In person meetings

[fr****]

I talk with a lot of people on here but I've found that the majority never meet or have met someone in person who is in the kink world.

My question is why is that? Surely if you have an interest in kink you would want to meet people in person and to try out some of their or your own ideas.

That being said, I've met wonderful women I've met on here so I can't personally complain. It is a trend I have seen

[Deleted Member]

I have.

[Deleted Member]

I’ve met a few just nothing came of it past first meetings.

[Ra****]

Different strokes for different folks I suppose. I haven’t had an issue finding people to meet in person. That said, sometimes it’s a little too fast (a couple of messages in!) 🖤

[typhoon2]

I have no interest in online-only interactions and have met a number of folk from this site for play or socialising. Hosting formal events helps in that regard but there have been plenty of one-to-ones; I soon filter out those with no intention of actually meeting but will respond with advice or information if that's what they're seeking. Those clearly out for financial interaction or accumulating masturbation material get short shrift.

[Ri****]

Typhoon2…… very well said!

[fr****]

Typhoon2, I've noticed some looking for FinDom efforts here as well. It is a part of the community I don't personally like

[fr****]

SouthernBelle1982, why has it not gone beyond first meetings for you? What should people know to develop things with you?

[Sadistocrat]

Findom clowns should carry a cardboard sign. “Will findom for food”. 

[fr****]

I prefer catfishes over findommers

3 minutes ago, Sadistocrat said:

Findom clowns should carry a cardboard sign. “Will findom for food”. 

 

[ge****]

The majority of people don't meet, or the majority of people don't want to meet you? And I'm not saying that in a vindictive put down way, the majority don't want to meet me either - and that's perfectly normal, and to be expected, as well as possible that "I don't meet" is a good way to politely say no thanks.
.
Either way not everyone uses the site to meet others - it's certainly not my primary purpose for being here (though I wouldn't be averse to meeting if I felt a connection with someone, either as a friend or otherwise).
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Just because I have an interest in kink doesn't mean I want to meet everyone else who has an interest in it either, and certainly not to "try out" anything - I want a connection and chemistry to take that step.

[Cl****]

I've met a few women off of this app, one interaction led to an extended hook up, another to a brief relationship, and another in a yet to be defined role. All we're in person and more than once. I think meeting in person comes from people's apprehensions(especially women meeting men). I can't say it's invalid since most women I talk to long enough have a horror story about a meeting someone online that did not go well. This kind of thing is tenfold with bdsm, since there are some male "doms" who are uninformed, inexperienced and possibly sociopathic. That's reason enough to be apprehensive.

[fr****]

12 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

The majority of people don't meet, or the majority of people don't want to meet you? And I'm not saying that in a vindictive put down way, the majority don't want to meet me either - and that's perfectly normal, and to be expected, as well as possible that "I don't meet" is a good way to politely say no thanks.
.
Either way not everyone uses the site to meet others - it's certainly not my primary purpose for being here (though I wouldn't be averse to meeting if I felt a connection with someone, either as a friend or otherwise).
.
Just because I have an interest in kink doesn't mean I want to meet everyone else who has an interest in it either, and certainly not to "try out" anything - I want a connection and chemistry to take that step.

Thankfully, I have no problems meeting with women from here. I have noticed a trend that many are 100% online regardless of who they speak with. My male friend pointed this out to me. Maybe some only want the social aspect of kink

[fr****]

12 minutes ago, Classy_Deviant said:

I've met a few women off of this app, one interaction led to an extended hook up, another to a brief relationship, and another in a yet to be defined role. All we're in person and more than once. I think meeting in person comes from people's apprehensions(especially women meeting men). I can't say it's invalid since most women I talk to long enough have a horror story about a meeting someone online that did not go well. This kind of thing is tenfold with bdsm, since there are some male "doms" who are uninformed, inexperienced and possibly sociopathic. That's reason enough to be apprehensive.

This explains it perfectly in my opinion. Thanks for this. It's easy to forget that things are different for men and women sometimes

[Suckyourtoes]

I have yet to meet anyone from here. I don’t think anyone wants to take that next step.

[ey****]

a lot of people have different circumstances

it's true some people have no intention on meeting (or going out of their way to meet) and most will let you know but some might not (there's a big problem with married guys using sites like this and get off to just talking about it)

but some... they do believe they'll meet until it becomes time to meet and that, in short, this is when they find out they're not really ready.

