My come/drop as hit

[Vi****]

I had a meet yesterday which involves getting to know each other and a play with BDSM hits - all was good an amazing. 

 

This morning when when I spoke to him felt perfectly fine. 

 

An an hour later I feel down, I’m questioning myself the usual was I good enough? 

will I ever hear from him again in this way.? 

 

I'm taking myself back to bed for a couple of hours but at this moment I just feel crap and can feel tears in my eyes. 

I've has this before and the last time with someone else it didn’t end well as neither of us knew what the fuck to do and just majorly hurt each other. Don’t know if I’m worried about being hurt like that again. 

Also wondering if I should just lock this side of me away and just go back to being the vanilla person most people see. 

BDSM hits in so many different ways. 

Anyway moan and attention seeking over with. 

Better out than in as they say!

[Vi****]

Have to say sometimes just writing stuff out helps get it out my head lol xx

[ey****]

I've been through similar - so I can empathise.

A lot you probably know is the natural process of drop and how mean our brains can be to us.  Once you've come down you'll be able to process if you enjoyed it, if he was good enough for you, if there were scope you could have improved and where to go.  Try to readjust to thinking drop is a normal part of the process and reflect on some of the good pieces. BDSM hits us mentally as much as physically.

[Vi****]

I suppose I just need to get used to it and deal with it in a better way. Xx

[Ra****]

That sounds a lot like a sub drop to be honest. research sub drop and see if maybe you're  feeling that before making any decisions. BDSM hits hard in many ways. I have had an encounter with a guy from here that didn't even care if I got home which was an automatic no for me.

[Vi****]

Wow no way. That’s awful. No we chatted afterwards and this morning. Think it’s me sometimes being all in my head. Xx

[Ra****]

Def look out sub drop xx

[Deleted Member]

I think its sub drop too and the BDSM hits drop sometimes and maybe hit  you because you enjoyed meeting him so much, which just goes to show that he is a very good candidate to be your dom. I would suggest that you should try testing whether he can do aftercare or not and this is a good opportunity. I am not trying to make light of your drop, I know how important aftercare is and this would show how much up to the task he is and also you both would figure out a need to improve his aftercare skills if necessary.

[Deleted Member]

Sub drop could come later on or straight away and this is why it could be sometime difficult to deal with. If he could stay a bit longer for you great but depends your situation. Best is for him to text you few times after the sessions to show he’s still around and show care

[Vi****]

He did do that so can’t blame him. Is more me not letting it out. However it was sorted and now I’m back in my happy place 😊😊😊 xx

[Ra****]

Don't put your expectations too high on not letting it happen as to be quite honest I have never heard of anyone that has managed to stop it. You will have to find a way to cope with it. BDSM hits like that. There are several great articles here about sub drop and how to cope with it. Most subs have a box or pack of things that make them feel good like a hot water bottle, tea, snacks, sweets, a blanket..  it depends on each person... have a read xx

[Vi****]

Thank you x

[ey****]

Something to consider.

Subdrop is a thing that will keep happening.  Not necessarily every time - not necessarily as bad or severe.  But it will keep happening. BDSM hits so many different switches in us.

My advice:
Learn to recognise it as sub-drop.  
It won't miraculously fix everything - but it can help you process that feelings you are having are part of the drop which can help you accept this.

Look reflectively at previous times you felt like this - nothing bad happened.  Use evidence of previous times to help counter the negative feelings.

Have comfort items available.  
Something to help you plan for drop is to be ready for it - a favourite blanket, drink, treat, TV show, etc.
I once told someone to spend the day curled up on her sofa, in her pyjamas, with a blanket and her cats, with a nice pot of tea, a bowl of popcorn and some shit TV.
"I've got Love Island on Sky+"
Perfect, I told her.

(turns out Love Island has a use!)

-
Dominants I also feel have a responsibility as part of this process - I think it's helpful if the sub has their own coping methods, but as the sub is likely to feel a little distant and isolated - it's important that reassurances are there : whether this is the Dominant making an effort to reach out, or just letting the sub know it's OK to contact - either works.
Perhaps letting them know there's a line and contacting them if they don't hear.

I think if the sub strongly feels they will suffer from drop, this is also worth raising with the Dominant up front.

[beachlover-1727]

I'm new here and reading this... I hadn't heard of sub drop. I had a boyfriend who was very Dom it was the first man I had met who was serious into it... He took things slow, and was amazing. He made a comment that I dropped into sub space fast but I didn't understand what that meant. I ended up getting sick, I never get sick but I was in bed with a fever for over a week. Then we broke up, he said an ex came to town and he knew I was only into monogamous so he was breaking it off so he could spend some time with her rather than disrespect my wishes. He was so attentive and amazing and I was really confused by the change, I thought it was because I was so sick all week, then I thought maybe I got sick from the intensity of the relationship. But ever since that relationship I've been craving a relationship like that again.

