. If she feels rushed or pressured towards something sexually in any way *at all*, she's going to shut down and pull back - or worse, shut down and not necessarily pull back but instead fall into the "freeze" response and go silent, effectively letting you think she might be ok with something when she's not, and then you'll end up getting into even more sketchy territory where her boundaries get crossed even if you thought you weren't crossing any, and were waiting for her consent. Often what makes a person shy to begin with is some level of social anxiety or anxiety in general, whether it's an actual anxiety disorder or your regular non-disordered anxiety that everyone gets from time to time. That anxiety is difficult to overcome, and everyone works through their own anxiety levels differently.

 

The best thing I can suggest aside from patience and taking it slowly is to open up yourself first/more, and let her see more of the real you, even the parts of you that you find awkward or silly. Shyness (whether stemming from an anxiety disorder or not) is about feeling socially insecure and awkward, about being on edge and self-conscious about how others are perceiving the shy person. A lot of it is about not knowing how to act in order to not be too awkward. If the shyness isn't coming from some form of anxiety disorder or general normal levels of anxiety, it can come from being introverted and just not being skilled at small talk. Introversion is not the same as being shy/insecure/anxious btw, though they often do overlap (there are socially confident introverts who can easily be mistaken for extroverts, the difference is in the person's energy needs and what drains or recharges their energy reserves).

So taking the initative in social settings will go a long way in helping her to relax enough to open up more. It's like socially coaxing someone to "come out of their shell". This is what i find personally helps me the best - when others take the initiative, open themselves up first, and are not afraid to be awkward or goofy in front of me. It helps me to feel less self-conscious around them because it makes me feel like they're less likely to judge my awkwardness and goofiness. If they can just put themselves out there without caring about looking cool and about making mistakes, then it makes it so much easier for me to do the same. Shy people have often experienced bullying and ridicule for being themselves, so the shyness is about going inward and just quietly observing others to see if it's safe to come out of their shell. If a shy person doesn't feel safe around you, their shyness will remain in place. How much a person's shyness melts away depends on how safe they feel and how much they trust the person they're with.

Realise that it could take her a *long* time to open up sexually - and that is completely, 100% OKAY. There should *never* be a time limit on when the sexual interaction has to start. It doesn't have to start anytime soon, or even at all - and that's what sadly too many men don't understand (not saying you're like those men, just saying that this is a general problem when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships in general). The best timetable to start getting sexual is when both/all partners are enthusiastically ready, and not a second sooner. Some people need more time than average, and there's nothing wrong with them for needing the time that they do.

Best comment

[Sw****]

I’m really shy, the best way to get me to open up is communication and building trust. And like hourglass says, commanding me to say things out loud works! ☺️ 🙈

[Si****]

9 hours ago, RainbowTea said:

It's definitely not a one-size-fits-all approach, but i would say the main thing is patience, and above all building up trust. If she feels rushed or pressured towards something sexually in any way *at all*, she's going to shut down and pull back - or worse, shut down and not necessarily pull back but instead fall into the "freeze" response and go silent, effectively letting you think she might be ok with something when she's not, and then you'll end up getting into even more sketchy territory where her boundaries get crossed even if you thought you weren't crossing any, and were waiting for her consent. Often what makes a person shy to begin with is some level of social anxiety or anxiety in general, whether it's an actual anxiety disorder or your regular non-disordered anxiety that everyone gets from time to time. That anxiety is difficult to overcome, and everyone works through their own anxiety levels differently.

 

The best thing I can suggest aside from patience and taking it slowly is to open up yourself first/more, and let her see more of the real you, even the parts of you that you find awkward or silly. Shyness (whether stemming from an anxiety disorder or not) is about feeling socially insecure and awkward, about being on edge and self-conscious about how others are perceiving the shy person. A lot of it is about not knowing how to act in order to not be too awkward. If the shyness isn't coming from some form of anxiety disorder or general normal levels of anxiety, it can come from being introverted and just not being skilled at small talk. Introversion is not the same as being shy/insecure/anxious btw, though they often do overlap (there are socially confident introverts who can easily be mistaken for extroverts, the difference is in the person's energy needs and what drains or recharges their energy reserves).