[Cl****]

4 minutes ago, frontman23 said:

Thankfully, I have no problems meeting with women from here. I have noticed a trend that many are 100% online regardless of who they speak with. My male friend pointed this out to me. Maybe some only want the social aspect of kink

I think a lot of men's issues with meeting women off this app boil down to a few things. First, is that like most dating apps, the ratio of men on the app compared to women is extremely skewed. The other is men's negative socialization and an overall lack of ability or knowledge on how to be respectful, honest, communicative and not be pushy or aggressive. Especially when those men are doms.

[Cl****]

3 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

a lot of people have different circumstances

it's true some people have no intention on meeting (or going out of their way to meet) and most will let you know but some might not (there's a big problem with married guys using sites like this and get off to just talking about it)

but some... they do believe they'll meet until it becomes time to meet and that, in short, this is when they find out they're not really ready.

This has happened to me recently on a different app. I was talking to a woman back in January, who seemed to have every intention to meet, sent me intimate stuff, and then ghosted when it came time to actually meet. She re-emerged on the app a few weeks ago. I figured "what the hell, let's try again." She responded, we exchanged numbers, set a date, and yet again, cold feet and no explanation for flaking.

[fr****]

Just now, Classy_Deviant said:

I think a lot of men's issues with meeting women off this app boil down to a few things. First, is that like most dating apps, the ratio of men on the app compared to women is extremely skewed. The other is men's negative socialization and an overall lack of ability or knowledge on how to be respectful, honest, communicative and not be pushy or aggressive. Especially when those men are doms.

I've noticed the skew as well. Being pushy and aggressive are definitely no-nos in the community. Glad to see your message getting pushed to the rest of the community 

[ey****]

1 minute ago, Classy_Deviant said:

This has happened to me recently on a different app. I was talking to a woman back in January, who seemed to have every intention to meet, sent me intimate stuff, and then ghosted when it came time to actually meet. She re-emerged on the app a few weeks ago. I figured "what the hell, let's try again." She responded, we exchanged numbers, set a date, and yet again, cold feet and no explanation for flaking.

I've had that a couple of times - and it's best to just roll with it.  Like, it sucks - of course.  But if you accept they were just not ready this time then it's no sleight on you or hard feelings on them 

[Cl****]

2 minutes ago, frontman23 said:

I've noticed the skew as well. Being pushy and aggressive are definitely no-nos in the community. Glad to see your message getting pushed to the rest of the community 

Most definitely. I think a lot of men aren't even conscious of this behavior, and it takes the work of self reflection and education to break the habit. I was in a similar ballpark in my younger years and was completely oblivious to my behavior at the time.

[fr****]

7 minutes ago, Suckyourtoes said:

I have yet to meet anyone from here. I don’t think anyone wants to take that next step.

I don't know you but there are people for all types of people. That's the beauty of the community. Don't give up hope. Keep trying 

[fr****]

1 minute ago, Classy_Deviant said:

Most definitely. I think a lot of men aren't even conscious of this behavior, and it takes the work of self reflection and education to break the habit. I was in a similar ballpark in my younger years and was completely oblivious to my behavior at the time.

Most of us guys were. You're not alone. I was so socially awkward as a ***ager it defies belief. Now, I'm more of a social butterfly. Being part of the community has helped. Being accepted for your quirks with almost no exception is a great thing. Diversity is the spice of life

[fr****]

5 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I've had that a couple of times - and it's best to just roll with it.  Like, it sucks - of course.  But if you accept they were just not ready this time then it's no sleight on you or hard feelings on them 

I do think it's important to get some commitment from both sides. We, men, sometimes try so hard with little effort from the other side. Age has made me appreciate mutual effort much more 

[Ta****]

There’s a lot of sound advice already posted here, but I also want to ask…do YOU know what your intentions are? Are you just here to meet anyone willing to meet you? Because if true, your standards for yourself are incredibly low and you might want to work on that.

Due to the nature of many of the activities involved in this lifestyle, a lot of people are very cautious and selective about who they take the next step with. To some people, this is much much more than just a little “kinky play”, and they have every right to want to make sure (as sure as anyone can be) that you’re safe and sane, and not going to cause them harm, be it physical, mental, or emotional.

My advice: tap the brakes a little, think about why you’re here, but also think a little about why OTHER people might be here too.

Best of luck