[KCurious]

I know this is kind of irrelevant. Though why does sub drop exist ? 😟😒

[ey****]

3 hours ago, KCurious said:

I know this is kind of irrelevant. Though why does sub drop exist ? 😟😒

is that a rhetoric or actual question

Because life and biology is a dick really - and can't give us nice things without some sort of negative; "oh you had lots of lovely endorphins did you? Gonna get you addicted then take them away and make you go cold turkey hahahaha."

[Deleted Member]

same mental reaction after a great  party, holidays, or anything that took you high! like the saying anything going up will eventually come down....

[3S****]

9 hours ago, KCurious said:

I know this is kind of irrelevant. Though why does sub drop exist ? 😟😒

Don't think it's just subs tbh, i'm dominant but if i'm left feeling used i feel really down about it.

[ca****]

Chemical balance of the body / mind (the person!!) - and it will affect different people in different ways.  and they will handle it / deal with it in different ways.

 

[Deleted Member]

Sometimes I think we are our own self destruction with over thinking things  and  comparing what went on in the past with everyday life and new meetings  ,  from the sound of things you sorted it out ,my one advice hun although it sounds like you’ve sorted it Is to communicate with him more so that in the future you both can stop this from happening again trust takes time to open up but with time you will get there  and from the sounds of it you have a good Man that you both can grow together and one that is willing to support you and help you grow xx 

[KCurious]

On 7/1/2019 at 12:47 PM, 3SumQueen said:

Don't think it's just subs tbh, i'm dominant but if i'm left feeling used i feel really down about it.

I know it’s not just Sub that has sub drop,  Dominants have them too. BDSM hits all people in a scene.  Its just what I don’t understand is why does sub drop even exist and why does it keep on happening is there really no end to it ? I know it’s an rhetorical questions sadly I want to turn it into an actual question... 

[KCurious]

On 7/1/2019 at 6:53 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

is that a rhetoric or actual question

Because life and biology is a dick really - and can't give us nice things without some sort of negative; "oh you had lots of lovely endorphins did you? Gonna get you addicted then take them away and make you go cold turkey hahahaha."

Although i know it’s an rhetorical question but I want it to be an actual question ahahaha 😂@eyemblacksheep  

[ey****]

one comparison I often give on drop is similar to something that FabSeverus said above - that - imagine having an amazing weekend, surrounded by friends - and then, afterwards, you're left with the hangover - and feel a little alone has everyone has left and then you're sitting wondering when you'll see each other again.

 

The simplified science is that a lot of endorphins are released during play - and particularly if you are doing *** play then a lot kick in to protect you - a kinda flight-or-fight and these can create the pleasant buzz known as subspace.  The problem is, the buggers are addictive.   Two fold.  So when they go you have the withdrawal symptoms - and you also do kinda want the good times back.

Again, back to the aforementioned alcohol - if you drink a bottle of vodka, you'll probably be hungover the next day.  If you did that again in 6 weeks time, ditto.  BDSM hits the same kinda way. It doesn't really get easier.

 

[KCurious]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

one comparison I often give on drop is similar to something that FabSeverus said above - that - imagine having an amazing weekend, surrounded by friends - and then, afterwards, you're left with the hangover - and feel a little alone has everyone has left and then you're sitting wondering when you'll see each other again.

 

The simplified science is that a lot of endorphins are released during play - and particularly if you are doing *** play then a lot kick in to protect you - a kinda flight-or-fight and these can create the pleasant buzz known as subspace.  The problem is, the buggers are addictive.   Two fold.  So when they go you have the withdrawal symptoms - and you also do kinda want the good times back.

Again, back to the aforementioned alcohol - if you drink a bottle of vodka, you'll probably be hungover the next day.  If you did that again in 6 weeks time, ditto.   It doesn't really get easier.

 

For me getting wasted isn’t an issue nor not seeing around after hungover in a party. Though it is so different when it comes to getting a serious hit with subdrop. 😅

[3S****]

1 hour ago, KCurious said:

I know it’s not just Sub that has sub drop,  Dominants have them too. Its just what I don’t understand is why does sub drop even exist and why does it keep on happening is there really no end to it ? I know it’s an rhetorical questions sadly I want to turn it into an actual question... 

Something will trigger it, you might be able to work out what. Like i know my triggers are feeling used.