So taking the initative in social settings will go a long way in helping her to relax enough to open up more. It's like socially coaxing someone to "come out of their shell". This is what i find personally helps me the best - when others take the initiative, open themselves up first, and are not afraid to be awkward or goofy in front of me. It helps me to feel less self-conscious around them because it makes me feel like they're less likely to judge my awkwardness and goofiness. If they can just put themselves out there without caring about looking cool and about making mistakes, then it makes it so much easier for me to do the same. Shy people have often experienced bullying and ridicule for being themselves, so the shyness is about going inward and just quietly observing others to see if it's safe to come out of their shell. If a shy person doesn't feel safe around you, their shyness will remain in place. How much a person's shyness melts away depends on how safe they feel and how much they trust the person they're with.

Realise that it could take her a *long* time to open up sexually - and that is completely, 100% OKAY. There should *never* be a time limit on when the sexual interaction has to start. It doesn't have to start anytime soon, or even at all - and that's what sadly too many men don't understand (not saying you're like those men, just saying that this is a general problem when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships in general). The best timetable to start getting sexual is when both/all partners are enthusiastically ready, and not a second sooner. Some people need more time than average, and there's nothing wrong with them for needing the time that they do.

100% all of this. No need for further comments. 😏😋

[Deleted Member]

On 5/28/2023 at 3:02 AM, RainbowTea said:

It's definitely not a one-size-fits-all approach, but i would say the main thing is patience, and above all building up trust. If she feels rushed or pressured towards something sexually in any way *at all*, she's going to shut down and pull back - or worse, shut down and not necessarily pull back but instead fall into the "freeze" response and go silent, effectively letting you think she might be ok with something when she's not, and then you'll end up getting into even more sketchy territory where her boundaries get crossed even if you thought you weren't crossing any, and were waiting for her consent. Often what makes a person shy to begin with is some level of social anxiety or anxiety in general, whether it's an actual anxiety disorder or your regular non-disordered anxiety that everyone gets from time to time. That anxiety is difficult to overcome, and everyone works through their own anxiety levels differently.

 

The best thing I can suggest aside from patience and taking it slowly is to open up yourself first/more, and let her see more of the real you, even the parts of you that you find awkward or silly. Shyness (whether stemming from an anxiety disorder or not) is about feeling socially insecure and awkward, about being on edge and self-conscious about how others are perceiving the shy person. A lot of it is about not knowing how to act in order to not be too awkward. If the shyness isn't coming from some form of anxiety disorder or general normal levels of anxiety, it can come from being introverted and just not being skilled at small talk. Introversion is not the same as being shy/insecure/anxious btw, though they often do overlap (there are socially confident introverts who can easily be mistaken for extroverts, the difference is in the person's energy needs and what drains or recharges their energy reserves).

So taking the initative in social settings will go a long way in helping her to relax enough to open up more. It's like socially coaxing someone to "come out of their shell". This is what i find personally helps me the best - when others take the initiative, open themselves up first, and are not afraid to be awkward or goofy in front of me. It helps me to feel less self-conscious around them because it makes me feel like they're less likely to judge my awkwardness and goofiness. If they can just put themselves out there without caring about looking cool and about making mistakes, then it makes it so much easier for me to do the same. Shy people have often experienced bullying and ridicule for being themselves, so the shyness is about going inward and just quietly observing others to see if it's safe to come out of their shell. If a shy person doesn't feel safe around you, their shyness will remain in place. How much a person's shyness melts away depends on how safe they feel and how much they trust the person they're with.

Realise that it could take her a *long* time to open up sexually - and that is completely, 100% OKAY. There should *never* be a time limit on when the sexual interaction has to start. It doesn't have to start anytime soon, or even at all - and that's what sadly too many men don't understand (not saying you're like those men, just saying that this is a general problem when it comes to romantic/sexual relationships in general). The best timetable to start getting sexual is when both/all partners are enthusiastically ready, and not a second sooner. Some people need more time than average, and there's nothing wrong with them for needing the time that they do.

Great advice... No mature men most of the time want sex in very short time knowing the girl... Lack of respect, and devastating for the girl.. support the girl with honestly best way, if you really like her.

[Squirt69]

If you make me feel comfortable chatting I may open up