Most important questions during vetting?

[Nocturne]

I'm thinking of making the way I vet potential play partners (subs) a bit more organised, so that I can easily think of exactly which information I'd like to have. I have some written out, but I'm curious, what's the most important thing for you to know about potential play partners?

[Clarakink]

Probably not the most important in the grand scheme of things, but some of mine are:

Clean fingernails.... think about where they are going!

Last sti test date and results

Are they single

What are their kinks and limits

[Deleted Member]

I ask what does a D/s dynamic look like to you , the answer tells me if they read about it, simply don't understand what D/s is or if what they want isn't what I an looking for

[anx]

Kinks, limits, partners, what they're looking for, and what they're not looking for.

[Ho****]

I always ask if they have any kind of history of abuse or trauma, be it sexual, physical, mental etc. I wouldn’t want to accidentally trigger something from her past. I also agree with DivineMyst, I like to get an idea of what they perceive a D/s relationship/dynamic to be like so I can get a sense of how close, or far apart we are.

[An****]

You need to know if you have a connection, like for like Kinks, she understands the dynamics of a D/s relationship, as what she perceives may not be what your prepared to follow. Also her history, whom and when she last played with, what experience she has had, the list can go on. Common goals, interests, is she experimental, open to try new things, willing to learn and fundamentally she is consenting, trustworthy and loyal. Why did she finish with her last partner, agree both Holden anx Kinks.

[Deleted Member]

Asking what their ‘ideal’ dynamic would look/feel like and trying to get as much detail as possible - this tells me A LOT and if we are or could be attuned to each other.

I try to do this before I tell them much about myself as there are lots of fakes here and they will try to manipulate and say what you want to hear. ❤️

[Deleted Member]

I like to ask if they have read my profile. I believe a well written profike can help with a more natural conversation.

[Ki****]

8 minutes ago, Timetoplay said:

I like to ask if they have read my profile. I believe a well written profike can help with a more natural conversation.

If I’m really interested in a person, I read your profile more than three times

[Lu****]

To the OP, what have you written out to be part of your vetting process?

[an****]

What feelings do you want to feel when being in power and what feeling do you want the sub to feel?

What would your dream sub be like?

What do you expect of your submissive or your dominant?

Few of my questions. Hope this helps. stay safe.

[an****]

What feelings do you want to feel when being in power and what feeling do you want the sub to feel?

What would your dream sub be like?

What do you expect of your submissive or your dominant?

Few of my questions. Hope this helps. Stay safe.

[Nocturne]

On 6/20/2023 at 11:23 AM, LunaMaeve said:

To the OP, what have you written out to be part of your vetting process?

This is that document at the moment, it needs some expanding but here's how it is at the moment:

- What makes you interested in submitting (to me)? 

- What can you not go without in a dynamic?

- What are limits or triggers you’d like to disclose?

- Do you prefer being checked up on during a scene or do you prefer for the play to continue unless you use your safeword?

- What kind of aftercare do you need and enjoy?

For the fourth one, I have often asked my subs whether they're still going good before they say yellow (or red, though that hasn't happened), especially during pain play, but some could prefer to have it be without that interruption until they say something themselves. 

[Nocturne]

Everyone here has added some great perspective, thank you for answering, it's giving me ideas on what else to add to the list that I'd originally made.

[in****]

-what are you looking for? Play, a dynamic, a relationship?
- how much time will you have to give and how much of my time will you require?
- have you ever experienced a scene that went wrong? What happened and what did you learn?
- what aftercare do you require?
- what triggers do you have?
- how do you research new areas of bdsm?
- what are your hard limits?
- how do you hope to get from the dynamic?

These are a few of my list. I won’t ask everyone all of them.

But, I would say vetting never really ends. You are always growing and evolving as people. Your needs and desires will change so open and constant communication and frequent check ins are essential throughout your time together.